You Again

I remember the precise moment I stood there in your beanie and gloves. Cold but exhilarated, I was surrounded by the dry, eucalyptus trees, feverishly thinking that this was the happiest I had ever been. I remember how I tilted my head to the heavens, smiling as I breathed in the crisp, country air. Perhaps we knew, even then, that once we got back into the car and the rolling hills faded into a city skyline, so too would we fade. Our intertwined paths, abandoned, much like our itinerary, lying forgotten between the seats in your car. You showed me how to live. Though the moment was as brief as a flash of lightning, it found its way deep inside the far corners and crevices of my very soul where no one had ever ventured before. On darker days, when the sun struggles to shine through the city smog and the songs of birds fall on deaf ears, I slip into that small, whirling abyss you left in my heart and I relive you again. In my mind, the memories dance in harmony with the mournful keening in my heart. A beautiful song filled with longing and despair as snippets of your smile, our whispered conversations, and our shared experiences flash before my eyes. Yet, I smile. I smile even as the abyss grows ever darker and wider. I smile even as the pain coerces pools of tears to gather along the rims of my eyes. I smile because I know how fortunate I am to have had a love so deep and so pure in a world so poisoned by deceit and triviality. I cherish every sight, every smell, and every feeling I can remember. Reliving you again reminds me of a special kind of happiness that has gradually faded into myth with time. However – even as time passes - I will continue to hold on to my mythical happiness if it means being close to you again.