Sharing

My husband was taught to literally share his life when he got married. I was taught to share everything, except with my significant other. It sounds weird but growing up I used to give my entire lunch away (before free lunches from the school). I was taught to fight every step of the way for my independence in a relationship. It was always "yours" or "mine". Even when I was in my previous marriage, we may have shared a bank account but we lived separate lives. We had separate expectations in our marriage.
I always remember my mom making excuses for not leaving an unhealthy relationship due to money. My mom "hates" Christmas because of money. I somehow thought that I had escaped any unhealthy monetary relationships because I understood how to pay my bills FIRST, then enjoy what I had left, unlike my mom. She would spend first and panic about how to pay the bills later. It's only now that I realize that I DON'T have a healthy relationship with money. But I'm working on it. That's a discussion for another time, though, now I'm discussing sharing. Money may be a part of sharing but I'm writing today about sharing myself.
It's crazy, I OVERSHARE with strangers, I'll share a meal or my time. I'll share when I have nothing to share, like my lunch. My mom often asked, "why did you give your entire lunch away?" and my response was that I was giving it to the "poor kids." She looked at me and said, "We are the poor kids." But through her examples, I learned that we were somehow better than those "poor kids." White privilege, I guess. Another conversation for another time though. My thoughts are scattered on this subject because I'm just trying to explain the strange dynamic of my sharing versus my husband's.
It just registered to me this morning, when he had called for the 2nd or 3rd time this morning to check on when his dues were paid through and how much money is in the account. I often become annoyed for being treated like his assistant or employee and it literally hit me this morning the amount of trust he has in me and the way that he's literally shared his whole life from the beginning. I may have shared my stories more than he did but he literally opened his whole life to me.
Maybe I overshare details about my life, give away my lunches and even gave away precious items when I was younger to my friends so that I don't have to share myself. As much as I've always believed that I'm an open book and have shared everything with anyone (and everyone), I only share what I decide to share. I am actually a brick wall. I actually don't share with anyone, so the concept of being married and sharing our lives is more than bank accounts, beds, homes, children....it's literally sharing yourself.
My husband isn't insecure, a concept that is foreign to me. He's confident, which I admire, and caring, even if it comes across as harsh. More explanation on that is needed later. He opened his home, heart, and world up to me with unwavering surety that I'd never experienced before. He shares everything with me, except his food.