The Death of Esther Wright cont

Esther knew she was dead. But something was off, she didn’t feel more holy, or utterly content, or sinless. She felt the same. She felt broken. She started to take in her surroundings or lack of them more like. She realized all she could see was white, no definition existed within the color she tried to look down but she realized she had no form. Everything was white, and she was nothing.

“Why God!? Why!?”Esther started crying and screaming.
Logically she shouldn’t be able to do either of those things but she could all the same.

“I cannot answer that for you.” The young man from the park held his hand out. Suddenly she could see her own hand as her body emerged from the white ether. It was distorted but it slowly grew to the definition she was used to.

“Who are you?” Esther recognized him from the park, she again was reminded that she found him attractive. She felt her cheeks become ever so slightly rosy. She quickly reminded herself that she was dead, and so she had to think on higher things. Not some cute guy. But she was dead wasn’t she? In theory her mind should already be on higher things, but here she was crushing on some guy. She then realized that she didn’t know his name.

“Your name!?” She sputtered awkwardly, “ What is it?”

“Amon, you can call me Amon.. Come on let’s get you out of here. The white ether dissolved back into Wright park. It had been several minutes from her death so the chaos was dying down from the attempted hit and run. The man had been chased down. Paramedics had bagged her body. The woman who was walking her greyhound was answering the questions of a police officer. The other park goers were curiously looking on and murmuring.
“That’s my body? But I’m right here. Can people walk through me?” Esther proceeded to test the theory before being answered. And in doing so she ran straight into the woman who had been walking the greyhound.

“ Oh I’m sorry!” Esther apologized profusely.

“Oh that’s alright, you know you remind me of someone… can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“I’m Esther.”

“Esther hmmm.” The woman thought long and hard it seemed but as she attempted to respond her face became blank much like when one has a word on the tip of their tongue. She simply couldn’t respond.

“She can’t recognize you no one can unless they’re about to die.” Amon said matter of factly.

“But.” Esther ran to a nearby storefront and looked in the glass. She looked like herself.

“People in the world you lived in cannot recognize the dead, they simply lack the ability. Some humans can learn, but it’s rare they stay sane. It’s unfortunately a stressful thing to be able to communicate with the dead.”

“I guess it must be, but why bring me here? What is there for me here if people can’t recognize me?”

“I thought you might want to go home, when you die this place the ether which is where you are now conforms to your timeline and your preference it also blends with the world of the living.That is if you can master it, and if the reapers see fit. Some people are left in the place I found you. Although not everyone can interact with their old world though that is rare.”

“Why can I?”

“There must be role for you to play. Which before you ask what it is, that is for you to find out.”

“So,I have some special purpose in my death?”

“You can look at it that way or it’s just a fluke, we can’t know until we try to find what you’re supposed to be, if anything.”

“You seem pessimistic about this.”

“I assure you I’m not. I’m just being cautious, I can’t assume you’re destined for something without being sure.”

“What would make you sure?”

“Well for starters we have to make sure that you have no regrets. Sometimes that’s why you can still interact with the living.”

“So what like, we go on a quest to see what I regret in life?”

“I guess.”

“But I regret nothing.”

“Ha! Sorry but I don’t believe that. Everyone has regrets the question is if they’re significant enough to leave you attached to the living world.”

“Seriously, I don’t have any.”

“Are sure or are just saying that because admitting you have them means you didn’t live how you wanted?”

“I…”Esther knew he was right. Ugh, how is he so right about me and I’ve only known him for ten minutes.Esther remained silent as they went back to her studio. Esther suddenly realized that she was coming home with a guy. No matter how much he said that people wouldn’t recognize her she still felt awkward. She didn’t know why he was taking her home. But she couldn’t be sure that there wasn’t something untoward, she had only known him for a few minutes. However she was dead, and everyone that she had tried to interact with on the walk back to her house seemed to be unable to completely process her existence if she did even exist. So she had to make do with this stranger albeit handsome. Her mind started to wander, there always had been a side to her that wanted to break the rules and be a bad girl. Or least what she had been told was bad and sinful. She let herself indulge in the fantasy that Amon wasn’t some terrifying grim reaper but was instead just an attractive man she met at a bar. But once she started to imagine just kissing him him let alone anything else,she felt incredibly ashamed. Her stomach wrenched. I shouldn’t be thinking like this.

Amon interrupted her line of thought.
“You’re quiet. You were asking any and every question earlier now you seem lost in thought.”

“Oh… Uhhh. I was just thinking how weird it is that right after I die I’m walking home with a guy. This isn’t exactly how I pictured the afterlife.”

“I’m sure that some people picture it exactly like that.” Amon smiled. “But no I have no intentions of taking you home like that.” He smirked meaningfully knowing the question she was trying to ask.

“Oh phew, I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on here.”

“That’s fair, if there’s anything I know about the world of the living, men tend to be very entitled to the point that asking questions about expectations is probably wise.”

“Yeah, I honestly don’t know what to do in that situation, I’m a virgin and I don’t believe in that before getting married. I would prefer to just ask about it outright but…” Her thoughts trailed to the wrench in her stomach, the shame. She realized that she was saying too much to a stranger. “Sorry, that’s a lot of TMI.”

“No,no… trust me I’ve heard a lot worse. Also that’s why I’m here,to listen and help you adjust to being dead.”

“Why? Is that your role? Are you like a reaper?” Esther was mentally trying to determine if there was any way to theologically make sense of this with what she had been told about heaven.

“Yes, to an extent although I’m not a reaper really. There are reapers they do the same but they work under an obligation. I have none. I have more freedom than them. I began doing this when…I lost my status.”

“Status?”

“Let’s say my boss and I had a disagreement.”

“Oh about what?”

“How people should be treated.”

“Oh that serious?”

“Yep, unfortunately.”

Esther could sense from his vague answers that she should drop the topic, so she switched to something else.”What can I do? Like would I even be capable of…” Esther tried to say sex, because in theory since she wasn’t sitting at Jesus’s feet all that morality didn’t matter but she instead ended up sputtering out, “intimacy?” Her face matched her embarrassment.

“You mean sex, well yes not really with living people.” He gave her a look that implied it was possible but frowned upon.”Especially since that could turn very predatory very quickly. But with people who live in the ether yes.” He shrugged. “Not the answer you thought you’d get, I imagine.”

“No,” Esther collected her embarrassment from her face as she thought of another question. “So can I eat? Like can I enjoy my chai tea lattes still, actually I’m hungry. How can I be hungry when I’m dead?!” Now she had forgotten her embarrassment and was now thinking of food. A warm hearty stew sounded good right about now. Huh why am I craving my mom’s stew all of a sudden?

“It’s not that uncommon for someone who’s dead to feel hunger. It’s similar to… ah what’s that called? Phantom limb pain, when someone who has had an amputation feels pain where the limb used to be. Same idea.”

“So how do I stop it?”

“You eat.” He shrugged.

“So how’s any different than real hunger?”

“You won’t die if you ignore it. Other than that it’s not much different.”

“So it sounds like I’m in the world but I can’t participate with the world in the same way living people do but I can still participate to an extent. Can I be photographed?”

“Yes and no, only some people will see you and be able to recognize you ,people who are dying, reapers,me and probably a few more that I’m forgetting.”

“So, I can be photographed and I can eat.” She avoided saying anything to do with what had embarrassed her. “Do I need sleep, and if I don’t need it can I still sleep?”

“Sleep actually has a place here, less because your body needs it, more because your mind does.” Amon pointed to his forehead. “Your mind can play tricks on you when you haven’t slept.”