Just Because

Just Because


Difficult
to walk alone the steps
you've taken together
for so long. Out of step
with your world, the balance
feels off. Tight rope
without that familiar bar
to keep you on track.

Frustrating
to throw a grappling hook--
when there's no one to catch it,
when you can find no purchase
to either
climb up
or pull back down.

Empty
to find a world
exists outside
the world you two created:
one full, replete,
and loved.

For a while
you may rail at fate--
flail away at how unfair it seems.
Is. Supposed to be together.
You never agreed to an end clause
because you both chose forever.

For a while
you may feel the urge
to break something
because through no fault of either,
your heart is broken
and you can't find
the glue to fix it.

For a while
time will stop. And start.
And stop again. Until
your engine catches.
It isn't a race. No one
to keep up with, no
finish line.And yet,
one day, you will feel as if
you have won some sort of battle.

Because.
Because you can and will
go on. One simply must.
For them. For us.
For the rest of those
who yet will not envision
a world without you.

Because
you are not truly alone.
He is there in every memory;
most of which has him smiling--
if not in that moment,
later, in shared reflection.

Because
he is forever inscribed
on the heart he so loved,
in each leaf of the tree
you both planted,
in each petal, each odd-sock found
and every single thing he touched.

So, you will
go on and create that new you.
A version of the old you, but one
forged in the after-him. Stronger
because you'll realize you
can still pull strength from him
just as you held the hand
of that child learning to walk.

You will
walk again, then
run and jump and fly.
Takes time and effort.
At times, just so much effort.
But you will because it is in you,
and you have never been
the sort who gives up.


You will
get through this. Whether
you climb over it, go around it,
shimmy under it, or smash through it.
On
is a step that is coming. You
will take each step as you are ready to.
It's all you can do. Thus far,
you have taken those steps with
such elegance.

And one day,
you will dance with joy again.
Circling 'round a full-leafed tree,
waltzing around all the nuances
you will discover about you
as you grow both from
what's behind and what will be
in front of you.