Obsessions

I'm obsessed with the thought of her- I think of her even when I know she shouldn't be on my mind. I can't get her out of my head no matter what I do. I've expressed these feelings to my friends and family and they all tell me pretty much the same general thing: "we all feel that way sometimes, just don't let it overpower you." They might even be right, but there's something about her that's more important to me than most people are able to conceive. I have trouble believing everyone goes through this type of desire I feel. She's special to me- she's different than others. I get that feeling in my chest whenever she forces her way into my head- I have no control over it. I have trouble putting how I feel into words.
I knew I would see her soon again, but we hadn't made plans so I decided I'd initiate. I asked her to see a show and then we could go home and have a few glasses of wine and see where the wind takes us. I decided the show would be a nice way to get the mood going before we went home; I'd like to treat her well before I tried to make a move. It just felt more appropriate than whatever else was going through my head the past million times, so I settled on a plan before I did anything.
There aren't a lot of shows near where I live; we'd have to go out of state to be able to do anything worthwhile. To my surprise, she agreed to it. I didn't know she'd be up for so much work to spend time with me, but I was glad I was able to make set plans with her.
I got in my car and took her to a show that I deemed appropriate for the situation- they vary in quality depending on where you end up. We walked around for a bit but then decided on where we'd go and had a good time through the whole thing. Luckily, we both enjoyed it and it ended up being a nice addition to the start of our night. I walked with her back to my car and got ready for what may or may not happen when we got back to my house. The drive was quiet yet peaceful- not exactly how I expected it, but nevertheless it was an odd sigh of relief, if you want to see it like that.
We finally got back to my house and I brought her to my bedroom after a glass of wine (or six). I was a bit out of it but she was too- no one was thinking all too clearly in the moment. I had bought her a gift and decided to tell her how I truly feel. It'd be a nice way to show her how I feel and make it special, I thought.
I laid out the blanket, and laid with her for a little bit, but I decided now was the time to do what I had had been planning for years; show her how I truly feel.
I open the case, pull out the gun, and load a round into the magazine. I stand with the blanket behind me to catch the pieces of my head, so the paramedics have less to clean up when I unload into myself. I dial 911, give them my address, and then proceed to tilt the barrel just at a fine enough angle to mangle my brain without leaving me conscious. I knew she would say yes, but I never knew if I'd have the courage to do what In needed to. So I pull the trigger.