Mom

I hated you,

I hated you for making me believe that being myself is “wrong”.
I hated you for making me suppress and cause a life filled with hatred.

I love you,

I love you for always looking out for me and supporting my decisions back in school.
I love you for trying your best to cheer me up, even when I didn’t know why I was crying.

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry for yelling at you all those times, when you just wanted to protect me.
I’m sorry for being the different one of the family.

Forgive me,

Forgive me for not noticing how tough it was for you at times.
Forgive me ... for what I’m about to tell you.

I know now...

Mom, I’m not your daughter. I am your son. I know this is a tough life to live, but mom... I did not chose it... so please... understand that I need you on my side in this journey.

I forgive you,

I forgive you for the hatred you taught me.
I forgive you for the things you’re about to say.

I understand,

I understand that this is hard on you as well.
I understand that I simply have to be patient, explain everything... over and over and over.

Thank you,

Thank you for caring so much.
Thank you for showing me how to be strong.
Thank you for trying to protect me from harm.

I hope,

I hope you will soon understand too.
I hope you will realise that this is not a “phase”.
I hope you will see that I’m still me.
I hope... that you will one day... be able to accept me.

And even if you don’t...

I accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself
And most importantly...
I AM ME.

With love,
Your loving son.