yours lovingly -jonquil

Dear Gentiana

I know. I know my letter can't reach you albeit every word in my letter address you. It's hard for me to wipe you from me cause you are injected in every vein of mine. Your memories make me to regret that I lost not just you but also myself. The day I saw you , I imagined my every moment of life with you. I marked the date the very moment I met you. I don't realize how much you changed me. You are the one who taught me how to share. You are the one who taught me how to love and trust others. To my surprise the love you taught me is like a parasite after I lost you, it is eating me. I can neither share nor control my overwhelming love after I lost you. It hard for me to convince myself that you who gave me the best memories will just be a memory . when I saw you that night I can find your smiling eyes nowhere. Your loving smile faded. your endearing voice was like gagged because I can hear nowhere . I felt like you are just sleeping. But you are not moving, you are not pretending to be asleep . I feel myself like an empty box ,like no soul in my life. Days passed. Months passed . Years passed .Still I don't want to draw a line under you.Still a life without you is like hell. Sometimes I feel I want to reach you at any cost , but I promised you that I will not hurt myself. The reason I am still alive is I gave a word to you that not to leave my life. Albeit it is hard for me to keep my promise but I am trying not to break it. The reason I write a letter every day is just to remind myself that I want to be alive to stand on my word.

yours lovingly
jonquil