If I Cannot Have a Girlfriend No One Can

          I, Bandou Takuya, age 16, a freshman at the Jindai High School, someone who never had a girlfriend ever since he was born, was rejected by a girl five days ago. This makes it the 16th time in a row. You would think I'll get used to it by now, but how could I? Getting rejected is something no one will ever get used to.
   Honestly, I thought I at least had a chance this time. The girl I confessed to is a student from the famous Yuzuaki Girls High School, famous for its female student of wealthy background. Ordinarily, there's no chance of us ever bumping into each other, but bump into each other we did. Literally.
   It was another ordinary day after school. My two so-called friends have ditched me for their girlfriends for the hundredth time (and no, I don't think I was being hyperbolic about the number). Left with nothing to do, I was walking down the street while minding my own business. And then she came along from the opposite direction.
   The girls was wearing the uniform of Yuzuaki High, which consists of a yellow long-sleeved sweater, a white shirt, a red bow tie, a green skirt that reaches until her thighs, a pair of white over-the-knee socks, and a pair of black shoes. She was also holding a black hand-carried schoolbag. She took out her handkerchief from her pocket for reasons unknown. Before she could use it in a purpose only fathomable by her, a strong wind blew it away and drifted it in my direction.
   The handkerchief landed on my face. As a result of the temporary blindness, I couldn't see where I was going. In the next second, I headbutted something. And that something is the girl's head.
   I pick up the handkerchief from my face and is rewarded with the power of sight once again. And the girl I headbutted is on the ground, pressing her head with both her hands in pain.
   'Are you all right?' I bend down and ask her in concern.
   'Well, my head hurts a little. Otherwise, I'm fine.' she answered.
   I proceeded to help her up gently.
   'I'm sorry for the headbutt.' I quickly apologize.
   'No, there's no need for you to apologize. You couldn't see where you were going, and my handkerchief caused it. Which is why I should apologize instead. I'm sorry.'
   She said the last part with a very low bow. Yup, that's a highly educated rich lady for you. If she was a ruffian, I would have been extorted instead.
   'It's fine. Really. It was an accident.'
   'Even if it was, I can't just leave it at that. I have to apologize in some way or another.'
   'What? No! Honestly, it's fine.'
   Besides, I'm the one who should really apologize. I mean, I saw her underwear when the wind blew. I'll never forget the view for the rest of my life.
   'I insist. I know, how is your schedule this Sunday?' she asked me all of a sudden.
   'Huh? Um, it's free. Definitely.'
   It wasn't until some jerks had to go and get themselves girlfriends. Ever since they're single no longer, I dedicated each Sunday for my part-time work. But she didn't need to know that.
   'In that case, I would love to have an outing with you. Is it alright?'
   'Oh, sure. If that's what you want.'
   'Wonderful. We shall meet again this Sunday then.'
   We introduced ourselves next. Her name's Miyagawa Riko, also a freshman. We exchanged handphone numbers and agreed to meet up at the exact same spot this Sunday at nine in the morning.
   It was until I got back home at I realized that I was going to a date. Panic mode kicks in immediately. Prior to this incident, I've never been on a date. It was always a confession followed by an instant rejection. Things were looking very good this time. This was the reason I had such high hopes.
   There were three days until the date. I would have done anything so that Sunday would come immediately. I was so excited I actually went to a department store and bought some stylish looking clothes which costed me six months worth of salary from my part-time job. And they're actually stylish since I bothered to ask the opinion of the store clerk, something I rather die than do under normal circumstances.
   I didn't tell my friends about this date. I didn't have any reasons to. Sure, you would think that I could ask their opinion, but let me tell you that they'll do anything but that. Even before they found a girlfriend, they were always being condescending towards me who constantly got rejected. Their attitudes became even worse after they did. Well, I'll show them. I'll finally get myself a girlfriend and shove it to their face.
   Sunday finally arrived. I arrived at the meet-up spot thirty minutes earlier than the agreed time to be courteous. At nine o'clock sharp, Miyagawa-san arrived. Wow, she actually came. I was half-expecting her to play me for a fool.
I was expecting her to arrive in a limousine or something, being a rich lady and all, but she came here by foot. Thinking back, she was walking on foot when we met too.
   She apologized to me for being late, despite the fact that she was right on time. I waved off her apology. We then proceeded to begin our outing.
   I'm not going to bore you with the details, but let's just say that I had fun. I don't know about her but I definitely did. I mean, a date with a cute girl? It's literally ever guy's dream.
   At the end of the date, we were at a park. No one else was around, and the atmosphere was perfect for a confession. I mustered up my courage and did the act.
   'I like you. Please go out with me.' I requested while bowing down ninety-degrees.
   A few seconds passed quietly. And the dreadful answer came.
   'I'm sorry.'
   I slightly raised my head and found her bowing to me as well.
   'I don't have any romantic feelings towards you. As I said, this outing was an apology, nothing more. I'm sorry that I got your hopes up.'
   Yup. It happened again. Oh well. At least she was being polite about it. I still recall the 9th girl that rejected me. She's a popular girl at my school who talked to me for no apparent reason one day. Being the virgin that I am, I took it the wrong way and confessed to her. Boy was she brutal in her rejection.
   'Huh? You actually thought that I fancied you? Gross!' she said to me with a look of disgust. 'I talked to you one time and you started to fantasize all kinds of crap. This is why I can't stand losers like you.'
   Anyway, back to Miyagawa-san.
   'Oh, is that so?' I slowly straighten-up my back. 'Well, I'm sorry for confessing to you out of the blue. I hope you're not troubled by it.'
   'Not at all. I just hope that we can remain as friends.'
   'Of course.'
   I was about to offer her an escort to her house until I saw a car parked at some distance away. A middle-aged man was standing right next to it and looking over here. Her personal driver, I assume.
   Great. Someone saw me getting rejected. I just hope he won't squeal to his employer her parents, or I might have to face their wrath for having the nerve to confess to their daughter despite being a lowly peasant.
   Everything blurred by after that. Miyagawa-san went to the man, and I somehow got back to my rented apartment building without any recollection of walking back here. Whatever, I should go to sleep.
   And back to the present. I wake up with a clear memory of what happened that Sunday, which makes me depressed all over again. I let out a mournful sigh and get out from my bed. I better get ready for school before I'm late.
   On the way to school, I bumped into my friends Tabata Kazuki and Asai Masato.
   'Good morning, Takuya.' the glasses-wearing Kazuki greets me.
   'Morning.'
   Masato, on the other hand, grins at me.
   'You feel batter about getting rejected yet?'
   'Oh, shut up.' I mumble.
   'Come on, Takuya. You really got to pull yourself together. It's not like it's the first time this happened to you.' Kazuki joins in the diss.
   'You should have talked to us first. If you did, you might have left the path of a loner.' Masato continues.
   'Stop being optimistic, Masato. You know that won't happen.' Kazuki chides.
   'Whoops. My bad.'
   I glare at the two of them. 'Ha ha, very funny. Why the hell are the two of you still here, anyway? Don't you have your girlfriends to accompany?'
   'We do, but we figured that you need some company, what with you just experienced another heartbreak.'
   'Well you guys are being terrible at comforting me as usual. Now buzz off before I lose my temper.'
   They oblige obediently for once of the rarer times, and I'm left all alone. I have to enjoy my peace and tranquility until it lasts.
   I eventually reach school and the classroom that I'm in, the Class 1-1.
   'Morning, Bandou! You got over your rejection yet?'
   'Don't worry, Bandou-kun. There's always next time.'
   'No, he won't. This is like, what? His sixteenth time?'
   I stepped inside the classroom for like three seconds and all kinds of insincere comfort words start flying towards me. How do they know about the rejection as well, you ask? On the second day of my rejection, I tried to hide my gloomy mood and to go school like I always do. However, Masato and Kazuki could tell that something was wrong in an instant. They kept on pestering me until I told them what happened on Sunday. The two of them burst out laughing for quite some time. They also had no qualms about spreading the word to the entire class.
   I ignore the comments and head straight to my seat. As I put down my bad at the side of the table, I see Murata Sayuri, the vice president of the class and Kazuki's girlfriend, walking towards me.
   'Not one word, Murata.' I say to her in a harsher tone than I should.
   Murata backs away immediately, her expression hurt from my tone.
   'Is that a tone you should use on someone's girlfriend?' Kazuki the class president says to me coldly. 'It's not her fault that you got rejected for the dozenth times.'
   I give him a look that clearly says 'What are you going to do about it?' Just as the atmosphere is getting tense between us, Murata intervenes.
   'It's fine, Kazuki-kun. Let's just continue our day duty, okay?'
   '...Fine.'
   I look away as Kazuki continues to stare daggers at me while walking away. I'm not bothered at all. It's not like he ever won a fight against me during our ten-years-long friendship.
   Takeuchi Nao, a girl who's sitting right behind me and is also Masato's girlfriend, leans forward and pokes my back.
   'That was totally your fault, Bandou-kun. Remember to apologize to them when you have the chance, okay?'
   I ignore her and wait patiently for the teacher to arrive.
   'Don't bother, Nao. Takuya will stay like that until his mood gets better. It usually takes a few days.' Masato, who's sitting behind Takeuchi tells her.
   I ignore that too. No point pissing off another of my friend.
   Morning class starts and ends, and eventually lunchtime approaches. One thing I hate about this classroom is that literally every other students in it has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, no matter it's from same class, different class or different years. Even our class teacher Shimura-sensei is currently engaged to her boyfriend. I honestly don't know what happened. One day everyone just started having a relationship with someone else except for me. I've literally became the odd man out. And all of them enjoyed making fun of me for it.
   Usually, I eat lunch with Kazuki and Masato and their girlfriends like a fifth wheel, but not today since things became awkward between Kazuki and I. I eat the lunch I made myself while listening to some anime songs with my earbuds attached to my ears. I also set the volume to the max. I might become deaf, but I don't care. Better that than listening to the constant flirting of my classmates.
   School finally ends. I don't have to work today, so I plan to go home straight away. I didn't bother to apologize to Murata and Kazuki like Takeuchi advised me to. At this point, I don't really care if our friendship's ruined, if you can even call it that.
   I always pass by a shrine on my way home. Today is no exception. What differentiates today from the other ordinary days is that I hear a weird voice when I pass by.
   'Shall I grant you a wish, my child?' the voice whispers.
   I thought I was hearing things, so I was planning to keep on walking. Until the voice becomes slightly louder.
   'Come inside the shrine, and I shall grant you any wish.'
   Ah, what the heck. Might as well or the voice might never shut up. I oblige and head inside while passing through a torri gate.
   This shrine is a fairly ancient one called the Koikana Shrine. At least, I think it's ancient, since it looks quite old and shabby. Supposedly, one comes here to get blessed with fortunes regarding love. I say supposedly since I come here to pray every single year and got zero returns.
   I go to the middle of the shrine where they have the usual large grilled wooden donation box and some bells attached to some thick ropes. I pause for a while to fish out a hundred yen coin. I place it on my left palm as I start to think of a wish. It didn't take me long, though.
   I flip the coin into the donation box. I then whisper, 'I wish that all human couples break up until I find myself a girlfriend.'
   Sure, I could wish myself a girlfriend, but for once I'm way past that kind of optimism. I'm sick and tired of seeing happy couples. I just want to ruin the happiness of others even if not having some of my own. Besides, this is just make-believe anyway. No way my wish would get granted.
   Nothing special happens despite what the voice assured. No flashy lights. No fireworks. No bell sounds. Just the same as usual. Well, not that I was expecting anything. I turn around and leave the shrine. I was never expecting the surprise when I got to school the next day.
   I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped inside the classroom like I always do. Let me give you a metaphor. If the atmosphere between Kazuki and i the day before was like the temperature of a freezer, the atmosphere in the classroom right now is the entire Antarctica.
   I look around. The entire classrooms of students are split into few groups which consist of boys-only and girls-only. Some groups are glaring at each other in a hostile manner. On a closer look, I find that the members of the groups that are glaring each other were flirting with each other just days ago.
   I walk to the group where Kazuki and Masato is.
   'Hey guys. What's with the glaring contest?' I ask them.
   Kazuki was so busy glaring at Murata that he forgot that he's still being cross with me.
   'All of us broke up with our significant half yesterday.' he replies.
   I blink in surprise.
   'All of you? As in...' I look at everyone in the classroom.
   'Yes, everyone. It doesn't include you, of course, but you know what I mean.'
   I want him to elaborate more, but the bell that signifies the beginning of the lecture of the day rings, so all of us have to return to our seat.
   Shimada-sensei, who always looked happy and had a new habit of showing off her new engagement ring to us every time right before she begins the lecture, comes in sobbing and looking like a wreck. I also notice that the ring on her finger is gone. I thought it went missing or something, but she announced a news much worse than that.
   While crying uncontrollably, she tells us that her engagement with her fianchas been canceled. That's the only coherent thing I could hear from her since she starts to cry up a storm. Also, I'm too busy with my own thoughts.
   So my wish was actually granted? How else could you explain the simultaneous break-up? Drat. If I knew earlier I would have wished for world dominance. Oh well. This is good enough, I guess.
   Poor Shimada-sensei was so broken she just left the classroom while giving some random excuses. We spent our first few hours of the day with some self-study.
   Lunchtime soon approaches. Since Kazuki and Masato are single once again, we have lunch with each other at the school's courtyard after a long, long time. I'm still curious of how the breakup happened, so I ask them about it.
   'Sayuri and I had a huge fight last night.' Kazuki answers first. 'A really huge one. I don't really remember what, but we broke up because of it. You can't know how awkward it was.'
   'Oh yeah, you guys are neighbours.' I remember.
   See how lucky this glasses is? He has a freaking childhood friend, which is the golden ticket in entering a relationship.
   'So, do you hate her now?' I continue to ask.
   'Not really.' he answers without hesitating. 'I still have feelings for her, and probably her me, but I don't think we're getting back anytime soon.'
   I look at Masato. 'And you?'
   He grits his teeth in anger while continuing to play with his phone. His lunch is untouched even though there's only ten minutes left for lunchtime.
   'We had a heated discussion about our favourite 2D waifus. And she claimed that my beloved Kanon is inferior to her waifu. Can you imagine that? I love her and all, but no one, not even her, gets to talk shit about my dear Kanon.'
   As you might have guessed already, Masato is an otaku just like I am. Unlike me, he's a good-looking otaku, so girls were never disgusted by his hobby. To make things even more unfair, his girlfriend is Takeuchi, a fellow otaku. On a side note, the Kanon he mentioned is a character from his favourite mobile gacha game.
   I eat my lunch quietly after that while the two of them complain to each other about their exes. It was getting kind of annoying. My salvation finally came when the bell rings.
   After school's over, the two of them ask me to hang out with them. As much as I want to, I have work today, so I had to decline.
   The place I work at is called Yamamoto Canteen. It's being managed by a pair of middle-aged married couple. There's also some full-time and part-time workers working here.
   'Good evening, Uekawa-san.' I greet the male owner after I enter the shop.
   'Oh, good evening, Bandou-kun.' he greets back. 'I hope you'll work hard again today.'
   'You can count on me.'
   I'm supposed to be on kitchen duty tonight, which is why I went inside the kitchen to help the owner's wife Miyako-san. After the preparation at the front is ready, Uekawa-san comes inside to help us.
   From the way they talk to each other, I could tell that the two of them are not affected by the wish. In other words, the wish won't work on married couples. I'm kind of glad for that since these two has been exceptionally nice to me. Therefore, I don't really want to see their relationship gets ruined by a childish wish.
   In time, the restaurant opens for business, and customers start to come in. I could work really fast if I want to, so the high turnover isn't a problem at all. When it becomes late and the flow starts to die down, Uekawa-san comes in with a note.
   He hands the note to me. 'This is for you, Bandou-kun.'
   'For me? Who's it from?'
   'A female customer around your age. She told me to hand it over to you once she has left.'
   I don't know what's up with that, but I take it and read it. It says, 'Dear Bandou Takuya-kun, I would like to tell you something. Please come to the park after your shift is over. I'll be waiting for you under the oak tree.'
   It's not even signed, so I have no clue regarding the sender. Oh well. I'll find out about her soon enough.
   The moment my shift is over, I head for the oak tree she mentioned. There are hundreds of them inside the park, but I know the one she's talking about is the one at the middle of the park. It's huge and looks at least hundreds if not thousands of years-old.
   The park doesn't have a lot of streetlights to illuminate it when it gets dark, so I have to rely on the torchlight on my phone. It didn't take me long to reach the oak tree. When I eventually did, a girl is standing under it.
   She's wearing the same uniform that Jindai students wear, just like mine, only that she's wearing the girl's version: a white long-sleeved shirt under dark-blue long sleeved jacket, short dark-blue skirt, a pair of brown pantyhose, and a pair of dark-blue shoes.
   'Are you the one who called me here?' I ask her.
   She looks at me shyly, and slowly nods.
   'I'm really sorry if I inconvenienced you in some way.' she says to me in a timid voice.
   'It's fine. It's not like I have anything better to do. More importantly, what's the thing you wanted to talk to me about?'
   She lowers her head and starts fidgeting.
   'M-My name is Nagano Ai. I just want to tell you that I've liked you for a long time, so I would love it very much if you would do the honors of going out with me.'
   A pause.
   'Nope. No can do.' I answer bluntly.
   She looks up at me in shock.
   'B-B-But why?'
   'Nagano-san, was it? Nice try but I'm not that stupid. The thing is, I saw you working at Koikana Shrine before. You somehow found out about the wish I made and wants to put up an act so that my wish will be nullified, aren't you?'
   Her eyes and expression change from timid to ferocious in an instant. It's like seeing a bewitching lamia showing her true form to the male she managed to entrap.
  'So you knew about me. I should have listened to the others and asked the help of a random stranger instead.' she says with a face full of regret.
   'You should have.' I agree with her. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to school tomorrow.'
   'Wait! If you don't agree to my confession, I'll call the police and tell them that you harassed me!' she threatens. 'I'll make sure your life is ruined forever!'
   I shrug without having a single care in the world. 'Go ahead.'
   She widens her eyes in surprise. She takes out her phone from her pocket.
   'I'll really do it, you know! Don't think I'm joking!'
   I point at my phone with my free hand. 'See this? It's been recording everything ever since I arrived at the park. Of course, our conversation was recorded too.'
   I immediately step back as she attempts to grab my phone.
   'Give it here!'
   'No.'
   'Say yes to my confession!'
   'Double no. And I'll sue you for assault if you don't knock it off. Unlike you, I have evidence.'
   She stops immediately after hearing my threat. Satisfied, I slowly back away while continuing to point my phone at her.
   'Now then, it's not really been nice to meet you, Nagano-san, but nonetheless I wish you a good night.'
   'I'll make you my boyfriend even if it's the last thing I do, you hear me?' she shrieks.
   'Good luck with that. You'll need it.' I tell her insincerely.