Certain thoughts and ideas

When I was a kid I always had this dream where I was always surrounded by those that loved and cherished me. However, I never fully understood why I always felt lonely. Turns out, I did not know how to accept it because I could not understand how anyone could love me or accept me. Especially if my own parents never did to begin with.
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To be honest, I never fell in love with you. I told myself I did because I wanted to believe it existed. I’ve come to terms that the feeling may be plausible. Just not with you.
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The Universe has a sense of humor. This time, I know it's true because I felt it when I looked deep into his eyes. I can’t believe I actually fell for him, to the depth of my soul. Sadly, for me, he will never know. I now know how love really feels and it terrifies me. So much, I no longer want it. Especially since it was awoken with no reciprocation.
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In Conclusion:

What does this say about me? That my lesson was to understand that love comes from within? That it exists and was always there?
But I grew up believing the opposite. Trust me, I wanted to.
But the people that should have introduced it to me, never had it for themselves, much less for their offspring.
Now that I have encountered it, I don’t want it. It requires too many emotions that are alienated to me. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t think I ever did. I get it, but I don’t see a point.

That is all.