First Date Anxieties

" This will be interesting" he thought as the crisp January afternoon abruptly entered his airways. "So cold this morning" not taking notice his internal clock was a few hours behind. Too many video games and not enough human interaction over the last few days is making this experience much more difficult than it should be.

"What time is it anyway?" he asked himself. Looking at his phone and exclaiming under his breath "1:19!' he wondered about what he could possibly talk about with his latest new SwipeRight date. His body temperature dropped with each stride he took. It would be almost better to stay home and play 'Call of Duty'. Realizing the absurdity to choose video games over a potential girlfriend he continued his reluctant march onward.

Social anxiety hadn't really kicked in yet. Ignoring the future conversation, he decided would be much easier than contemplating potential topics. Instead he chose to ponder on his glory days. Yesterday he was a battle sergeant. Armed to the teeth with unthinkable artillery. Now he was a shadow of that man. The real world was unforgiving and this woman may prove the fatal blow his already crumbling self esteem needs to completely disintegrate.

But he tries. For this he is brave. Looking at the phone, the frigid weather most definitely robbed him of all the warmth his coat once provided. Almost time. He spots the coffee shop. The slaughterhouse where he will be unable to march out with the same false bravado he is approaching it with. "Oh no!" he thought. Perhaps he should have mentally prepared for this because not only has the anxiety crept in, it has totally consumed every fiber of his anatomy.

"I should just turn back .. I'm already here though". "Should I look in the window? No that's creepy. I should just act like I'm not nervous". Why hadn't he thought of this? Genius! He will just ACT like he's not nervous. This is a ridiculous idea and it occurs to him as he the warmth of the coffee shop soothes his face that he will never be able to pull off such an act. Oh how we wishes he was in front of that big flat screen at home!

It's a fairly bright store with a cheery waitress and many enthusiastic patrons all speaking over one another in such an excited tone that he now realizes this is no place for an introverted guy like himself to have his self esteem handed to him on a plate. Shredded and irreparable he will probably have to conceal it under his coat as he fumbles towards the door hoping nobody will notice. Oh but they will! And they will be laughing ever so loudly. Best he pull it together and stop with these paranoid delusions.

He takes a seat quickly as the server greets him with a smile and gestures toward the table in the center of the store. As he sits he feels a sudden calm permeate his body. He removes his coat and a whiff of coffee soothes his senses. Maybe he had slightly overreacted, maybe this would be fun. With that he receives a text message. "Should be there in 5, I am wearing a yellow hat!" Freakout time was back!

The server who had greeted him suddenly became aware of his insecurity and the impending doom that was to unravel. She sensed it and now she was mocking him with her eyes. Would she show pity or would she side with the SwipeRight butcher who was on her way to the slaughterhouse this very moment? They would likely start talking and then begin laughing at him. "What would they say?" he thought. "So much they could amuse themselves with at my expense."

The door opened and "Yep there it is! .. the yellow hat .. I'm done here!" To make matters worst just at this very moment the server starts to speak to him! "Can I bring you anything?" She asks, pretending that she doesn't know what's about to happen. " I'm just waiting for my friend, can you give me a few moments please?" CHECK! He played that pawn perfectly. "OK" she responded with a smile.

The yellow hat is taken off and he knows he must do something. "Hey, Tiffany?' He asks her, with a self assuredness he accrued from his excellent retaliation to the server. "Oh hi! .. so nice to meet you Greg!" she responds as she elegantly takes off her coat and sits gently across from him. It was time to make conversation. This was the moment of truth and he knew there was no going back now.