He loves me, He loves me not.

He loves me
He loves me not
That's a game I always play with myself.
I always wonder if you really love me
If when you tell me how you can't live without me
you really mean it
The thought of you loving me makes my heart feel so whole.
I've spent 8 years loving you, feeling nothing but emptiness when i didn't have you.
I don't know if it was because you were my first everything.
You were my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, my first real love.
I gave you every single part of me from the age of 14 and I can't imagine loving someone else that way.
I don't know what I'd do if it ever came down to you not loving me.
I can't imagine my life without you again. It's such a lonely place.
Sometimes I get scared that we won't last, that somehow you'll wake up one day and just realize that I'm not the one you want to be with.
I get so scared that I can't give you what you truly deserve.
But sometimes I get scared that maybe you can't give me what I deserve.
Besides the obvious attraction, the physical aspect, what more do we have?
The history that we have, as messy as it may be, sometimes doesn't feel like it'll ever be enough.
Do you truly love me? For me, in all of my flaws and mistakes?
Or do you just love me because you don't want to be alone and I'm the only person who allows you to come back, no matter what.
What is it about you that keeps me coming back and allowing myself to be in this up and down roller coaster?
Is it love? Do I even know what love is? I don't know.
I know that we have amazing sex.
I know that when you kiss me I feel like I'm floating on a cloud in the most euphoric place you can imagine
I know that when you touch me it's electric. I feel it in my bones. I feel you in my veins.
I know that when you hold me in your arms I feel like I'm home. Like I'm safe and nothing can ever hurt me.
I wonder if you feel the same.
I wonder if you think about me this way...
Who knows.