A Bad Trip to the Zoo!

It was July 9th, 2022, and it has been a week since that psychopath has broken into your house and terrified the ever living shit out of you. When you found out that the maniac is back, you nearly had a heart attack because you didn't know if or when that crazy POS is going to come back again! However, you get some reassuring news when you find out that the psychopath, along with your brother, is going to Shreveport tonight for a WWE show. You try to get tickets, but found out that they have sold out of tickets quite fast! You decided to try to get your mind off of the crazy fiasco by taking your children and nephews to the zoo!

However, it was pouring down rain outside and you didn't exactly want to be outside looking at the animals in this dreaded weather! You then drive down the road and recognize a restaurant: it was a BBQ restaurant that your brother frequented. You decided to go inside with your family. As you sit down inside, you look and see who is serving you and...just your fucking luck, it's the toothless bitch that not only has a nasty ass attitude, but seems to have the hots for your asshole brother. You also think she is a meth head because of her behavior.


She asks what the Hell you all want and you order a "Family BBQ plate" for the whole family. She looks at you as if you are one stupid mother fucker before she writes down the order and storms off. Your sister makes a comment about how whenever that dick brother is around, she seems to be a Hell of a lot nicer. You just try to reassure her that it's probably nothing and to forget about it. Eventually, the food arrives and it's everything that you ordered...except one thing...the bitch forgot to bring in the BBQ Chicken!
You think that there is some kind of misunderstanding and got up to the counter and tell her that she forgot the chicken. She smirks at you and go "Oh, I forgot your chicken? I'm so sorry...call your brother down here and I can fix that!" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? THIS JUNKIE BITCH WANTS A BOOTY CALL WITH YOUR BROTHER OVER SOME DAMN CHICKEN!!! You tell her that it is impossible to call him in because he is in Shreveport and she says "Well, last time he was here, he was ordering BBQ sandwiches, and before he could finish, that jerk that was with him grabbed him and dragged him out in a hurry and took off like the place was on fire! I later found out through some buddies on Facebook that the prick thought I was trying to 'get dirty' with him at the restaurant. What an asshole! Well whatever, call your brother down here!" You again tell her that it is impossible and she keeps telling you that she doesn't have the chicken. Before things got heated, your girlfriend and sister grabbed you and drag you out before Hell broke lose. Your girlfriend throws a wad of money at her as you are dragged out!

As you head to the zoo, you ask your girlfriend what she do that for because she didn't bring out the chicken! Your girlfriend tells you that she doesn't want you going to jail just over some chicken and you roll your eyes at her, saying whatever as you resume your trip to the zoo. Thankfully, around the time you arrived at the zoo, the weather has cleared up a good bit. You pay the fees and you all go inside. You first head to the small animal exhibit where the only animals out were ferrets and some otters. You then decided to head to another section of the zoo where the bigger animals are. This section has animals that your prick of a brother is quite fond of, such as coyotes and lions. Before you could reach it, you stop at the gorilla exhibit. As you look at the gorillas, one of the ones sitting in a hammock gets up and looks at you with an evil look before he shifts around until his butt is hanging off to the side. He then wiggles his butt until both of his butt cheeks are spread and his nasty looking anus is exposed. You thought "This is gross, kids don't need to be seeing this..." As this lewd display goes on. You then see something that you thought would never happen to you...

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT GODDAMN, GOOD FOR NOTHING APE HAS JUST LITERALLY FLUNG SOME CRAP AT YOU AND NOT ONLY DID IT GET ON YOUR SHIRT, BUT IT GOT ON YOUR FACE AND MOUTH! You dry heaved and stormed off to the nearest bathroom and washed off the crap from your shirt and mouth. You don't think you will ever get this nasty taste and smell from your mouth and nose! Humiliated, you pull the plug on the Zoo trip and immediately leave the place, stinking to high heaven of ape shit! As you ride home, you fought with tooth and nail not to puke up the BBQ from earlier as the smell of fresh shit fills the vehicle. Midway home, you decided to bitch about your humiliating trip to the zoo on Twitter! As soon as you arrive home, you hop out of the vehicle and made a bee line to the nearest shower room!

Sometime later, you see your brother make a post on his Twitter in regards to the incident. It looked like a handwritten note with a bit of money attached to it:

Dear Zookeeper: Please buy a bushel of bananas to the gorilla that flung poo at my jerk brother! -signed Ross

You got so steaming mad reading this, that you grabbed something and chucked it across the room, smashing it. At first, you thought it was your phone, but then realize it was your girlfriend's glasses! When your girlfriend is done picking up the pieces of her glasses, she picks up a broomstick and chases you throughout the house with her blood filled with rage:

"YOU FAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY GLASSES! FIRST THING MONDAY, YOU ARE TAKING ME TO THE STORE AND BUYING ME THE MOST EXPENSIVE PAIR OF GLASSES IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAMN STORE YOU FAT FUCK!!!