Beyond The Limit

"How long it has been like that?"
"I don't want to forget or I don't know how to forget?"
Honestly speaking I don't know. May be my memory road is narrow or may be it always the same that's why I can't differentiate between them. These two questions are hunting me down for last three and half year may be more.
Every day I go to bed at 12.30 am after that its 2.30 am then its 5.30 am then everything is blurry, I don't know if I fall asleep or my body is tired because my mind is still awake.
"When did it start?"
There is always this emptiness inside me. I always craving for something may be care may be acknowledgement exactly what is it. At last when I realized, I wish that it's better to stay confused. I always craved for love. it's kind of cheeky and old fashioned but it is true.
"Why I craved for love?"
It's been such a long time I don't know when did it started but for sure when I was little bout may be 5 years that's when it's started. As far as I remember I always wanted love still now may be for my unpleasant childhood. Sometimes I like at the same time I hate this about me that I understand thing little earlier than others who are at my aged.
"How come I end up here? Why I chose this life?"
I didn't choose this life actually I don't have any choices.
I hate this about me; for this type of questions there is always an answer. People are busy to find the answer at least their mind speaks to them. My mind is as cold as I am. After giving the answer, it stops no sound again my empty world filled with emptiness.
"I love him because I wanted to love him. I follow him because I wanted to follow him. I wait for him because I wanted to wait for him." There is no space for him from the very beginning it always about me. "How can I blame him?" in the contrary I also can't blame me "how can I control that whom, when and how I fall in love with someone? My loves become burden for him also for me.

Suddenly last couple of days I realized something that I wish I would not along with that I love him more than I imagine.

(To be continued)