the hospital scene

I didn't think she was gonna die. She wasn't supposed to.
I thought you'd be here. I didn't mean what I said. You're not a black hole. You can love. I know you loved. I just don't know what else to do. I cant think of anything else to do. Tell me what to do.
Do you have any money on you? Im not gonna cry. I just need like 20 bucks, I have nothing.
Here. Where are you gonna go? Back to the apartement? It's yours, that part I meant. Go there, it's cold. I cant not know where you are, you know? Im not used to it anymore. I need to know where you are. Can you call, at least? Sometimes?
I'll sell my phone. I won't have it. It's the first thing that goes.
You're not a bad person. That's not how people work, I need you to know that. You did a bad thing tonight, but you aren't bad. People do bad things all the time and good things some of the time and the world goes round.
Why does this keep happening?
I don't know.
Go home mom.
This feels like an end scene In a movie.But In life, there is the final scene.And the scene after that one. The one where you're both still standing, and the camera's still rolling and the words have been said and life still goes on.And you keep begging and fighting and tossing around a lot longer than it makes sense to.But the movie ends just the same.
I miss you. All the time. Even when you're there, even when you're fine, I miss you and I mourn you everyday and its my fault. I didn't even give you a chance. And you know that too and, fine, you think its too late, obviously, but im not giving up. And I know you don't care what happens to you, after...but I want you here. I want you to suffer in this with me. And im sorry. For all of it, okay? Im sorry and I miss you. And I love you. And im here. You can come back to me always.
Goodbye.