Ambivalence

Specks of rains drops spit down on me as I approach Lexi’s purple Honda Civic. I peer up at the blue-black sky, catching sight of the menacing thick clouds, rolling in like boulders. As Lexi unlocks her car, I see a burst of lightning flashing in the distance, creating a mountain silhouette.

“Just in time,” I say, a tingling sensation traveling up my arms.

“For reals,” Sam groans, hobbling along in her bulky boot.

A clap of thunder ushers me quickly inside the passenger side door. Once I secure my feet to the floor board, I pull my phone out and hold it in front of Lexi. “Can you go by this address on our way home?” I ask.

“Sure.” She nods.

Sam takes longer to position herself in the back seat next to Jordan, giving me time to silence my phone as the voice activated instructions to Bryce’s house emit. I prop it up in Lexi’s cup holder, giving her a convenient view.

With a knot growing in my stomach, I tap the passenger side door frame rapidly, nervous about my covert operation.

“How old do you think Josh is?” Lexi asks, distracting my anxious thoughts.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Early thirties.”

“Really? That old?” She says, a line of disappointment resting between her brows.

“It’s hard to say. His facial hair is throwing me off.”

“Can you find out?”

My lips press into a smile, amused by her interest. “Yes. I can ask.”

“And if he’s not interested in Lexi, I call dibs,” Jordan announces, surprising us all with her candor.

I peer over my shoulder and aim my shocked expression her way.

“You better watch out, Lex,” Sam begins playful, leaning forward in her seat. “Apparently, you’re not the only one ready to jump his bones.”

Laughing, Lexi replies, “I’m willing to share if she is.”

Her response brings us all to laughter, especially Jordan and her embarrassed shade of red.



The rain picks up.

It’s as if the pitter-patter of tiny feet find the windshield and dance to their hearts content. For a moment, I’m relaxed and able to enjoy the rhythmic sound. That is until Lexi decides to whip around an intersection and cause my heart to raise into my throat.

“Sorry,” she yells out. “Almost missed our turn.”

Her speed accelerates and I can’t help but clutch the sides of my seat.

“Lex you need to slow down,” I urge.

“Where are you even going?” Sam asks, peering out the fogged up window.

“I don’t know,” Lexi answers, throwing up a hand, and then pointing at my phone. “Wherever this address is taking us…Ask Ally.”

“Seriously Lex,” I press. “This isn’t Fast and the Furious. Slow it down.”

Eventually she listens to me and drops to a safe speed, adjusting her windshield wipers in the process. The rain softens to a light drizzle, making it easier to see out the windows.

“How am I going to walk in this rain?” Sam asks, realizing her boot isn’t waterproof.

I reach to the floor board and grab a plastic bag at my feet. “Here,” I say, handing it to Sam. Use a hair tie to keep it wrapped in place.”

“Thanks, I seriously couldn’t live without you.”

“Ditto,” I say happily.

Finally feeling some sort of control, I relax in my seat. But my peace of mind quickly fades.

Reflecting in the mirrors, is red and blue strobe lights, urging Lexi to pull over. My heart skips a beat.

As soon as Lexi catches sight of the flashing police car, her composure is lost. I’ve never heard her swear so much, and so fast.

“What am I going to do? I can’t get a ticket,” she says, pulling her hair up with both hands. “My dad is still furious about the last one.”

“Maybe you’ll get off with a warning,” Jordan offers, hoping to calm her best friend.

“Doubtful,” Lexi admits, planting a hand to her forehead.

A knock on the window startles Lexi. I hear her curse under her breath just before she rolls down the window.

“Hey, there,” the officer begins calmly, friendlier than I expect. “Where y’all headed this evening?”

“A friends house,” I speak up, angling myself closer to Lexi.

“Yes,” Lexi confirms. “What she said.”

“I see.” His penetrating glance doesn’t suggest he’s convinced. “I’m going to need to see your license and registration.” He continues, quirking his unruly eyebrows.

“Yes, of course,” Lexi says, swallowing in distress.

As she rummages through her wallet, I examine the officer’s uniform. I don’t recognize his name or face—not that I should. I’ve only been to the station twice and meeting additional cops wasn’t exactly on my priority list.

While officer Palmer’s face appears middle aged, his broad shoulders and rounded biceps speak differently. For an older guy, he’s in descent shape. His pressed blue uniform and clean-cut hair style reflect a sense of pride.

As Lexi hands over the requested items, her voice is timid, “Am I getting a ticket?”

“I’m afraid so,” officer Palmer admits, losing the softness in his voice. “I’m writing you up for speeding and making an illegal turn.”

“Wait—no,” she says frantic. “Listen, I hate driving in the rain, and I went a little faster than normal, but that was only so we could get to our destination faster.”

With a frustrated sigh, he deepens his frown. “You never want to drive fast in the rain. It’s a danger to you and everyone on the road.”

In desperation, Lexi attempts to sway the displeased cop with a name drop. “Christian Salyers,” she mutters.

“What about him?” He asks, his voice surprisingly curious.

“This is his girlfriend.” She points.

My jaw starts to drop, but I quickly lift it and pretend everything is fine—that my friend didn’t just drag me into a flat out lie.

“Do you know him?” Lexi asks, keeping her voice even.

“Yes, everyone knows Detective Salyers. His mom is second in command.”

The slight shift in the officers tone suggests a new kind of energy. A nervous energy, and it’s generating a twitch in his right hand.

He leans forward to get a better view of my face. “You know Christian?” he asks, narrowing his brown eyes.

My voice doesn’t break as I answer. “I know him very well.”

“And what is your name?” He presses.

“Ally,” I mumble.

It’s my turn to swallow hard. The fear of Lexi’s fabrication creating havoc in Christian’s professional life is in the forefront of my mind. Not to mention the damage it could possibly do to his personal life. Plus, if Christian and I truly are drifting apart, I don’t see how this deception helps any.

“I’ll be right back,” Officer Palmer announces.

I turn sideways in my seat, scowling at Lexi. “I can’t believe you just did that,” I say, heat rising to my cheeks. “Are you trying to piss my ex off or what?”

Lexi meets my heated gaze, her green eyes pleading with me. “Ally. I’m so sorry. I panicked.”

“What if he calls him?” I blaze, bouncing my leg over my knee. “Then what?”

I can feel myself start to panic. My breathing is becoming fast and irregular.

“It’s gonna be OK,” Sam whispers, squeezing my shoulder from behind. “We don’t even know if he’s going to call. Everyone just breathe.”

Sam’s pep talk alleviates my anxiety some and also makes me realize how over dramatic I’m being.

I take a deep breath and apologize. “I’m sorry Lex,” I begin rueful. “I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”

“It’s fine.” She shrugs. “And if Christian gets upset that I dropped his name, I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Thanks.” I force a small smile, knowing it’s possible Lexi’s explanation won’t be enough to appease him.

Laying my head against the window, I cast a glance at the building next to us. The storefront window has several strings of white lights hanging in display. It’s a small and pleasant distraction from my troubled thoughts.

“You OK?” Sam asks, touching my shoulder once again.

“I’m fine.” I lie.

I can’t shake my fears about Christian. Fear that he’s upset with me and soon to be more upset. Fear that he’s finally over me and perfectly content with Tess.

My heart aches for his warmth and playfulness. Not just the physical kind. But the fondness in his voice. His warm smile and thoughtful remarks. I didn’t get much of that tonight.

“Why is he taking so long?” Jordan finally speaks.

“I don’t know.” Lexi grunts. “But it’s definitely not a good sign.”

“Here he comes,” Sam gestures.

The officer returns with a faint smile and a slight spring in his step.

“Here you go,” he says, handing Lexi her documents. “Everything’s been taken care of.”

“Really?” Lexi asks, her voice dripping with disbelief.

“Yep. Have a good night— Oh…,” Bending down unexpectedly, the officer catches my gaze, his voice solemn. “Christian said expect a call from him later, not a text.”

“Uh, OK,” I murmur, unsure why that clarification was needed.

Officer Palmer pats the top of the car. “Drive safe.”

As he returns to his vehicle, Lexi beams my way. “Well that’s great news,” she exclaims.

“Great news that you didn’t get a ticket,” I inform her flatly.

Lexi frowns. “Why are you still upset? He didn’t say Christian was angry. And if he was, don’t you think he would’ve told him the truth—and to issue me a ticket?”

I shake my head in uncertainty. “I honestly don’t know what’s going through Christian’s mind. I’ll find out later tonight, I guess.”

As Lexi pulls into an upscale neighborhood, my self-pitying thoughts quickly shift to curiosity. Every uniquely constructed home encircling us suggests Bryce is wealthier than I anticipated. The attention to detail on each property is grand, from the brick driveways to the intricate window designs. Even the landscaping is elaborate enough to be a mortgage. Clearly I underestimated my bosses fortune.

“Why are we in Bryce’s neighborhood?” Sam inquires, bordering a suspicious tone.

“I have a confession to make,” I begin, twisting in my seat. “I told Bryce we might stop by on our way home.”

“What? You know I don’t want to talk to him.”

The pain in Sam’s voice weighs heavy on me. Hurting her is the last thing I want.

“I’m sorry,” I express sincerely. “Bryce said he needed to see you for a minute. I was hoping you’d feel differently by now.”

“Well, I don’t.” she retorts.

“We’re here,” Lexi mumbles, stopping along side the curb of a cream-colored, Spanish style home. “Should I keep driving?”

The two story home leaves me momentarily speechless. My eyes are immediately drawn to the dark-brown roof tiles, their rich color matching the color of the window trims, as well as an arched double door entry. A ornate glass design covers most of the elegant doors. Even at night the house is showcased in a luxurious way, with lights perfectly placed and angled for curb appeal.

“Geez!” Jordan exclaims. “It’s so fancy. Look at the built in lights on the stairs leading up to the doors. And that bowl of fire on the stone block next to the garage.”

“Why didn’t you mention your boyfriend is loaded?” Lexi asks, moving her head to get a better view of the house.

“I don’t know,” murmurs Sam. “Does it matter?”

Lexi struggles to answer. “Well, no, but…”

“I think we’re all just a little shocked,” I finish for her.

“Uh, that’s an understatement,” Jordan says, still in disbelief.

With the storm continuing to brew, Lexi inquires about the inside of the home with as much enthusiasm and curiosity as a three year old. My attention is persuaded elsewhere as I spot a masculine silhouette watching us from behind the glass doors. As pressing as it is, I keep it to myself.

“So what do you want to do?” Lexi asks, popping a piece of gum in her mouth.

“Leave.” Sam groans.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “What if this is all a big misunderstanding?”

“It’s not, Ally. Trust me. He doesn’t feel the same way I do.”

“Tell me why you think that,” I press, turning to face her. “Because when I talked to Bryce earlier, he made it sound like you were struggling with your own feelings. He said your emotions were all over the place.”

Her posture slumps in her seat as she responds. “Yeah…He’s right. I was a basket case.”

Something about her reply doesn’t sit well with me. It’s as if she is agreeing out of guilt or shame, and I get the sense her pain is coming from something more.

A hard knock on the window frightens everyone to a shrieking scream. I crane my neck to see Bryce standing next to the car, wearing jeans and a navy sweatshirt, the words New York embroidered on the front. Observing him in casual attire is an odd and unfamiliar sight. He looks like a different person, less informal and more relatable for once.

“Now what?” Jordan asks, worried.

Hoping to keep Sam’s gaze, Bryce taps the window again.

“Can I talk to you?” He pleads, his voice muffled from the car window and rain.

My best friend doesn’t mumble a word, just shakes her head at him.

“Sam, please?” He begs, pulling his hood over his head.

The rain is starting to pickup. Between the heavy shower and the fogged up windows, I can barely make out Bryce’s face.

“Just give him five minutes,” I suggest.

“No,” she barks. “Lexi start driving.”

“Wait,” I say urgent. I open my car door and step outside into the downpour. Goosebumps spread up my legs and arms as I slam the door in haste. My head and feet are immediately soaked, but I’m too preoccupied to care.

“She doesn’t want to talk,” I say, brushing my damp hair out of my face.

“I can see that,” Bryce answers, sending me a bemused look. “You’re getting drenched kid. Get back in the car.”

“It’s fine.” I shrug, ignoring my freezing toes. “But I don’t think you’re going to have any luck tonight. She needs time.”

“I just need her to listen. Do you think she can hear me well enough?”

My chattering teeth manage to mumble. “Yes, but talk loud.”

Bryce leans closer to the window as he speaks, “I know you think I don’t care about our relationship, but it’s all I think about. You remind me every day that I deserve the same love that I give. And Sam, you’ve given me so much love these last few weeks. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”

As he continues, I’m surprised once more by his openness and vulnerability. “You came into my life at just the right time. Before, I was stuck in a dark season, not really moving forward. I felt alone. But not anymore. And I realized something tonight. I love you Samantha. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner—“

Sam interrupts Bryce with the swing of her door. Stepping out of the car and onto the sidewalk, she says, sweetly and softly, “you love me?”

Her face is met with the gentle palms of her boyfriends hands, as he responds slowly and purposefully, “Yes, baby girl. I love you more than anything.” Bryce then plants a soft kiss to her forehead as the rain continues to fall and bathe them both. “Do you want to know why?” He carries on, kissing the top of her head this time.

“Why?” She asks, reaching her arms around his neck.

“Because you support me in all the things I’m passionate about.”

“Well, that’s because I can appreciate all the tiny things that make you who you are. And I love you too.”

His smile widens. “I was hoping you might say that.”

I try to look away as they share a long and passionate kiss, but my eyes are drawn to them like a deer to headlights. For more than a moment, they seem to be lost in a blazing romantic encounter, and I find myself yearning for my own heated exchange.

Even though I’m cold and wet, it’s a picturesque setting. The rain coming down in a rhythmic dance, bright sheets of lightning flashing in the distance and the strong arms of a man folded around a beautiful girl as his lips stay glued to hers. It’s as if I have a front row seat to a swooning movie-making scene.

Still wrapped snugly in Bryce’s arms, Sam glances my way. Her grin quickly transforms to a pity induced frown as she catches sight of me.

“Ally, why didn’t you get back in the car?” She asks.

My arms cling to my sides. “I don’t know. Seemed pointless after being soaked in seconds.”

“Both of you should come inside,” Bryce suggests, gesturing his hand my direction. “You can warm yourselves up by the fireplace.”

“OK, but just for a minute,” I insist. I tap on the window next to me and yell out to Lexi, “Be right back!” After I see a nod from her, I follow Bryce and Sam in a hurry. That warm fire is calling my name…

Once inside, I’m surprised by the interior. I expect to see marble or tile floors and white furnishings. Some modern sculptures or statues. But mostly, I expect to feel cold and unbalanced as I walk in. Instead, Bryce’s home immediately produces a relaxed ambiance. Dark wood flooring and matching exposed beams extend across the house in a rustic yet, sophisticated design. A curved staircase with traditional wood steps and a modern iron railing is within eyeshot of the entry.

As we stroll past the earthy, mosaic tiled kitchen, a few unpacked boxes catch my eye. It presents me with a silent question or two.

“I’ll grab some towels,” Bryce addresses as he points us in the direction of the living room.

I breathe in a soothing blend of sandalwood and smoky vanilla as we enter the cozy and sizable room. Sam and I are quick to stand in front of the crackling fire, which pleasantly adds to the homely aesthetic.

Warm neutral shades are spread evenly with a few pops of color here and there. But the main attraction, the one I’m most intrigued by, is the library of books, displayed in the most unique fashion. Positioned in front of a massive arched window, is a long, rectangular oak desk. On that same wall, floor to ceiling built in bookshelves cascade around the window frame. The eclectic display creates a rainbow of books, and an incredible piece of art.

Returning with a handful of folded white towels and a sympathetic smile, Bryce says, “I wish I had more to offer. You both look frozen.”

Sam and I grab a towel from his arms and drape our shoulders like a cape. The cotton fabric gives immediate warmth and comfort. With a towel wrapped around his neck, Bryce tosses a few more logs into the fire, and pokes it with an iron rod. The fire roars into a spectacular show of bright flames, heating my backside.

Poor Sam still shakes and struggles to find alleviation. It doesn’t surprise me that she’s still shivering. Her frame is looking thinner than normal, and it can only be making it harder for her body to regulate heat.

“I need to take a hot shower,” she confesses, treading carefully in her plastic covered boot. “I can’t get warm.”

“That’s fine,” I assure her. “I can wait.”

I watch Sam set off without hesitation. She seems to know her way around Bryce’s home fairly well and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

“You should go change too,” I suggest to Bryce. “You’re just as soaked, if not more.”

“I will,” he says, drying his dark hair with his towel. “But for now…” He quickly slips his shoes and socks off and sets them by the fire. “This will do.” His drenched sweatshirt comes off next, leaving him with a somewhat dry T-shirt and damp jeans.

“Can I get you a drink?” He asks. “I have a full bar.”

Rolling my eyes with a smirk, I say. “Of course you do.”

“So is that a yes?”

“Umm… I guess so,” I say hesitant. “Hopefully it will warm me up.”

“Exactly why I offered. What would you like?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Surprise me.”

Quirking his eyebrows, he points out my conflicting answer. “Says the girl who hates surprises.”

“Right.” I blush. “I’ll just have whatever you’re having.”

“Be right back.” He nods, flashing a small smile on his way out.

Once I’m alone, my curiosity takes over. I trace my fingertips along the two tan chairs facing the coffee table, noting the soft, luxurious fabric. Alluring me over quickly is the built in bookcase on the focal wall. A vintage wood ladder leads to the top, tempting me to climb it. Instead I grab the closest hard covered book and scan the title. Gone With The Wind.

As I pan through the pages of the classic novel, a musky smell wafts to my nose. The scent reminds me of chocolate and coffee. I return the book and make my way to the oak desk, which is lengthy enough to be a dining room table. A few stacked books rest on top, along with a potted plant. To my surprise, there are no pictures or personal touches of any kind.

Making a half circle around the room, I pause at the light blue sofa and adjust a few of the colorful pillows. The vintage rug staged in the middle of the simple furniture attracts my eye. It’s dark orange and blue hues pull the room together nicely. But my main thought throughout the self-guided tour is more of a budding question…

“Did you design this house yourself?” I ask as Bryce enters the room carrying two drinks.

“The architectural details, yes…,” he answers, handing me a small glass. “The furnishings and color schemes were all chosen by a home decorator. I believe she called the design “Eclectic Granny.”

“Love that.” I giggle.

After taking a sip of my drink, my brain registers the taste right away. Bourbon. Even though it’s strong, I still enjoy the smooth warmth it brings.

“So I have to ask…“ I begin slowly.

“Of course you do,” he interrupts, mocking me.

An unwanted smile tugs at my lips.

“Hey, you’re the one that told me to never hold back, remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” he says slowly, his mouth curling at the edges.

“You better,” I warn.

Chuckling, he asks, “What is it you want to ask me?”

“I was wondering if your successful business is to thank for this amazing house.”

“Not exactly. About a year ago, I made a couple investments that paid off. Actually, besides my poker buddies, you and Sam are the only ones to see it. It was just finished a couple months ago.”

“What kind of investments did you make?” I inquire.

“Hmm…” He peers away and swigs the rest of his drink. “Risky ones,” he finally mutters.

The vague answer I receive suggests he’s not going to give an actual answer. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t trust me enough or if it’s an entirely different reason. Either way, I suddenly feel as if I overstepped with my intrusive question.

“While I have you here, I want to show you something,” he says, eager to change the subject. With the built-in book case in his sight, Bryce advances towards the right bottom corner. He then grabs a book of some kind and ambles next to me. “A little birdie told me you like to journal. This specific one has been passed down for years, but it’s yet to be written in. I’d like you to have it.”

I take the distressed leather journal with the belt wrap closure into my hands and examine it with amazement. The diary looks worn and rustic, but in a really neat historic manner. I open it carefully and see that’s it’s coalesced with classic vintage paper.

“This is absolutely beautiful, but I can’t accept this. Something this nice should stay in your family.”

“My family is a mixture of readers and dreamers. We don’t really write. It will just continue to collect dust if you don’t take it.”

“Honestly, I can’t Bryce. It’s too valuable.”

He folds his arms across his chest, displaying his well sculpted biceps. “Well as your friend and boss, I insist. Besides, you deserve it. Garret and I appreciate all your help.”

“Really?” I glare at him. “You’re going to guilt me into accepting a gift?”

“Yep. Because I saw the way your face lit up when you saw it.”

“Alright, fine.” I sigh in defeat. “Thank you. This really is a wonderful gift and I promise to use it.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Hardening his expression, Bryce brings up an unexpected topic. “I talked to my brother today. He mentioned you both found some discrepancies on one of the accounting files.”

I try my best to breathe normal and remind myself I did nothing wrong.

“It was an error on my part,” he continues. “I miscalculated some things. But I wanted you to know, Garret and I got everything squared away.

“That’s great,” I say with feigned enthusiasm, unsure if I believe him.

Sliding his hands into his pockets, he says, “I hope you know I would never steal from a client or embezzle money from my own company.”

“Right now, all I really care about is how you treat Sam,” I say earnestly, gazing into his silver blue eyes.

“And how am I doing so far?” He asks, skiming a hand over his five a clock shadow.

I heave a sigh, mulling over what I should say.

“I guess I’m concerned,” I begin, setting my drink on the desk. “You say you love Sam, but earlier tonight you were ready to let her go.”

“I promise that was not the outcome I wanted. It was only meant to show how much I value her well-being. It was a mistake.”

“She was really hurting tonight.” I point out.

“I know. I’m trying to do better. Sam makes me want to do better. In fact, I try not hide anything from her. She’s aware I’ve made more than a few bad decisions in my life.”

Narrowing my eyes, I ask boldly, “Have you made any bad decisions since you met her?”

He blows a raspberry. “Depends on your definition of bad, I guess.”

“Anything illegal,” I make clear.

A rustling sound draws my attention. I realize it’s Sam plastic covered boot approaching. Wearing an oversized sweatshirt, she joins us cheerfully, a genuine sparkle in her eye.

“What did I miss?” She asks, sliding an arm around her mans waist.

“Your boyfriend gave me this incredible journal.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“I agree. But we should probably get going. Lexi and Jordan are waiting.”

Drawing Sam in, Bryce holds her snugly and kisses her forehead. “She’s right,” he says, “Go enjoy the rest of your girls night.”

“It’s certainly been an adventure so far,” she admits, tilting her head up for a goodbye kiss.

Bryce misses the hint—or is too curious to proceed.

“What club did you say you went to?” He asks, aiming his question at me.

“Club Rad,” I reply, already heading to the front door.

Following close behind me, Bryce asks another question, one I was hoping to avoid.

“I heard it’s nearly impossible to get in unless you know someone. How did you four manage it?”

Sam starts to giggle. “Tell him Ally.”

“Maybe another time,” I say over my shoulder, suddenly very anxious.

“At least give me the short version,” Bryce presses.

Opening the front door in urgency, I breathe in deeply, feeling the moisture circulate the air, and the smell of wet cement fill my nose.

“I don’t think she’s ready to share,” Sam explains. “Just know, once Ally sets her mind to something, good luck stopping her.”

I smile at Sam’s notion and peer to Bryce, curious for his reaction.

“Good to know,” he acknowledges, sending a quick wink my way. He shares a kiss goodbye with his charmed girlfriend, then opens the door wider for us.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Sam says, carefully walking down the front steps.

“Have a good night,” I toss out as I leave.

“Hold up,” Bryce whispers. “The answer is no. To your question earlier. Nothing illegal. Promise.”

I nod my head and smile. “Good.”

As much as I’d like to believe Sam’s persuasive boyfriend, I can’t. Because in my gut, I sense he’s hiding things.

The problem is, I like Bryce. How could I not enjoy the praise and encouragement from an attractive guy? He’s already given me so much. A sense of purpose, desirable work experience, genuine friendships, even a beautiful journal.

But I have to ask myself, is he eventually going to want something in return? Something I can’t give him?



The four of us make it back to my house just before midnight. After I hop in the shower and change into my Batman pajama bottoms, I grab a handful of the snacks I prepared and spread them on the coffee table. The growl from my stomach is so loud it creates a roar of laughter in the living room.

“Next time we eat before we go clubbing,” I say as a partial joke.

“Well this is so much better,” Sam says, holding a chocolate covered strawberry with her teeth. “Thanks for arranging all of this.”

“Anytime.” I smile. With a stick of string cheese hanging from my mouth, I set the game cards into piles and explain the concept. “…So basically whoever gets twenty-five cards wins.”

Jordan tosses the dice and takes the first card. As I watch her big brown eyes read it in her head, the apples of her cheeks begin to blush.

“It’s a truth card,” she explains. “It says: how many people have you slept with?”

“You don’t have to answer,” I convey with empathy.

“It’s fine.” She shrugs. “Because my answer is zero.”

“One,” Lexi confesses.

“Two,” Sam divulges.

“Hold up,” I say, gesturing my hand in the air. “Only Jordan answers and keeps the card.”

Lexi tucks her hair back. “My bad,” she says. “Got a little carried away there. So what about you Ally?”

My brain is still processing Sam’s answer, wondering when she and Bryce decided to go all the way. The last conversation we had about sex—before Ayden died—she wanted to take things slow. Apparently that is not the case with her newfound relationship.

“My count is also zero,” I say with a sigh. “But that will most likely change next weekend—so if either of you have any advice for me…”

“Enjoy the foreplay,” Lexi blurts, “because after that, there’s not much to enjoy.”

“Depends on the partner,” Sam points out. “But make sure it’s what you want, because it’s your body. Not his.”

Jordan curls her long legs to her chest. “Sorry, I don’t have any advice.”

“It’s OK Jordan. Listening and being here is just as important.”

The next hour is filled with so many giggles as we learn personal details about one another that we didn’t know before. Apparently Lexi and Sam have both sent nudes. Jordan can peel a banana with her feet—quite the impressive dare. And somehow, I’ve been voted most likely to wake up holding a burrito in my hand.

The sleepover ends with a scary movie at Lexi’s request. Thanks to her, I’m the only one still awake, waiting for my mind to shut off. I can’t really blame the movie. The events of the evening are reason enough to keep me from slumber. Starting and ending with Sam’s relationship drama. That entanglement has me wiped. But even through the snores and fidgeting, I can still hear my phone buzzing on the couch. I quickly snatch it and hurry to the entry way.

“Hey Christian,” I say soft and low.

“Hey…were you asleep.” His voice sounds extra rough from fatigue.

“Wide awake actually.”

“Long night?” He inquires.

“Very.”

A bright light shines through the entry way window, prompting me to take a peak through the wood blinds. To my surprise, I see a familiar white SUV parked out front.

“Christian,” I say like I’m asking a question.

“Yeah?” He answers, curious.

“Why are you in front of my house?”

“Good question…”