The DUI

I knew I was in trouble immediately. I watched in the rear view mirror as the officer approached, my heart pounding quickly in my chest.

"Evening sir," he said.

"Hello," I replied, trying to keep my words to a minimum and trying to sound casual. I'm not sure if I pulled off the casual part, actually the hello sounded forced and uncertain, almost like a question.

"Where are you headed this evening?" He asked.

"Making some deliveries."

"So you're working then?"

"Ah, yes sir." The sir was too much.

"How did you end up like this, and more importantly what's in the cup?"

I looked down at the the cup seated in the center cup holder. My answer here was going to be important, and could mean a good night or a very bad night.

"Milk sir, there's milk in the cup."

I regretted the words as soon as they came out. That was not the answer I wanted to give. I gave myself a little kick to the shin and winced.

"I doesn't look like milk, and it certainly doesn't smell like milk. Step from the vehicle sir."

Okay, this was it. This was going to be a bad night if I didn't say something, something smart, right now.

"Officer, at the last roof, one of the reindeer got spooked by a flashing light and I turned the wheel a little too quickly and bounced off the chimney and wound up here."

"Mmhmm," he mumbled, "so it's the reindeers fault?"

"Yes sir, the one with the nose." I whispered the last part so Rudolph wouldn't hear.

"I think the reindeer are just fine. I think it's what's in the cup that's the problem."

He held some type of device in front of my face.

"Please blow into the tube."