The Wake-Chapter One

Believing in happiness has never been the easiest thing for me to do. I miss believing in stupid things like faries and happily ever afters. Now I believe in survival. I don’t have enough energy to believe in much else anymore.
I felt the frostbite nipping at my fingers and toes. It had been several hours since I had been able to move them so I gave up trying. My grumbling stomach served as a distraction from the aches and pains in various places in my body. I didn’t complain. I didn’t dare. Not that complaining didn’t come to mind, it definitely did. I wasn’t used to keeping it so together. I guess I didn’t really have a choice now. So I kept my head down and bit my tongue. Even when all I wanted to do was ask how much longer we’d be sitting here or complain that I hadn’t eaten in a little over 48 hours. That’s probably a bad idea though. It was my fault I hadn’t eaten. Ha, the world’s ending and I still can’t silence the voice in my mind saying I don’t deserve to eat, even when food is the only thing I can think about.
“Jayce” The boy sitting on the other side of the fallen tree that was covered in moss whispered to me. I looked up and saw Jackson with his arm extended towards me, granola bar in hand. I tilted my head and contemplated taking it. He glared at me now.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I spit out through my chattering teeth.He waved his hand at me offering it once again. I shook my head and instantly regretted it.
“Not hungry” I whispered at a volume only he could hear. My stomach grumbled once more, giving me away.
“Take the damn thing Jayce.” Jackson was the only person to call me Jayce and he’d get in trouble if The Members heard him. I was to be referred to as “number thirteen” just as he was only to be called “number nine”. The Members were seated several yards away so we were free to speak as we wished,within reason of course, there could always be spies.
I unwrapped the granola bar the best I could with my useless, frozen fingers, and swallowed it after chewing it only three times. Teasing my stomach had only angered my hunger. I smiled at Jackson in gratitude anyways, he only wanted to help. He nodded his head.
I scooted toward the tree and positioned myself so my back leaned against the damp bark. The clouds parted slightly and semi warm sun rays rested upon my face. I leaned back and closed my eyes, focusing on the warmth. The constant wind made it difficult to do so.
“Thirteen. Let’s go.” A shock shot up my spine, it was the first time I’d been addressed as a soldier. I stood up quickly and grabbed my always too heavy m249 rifle that was draped across my legs. Of course my gun was simply symbolic, a form of hazing. Ridiculous.“Member Liam.” I tilted my head towards him as a sign of respect as I’d practiced many times with Jackson before.Only I didn’t respect this man. I didn’t respect any Member. Jackson had told me the things they do to innocent people, to my parents.
The Members killed my father for stealing a loaf of bread for my brother and me. My mother was killed by association. It pained me every day that I wasn’t there for this event. Only my brother Collin and Jackson were witnesses and my brother hadn’t spoken a word since as a consequence. He was only seven when his parents were murdered before his eyes, I couldn’t exactly blame him for his lack of eagerness to converse. It is his youth that forced me into becoming a soldier for the wake, a military at complete disposal of the Members. Servants in other words, with heavy weapons. Four years had passed since my parents death and as my nineteenth birthday approached it wasn’t possible to avoid joining the wake any longer. It was me or my brother and I wasn’t ready to lose anyone else.
“Come with me.” Liam demanded. I was terrified. I looked at Jackson in a panic and he met my eyes with an apologetic glance. If he were to say anything he would die. The worst Liam would do is rape me, I could survive that. I’d have to survive that. Jackson looked down ashamed, knowing what was probably to come.
I walked silently behind Liam into the wilderness on a dirt path that allowed me to walk easily through without being cut by the thorns of the surrounding plants. I couldn’t say the same for Liam but he walked without care allowing the thorns to pierce his skin through his thin long sleeve shirt. We walked for what seemed like eternity but in reality was probably ten minutes. Maybe I was wrong about the worst thing that could happen to me. I was convinced now he was going to kill me. Although I wasn’t sure why they would force me to join the wake for them to kill me on my first day. I tried to focus on my footsteps and the weight of my gun while we hiked through the never ending forest. I let out an accidental sigh of relief when I saw a cabin in the distance. I was grateful for the misery of the unknown to end. I was excited to die now, Jackson would do a fine job raising Collin. Liam must have misunderstood my sigh. “We’re almost there. Stop complaining.” I picked up my pace. I knew he was walking slower than his usual pace to allow me to keep up. I didn’t want to be treated differently because I was a woman but this was something I couldn’t help. Especially with this pointless gun weighing me down.
The cabin was now in full view. It looked like no one had been there in months at least. Moss and vinces crawled up the walls. It was larger than I thought at first. Maybe even two stories.
Liam yanked the door open and dust fluttered everywhere. I held back a sneeze.I hesitated slightly then stepped inside. My muddy boots were met with freshly mopped oak floors. The inside of the cabin was nothing I would have imagined.Few houses before the war were even this nice. I stood awkwardly waiting for Liam to say something. My arms shaked in protest to the weight of my gun. “Sit.” Liam gestered to an island in the middle of the room with three bar stools surrounding it. I set my gun down and kicked my shoes off out of habit and made my way slowly to the stool before finally sitting down gracefully. Liam chuckled and his face softened from his usual blank expression. “The shoes weren’t necessary. We have someone to clean.” “Sorry.” I muttered, staring at my hands resting in my lap. He laughed again. He walked towards me slowly and I was sure my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I hoped it would. He stopped at the opposite end of the island and leaned against the counter. “Hungry?” He asked nonchalantly. “Wh-what?” I managed to squeak out in the shakiest voice imaginable. He spoke again, “Are you hungry?” I stared blankly at him not sure why he was asking me this. “For food?.” I asked stupidly and immediately regretted it. “Yes for food. Are you slow?”
“N-no. Umm sure I guess I’m hungry.” My uneasiness silenced the voice that didn’t allow me to eat normally. Liam walked back to the fridge and retrieved a few items. I watched him as he carefully made two sandwiches. I hadn’t noticed his beauty before. I’d always seen him as a member and nothing more. My heart rate slowed as I began to relax a little. I didn’t think he was going to hurt me now. That only forced new questions to pop into my mind. Why was I here? What did he want from me?
Liam slid my sandwich across the island on a paper towel towards me. He always stayed on the opposite side of the counter than me, he probably sensed my nerves. I took a bite of my sandwich and was instantly nauseous. The voice was back and I was unable to eat again. “Why am I here?” I asked now with a strong voice, one not hidden by my fear. He shrugged. “I thought you might be hungry.”
“Are you going to kill me?” I asked almost hoping he would say yes. “I haven’t decided yet.” He responded with a straight face. I became uneasy again, “Oh.” I managed to say. He cracks up now. I can’t see what’s funny about this situation but maybe Members have their own sick sense of humor. His lips fell out of a smile and stared at me. “I’m kidding thirteen. You really thought I was going to kill you?” He seemed almost offended. “Well yeah.” I responded slowly to prove to him it was in fact quite obvious. “Or rape me.” His jaw dropped. All sense of humor removed from his expression. “What the fuck. Why would I hurt you?” His voice sounded mean now and he was yelling. I flinched slightly. “Sorry.” I stared at my hands again. When he began to speak again he fought to ease his voice into a more friendly tone. “As a member you are assigned one, maybe two wake soldiers to keep tabs on. I was assigned you. According to my log you haven’t eaten in a few days and you’ve barely had any water. If you die, I get in trouble. So, I hiked all the way out here with you to make sure that you don’t die. I also don’t rape people.”
“Oh.” I felt stupid. Why can’t I come up with anything better to say than “oh”? “Right then. Eat.” he pushed my sandwich towards me again. Saliva filled my mouth convincing me to throw up. I shoved the sandwich down anyways, ignoring my body’s protest. I was afraid of what he would do if I didn’t eat. He stared at me. “There.” I said bluntly “All gone.”
“Thank you.” he replied seemingly genuine. “We should get back. It’s almost dark.” I slid my shoes on and Liam followed. I heaved my large gun into my arms and began the once again silent walk back to the rest of the group. I thought about Jackson, worrying about me back at camp. I would have to explain to him later that nothing had happened to me.”