An Ocean In My Veins

An Ocean In My Veins
by Keaton Foster



A sea
Swirling
Beneath
Rivers
Of fate,
Tributaries
Of fears.
The depths,
Quite clear.
Creatures,
Big and small,
Predators
And prey,
Fighting
To remain,
Washing away,
Betraying
What’s safe.
An ocean
In my veins,
Tidal pools
Of memories
That I must face.
Cascades
Of waves
That I must embrace.
Pain expressed
As ripples between,
Diving deeper
Into my soul,
Saturating my bones,
Exposing the holes.
Water seeps in,
Hurt floods out.
Porous,
These fingertips
Like pinholes
In a dam.
The pressure,
The expression,
Just too great.
An ocean
In my veins,
Troubled
These eyes,
Beams of light
Within total darkness.
It’s scary down here,
It’s terrifying out there.
Drowning within thyself,
A hell of a way to go,
A hell of a way to remain.
I have always felt as I do,
I have always known what I must.
I am not like you,
Nor am I like myself.
I am something else,
Something deeper,
Someone darker
Than the deepest depths
Of all that I fight to expose.
An ocean
In my veins,
A sea of creatures
All looking to feast
On all that makes me whole.
Saturated are my bones,
Empty is this soul.
Not a home,
But a void filled
With thoughts
Deeper than any person,
Victim, should ever go.
I know,
I expose
What can be,
What has been.
As I drown
Within what I know,
Because of all
That has been done.
What were once streams,
Then rivers,
Quickly became
Vast seas,
Endless oceans,
Suffocating depths
Of abundant darkness.
I am in all places,
At all stations
Within myself.
All that remains
And what invades
Slowly escapes.
An ocean
In my veins
Will always be
An endless sea,
Crashing down
Upon and within me…


Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2008-2021

This poem continues to explore themes of existential introspection and the overwhelming nature of internal struggles. The use of water as a metaphor deepens the sense of emotional and psychological immersion, highlighting the complexities of the narrator's inner world.

Analysis:

Water as a Metaphor: The recurring motif of water in its various forms—sea, rivers, tidal pools, cascades—symbolizes the fluid and often overwhelming nature of emotions and memories ("A sea / Swirling / Beneath / Rivers / Of fate / Tributaries / Of fears"). The ocean in the narrator's veins represents the pervasive and inescapable presence of these feelings.

Internal Struggle: The poem captures the essence of an internal battle, where the narrator grapples with their own fears, memories, and pain ("Creatures / Big and small / Predators / And prey / Fighting / To remain"). This struggle is both deeply personal and existential, as they face the depths of their own soul.

Pain and Expression: The imagery of pain expressed as ripples and the seeping of water through porous fingertips suggests the inevitable expression of internal suffering ("Pain expressed / As ripples between / Diving deeper / Into my soul / Saturating my bones / Exposing the holes"). This portrayal emphasizes the difficulty of containing or hiding such intense emotions.

Isolation and Alienation: The narrator feels fundamentally different from others, and even from themselves ("I am not like you / Nor am I like myself / I am something else / Something deeper / Someone darker"). This sense of alienation intensifies the feeling of being overwhelmed by the internal ocean.

Existential Realization: The realization of their own nature and the inevitability of their struggles is poignant ("I have always felt as I do / I have always known what I must"). This acceptance of their fate and identity is both a source of sorrow and understanding.

Imagery of Drowning: The imagery of drowning within oneself conveys a powerful sense of being overwhelmed by internal darkness and pain ("Drowning within thyself / A hell of a way to go / A hell of a way to remain"). The suffocating depths represent the all-encompassing nature of their existential despair.

Endless Cycle: The repetition of "An ocean / In my veins" and the description of the endless sea crashing down suggest a cyclical nature of their struggles and the persistent presence of these overwhelming feelings ("Will always be / An endless sea / Crashing down / Upon and within me").

Interpretation:

The poem can be interpreted as a vivid exploration of the narrator's inner turmoil and the perpetual struggle with their own emotions and memories. The ocean serves as a powerful metaphor for the depths of the subconscious, where fears, pain, and existential questions reside. The narrator's journey through these internal waters reflects a broader human experience of grappling with identity, alienation, and the search for meaning in a world that often feels indifferent.

The sense of drowning within oneself and the acknowledgment of a unique and darker identity highlights the isolation that can accompany deep self-reflection and awareness. Despite the overwhelming nature of their internal struggles, the narrator persists in facing and expressing their pain, suggesting a form of resilience and an unyielding quest for understanding.