Something's Fishy

Jaden Walsh, the Navy’s top intelligence officer, talks to his eight-year-old son after completing an unpleasant chore.
“Let's start with the basics, Johnny. No matter how I spin the facts, your situation is indefensible.”

“So, what can we do, daddy?”

“Johnny, a cover-up is your only hope for escaping your mother’s wrath. Do you know about cover-ups?”

“Yes… Mommy explained cover-ups while you served in Iraq.”

“Did she explain the role secrecy plays in cover-ups?”

“Yeah… She said, ‘Absolute and continued secrecy is vital.’”

“So, in this situation, what's that mean?”

“It means I can never tell mom what happened to Mister Fish or what we did with his body.”

“No, John… You can't tell anyone. Can you do that?”

“Sure! I’ve kept mom’s secrets for years,” John answers while considering his predicament. “But she’s gonna notice he’s missing. How will we explain his disappearance? He was here when she left; now he’s gone; and we’re the only ones here.”

“Yeah... Mom will see he’s gone; but, if you don’t confess, I’ll tell her aliens abducted Mister Fish. Hell, there’s no proof he ever existed; one flush took care of that.”

“That’s true, sir?”

“Well, did you learn anything from this experience, son?”

“Yes, sir! Never use bleach to clean the goldfish bowl!”

“That's right, Johnny.”

“So… Do you think mom’s gonna believe aliens abducted her prized goldfish?”

“Nope!” Walsh teases. “But I’ve got a guaranteed solution to your problem.”

“Well, tell me! I’ll do anything.”

“Okay, Johnny… Tell me everything you know about mommy and the milkman.”

“You mean Uncle George?” Johnny asks.

“Yes… Tell daddy everything about mommy and Uncle George; after that, mommy won’t care about Mister Fish.”

“Why not, daddy?”

“Well, son… Let’s just say mommy’s secret is much worse than a dead fish.”