Letter to my Granny #3

Dear Granny,

Did I ever tell you about the time Ma and I were in Stone Mountain? We were walking outdoors and she saw a vacant office space. She looked over and asked how I would use the space. I stared up at the window of the vacant space and thought out a detailed answer. But when I looked over at her, I saw the face I couldn't trust, looking at me; waiting for an answer. I just blandly replied, “I don't know”.

What I wanted to say was “I’d open my own private detective business there. But in the 1960s.” And Granny, yes I know as a black woman in the 1960s, that would probably be very difficult, but a girl can dream, right? I’d live in LA like Easy Rawlins, and wear the fliest clothes that would absolutely make you proud. Shoes and jewelry too, just like you! I’d have all the records and go out and solve mysteries like Nancy Drew…just young, black, and flier!

But yea Ma…that was the day it really began to be over. We still aren't speaking. Don't think we will for quite a while. Someone has to set boundaries and enforce them! And she said she wouldn't change…wouldn't stop being so mean, so hurtful.

Some days, I think that she's my mom, I have to look past all of this and just love her in spite of. But most days I remind myself that I have to love myself first, in spite of. I wish I knew what you would do in this situation. Maybe she’d listen to you. But who knows, can you really stop a bipolar bull off of her meds in a china shop?

Never mind all of that, I’m playing Stan Getz’s Who Could Care as I write this. Ma said he was one of your favorites. I think if you were here we’d have a lot in common. Anyway, it's late and I think I’m done being random for the day. Ask God if He doesn't mind making my dreams come true real quick :)

Love you forevermore

A.C.