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Rated: E · Critique · Fantasy · #2253135
As stated, this is a rough draft. Any feedback is encouraged.
Rough draft

I was jolted awake with the unmistakable sound of a shattering window. I cry out in fear as pieces of my past flash before my eyes. Not only that, but it takes me a moment to regain my bearings and notice that it was my window that was shattered. The scent of gunpowder and smoke wafting through the hole where my window was. Instinct propelling me out of bed, and reaching for my revolver. With trembling hands, I quickly click the cylinder open and load a few bullets into the empty chambers. Clicking it shut, and shoving it in my uniform as more things shatter around me and panic is evident all around. Demolition and destruction cause debris to fly all around me. I instinctively cover my face with my arms. Pushing on I try to take a moment to breathe which proved impossible.

Smoke is still pouring in and the heat from the nearby flames begins to burn the air around, me, causing me to have a coughing fit. 'I can't breathe' I begin to instantly panic. My obligation to the war effort is the only thing keeping me going. ' I have to get to the ward downstairs' Baby steps, The loud cries of fear and pain start echoing all around me. It takes me a moment to register that it's coming from downstairs." My girls need me! The soldiers need me!" I cry out. Reaching the door, I hiss in pain as I grab the door knob. I begin to try to kick it open. 'It's jammed!' I hit and kick at the door some more in frustration."COME ON!" I cry out.

In all the commotion, I hear something heavy hit the floor near me. I look down and see the gun on the floor. Dumbfounded that I didn't think of this sooner, I pick it up and quickly check the chamber. ' Good it's full' I think. Much to my relief. Pulling back the calk and releasing a few rounds at the doorknob. Finally, cracking the doorknob off. I kick the door open and stumble backwards, losing my footing. Hitting the floor with a hiss of pain escapes my mouth. The chaos continued to reign, unfathomable around me. Everything is in disarray.

"I have to get to my girls!' My thoughts become frantic. 'They must be so scared or hurt!' I act quickly, sprinting towards the ward below while ducking falling debris, smoke, and frantic hospital staff and soldiers. The gun fire sounding too loud all around me, Wales of anguish and fear elope me. I begin to panic, The smoke thick in the air, making it impossible to breathe. I try coughing to ease the suffocation, with little relief.

My head is pounding, and my vision begins to blur. Obligation to my girls and the war effort keep me going. Pushing through fog forming and the surrounding chaos. I manage to reach the ward and begin barricading the door. My every breath seems to be too loud to my ears, my vision becomes distant and blurry. The patients begin crying out in pain, rage and fear. I hear another blast and stumble.

I try ducking the falling debris. While doing my breathing techniques to stay calm.
The artillery landed this time close enough to shake the ground and make the hospital roof cave in. Another blast causes more demolition around me and Something heavy falls, pinning me down. Knocking the breath out of me.
Artillery continues to pepper the surrounding area. I struggle to free myself with little energy left. I weakly cry out for help, receiving no reply. As the pain increases, it becomes unbearable. I close my eyes. Giving in to the darkness.

(Have Mary- Ann pass out and Introduce new character here)

         


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