Death

Death

We will all die at some point. Death is inevitable and yet, we are so scared of it. We don't want to die, we do everything to avoid death because not only we are scared by it but also scared by others' deaths, our loved ones. Some say that there is hell and heaven, others say that there is something out there without really knowing what, and others don't believe in anything at all only darkness. We don't exactly know what there is after death, we just try to reassure ourselves, so the thought of death seems less terrifying, especially when it comes to loved ones. But death is natural, it is a part of life, and living wouldn't be so interesting and invigorating if death wasn't a part of it.
It's a warning. "Have fun but be careful because I am not that far."
Some people choose death over life, and I totally get it. Sometimes life can get really hard, lonely, and unbearable, so some people choose to escape and die. The real question is, what is the hardest to live with life or people? But that is another story. Those people that chose to cheat on life with death are as strong, courageous, and fearless as weak, terrified and selfish. Because choosing death over life not only means leaving our problems behind but it also means leaving our loved ones, scarring them for life, and who knows maybe they needed you as much as you needed them.
Weirdly enough, I am not scared by death, I could die tomorrow, and I wouldn't care less. I don't have this list of things that I would like to do before I die. For now, I just live. I don't have anything, no perspective for the future, no husband, no kids. Just love from friends and family. I don't want to die because I don't want to hurt them, but if I did, it wouldn't really be a problem.
For a few years now, I have had this feeling of me dying at age 27. Me dying young in a car accident or something like that. It's in 5 years and I accepted it. I am even reassured by the thought of it, it comforts me because I know that it is soon, that I'll be young and will join some good people up there. I don't want to die old anyways, I don't see myself over 30, I just can't picture it. All I want now is to be happy by myself. Understand my likes and my dislikes and finally be ME, 100% me, no faking, no changing. Just me.
How hard it is to finally do what you like for yourself? Stop living for others but living for ourselves, it shouldn't be that hard, the majority of people do it. They know what they want, what they like, what they dislike or even what they hate, and live by it. Without making any fuss, so maybe I should decide and write what I really want, like and hate. Finally, live by it. There is no playbook in life that explains how to really live. Nobody decides for us, we have to make our own choices before death takes us all away. Because death is, and always will be watching over each of our steps until it can finally take us away from all we know. Far from our loved ones, far from our homes and very far from our lives.
When I die, I don't want people crying over my dead body. I don't want people to cry because if I die, I'll finally be in peace and people should be happy. I want all my organs to be donated. I want to be frozen in time in people's memories. I want people dancing, cheering, joking, talking about the good memories. I want people to be happy.
I think that death does not scare me because all I want is to be dead.