"Mixed feelings"

Having mixed feelings is weird,
You can feel happy or mad..
At the same time,
Sometimes not even knowing,
Knowing why you feel that way.

You’re just laying there,
There on your back, just staring at the ceiling,
While you’re on your bed…
Just thinking.

Eyes watery, tears falling.
Letting everything out,
Every emotion that you’re feeling.
Blasting music, music that fits your mood.

You’re mad, not at the person,
But mad at yourself,
You’re hurt, deeply.
So many emotions at once,
And it’s hard to control them.

Always, always thinking at night,
Letting your feelings run your mood.
Goes to bed early, just to wake up,
Around 2 o'clock and cry,
Just cry yourself back to sleep,
No one knows, and probably also doesn’t care.

How can I be so hurt?
How can you just feel so hurt,
To the point you’re also mad?
How can my heart be so broken?
It’s pouring out, spilling all over the pages,
Ruining the books’ papers with it.

Wanting to be left alone,
By everyone, but that one person.
That one certain person,
Who’s probably having a good life.
While you’re laying in bed miserable.
You love when they text you,
You’re happy when they do..

But then again, you get sad,
Not because they hurt you,
But because you remember,
Remember that the bond will never be the same.
You don’t mean to let your feelings control you.
But then again, it does.

You can’t control these mixed feelings you have,
And you surely can’t stop crying.
All you can do is lay in bed,
Putting your heart into your writing,
Letting your emotions move your fingers,
Typing away as you’re sad.

Not thinking at all,
You’re just letting your heart write.
But everything comes to end,
Just not these emotions,
And most definitely not these mixed feelings.
Just not yet..