Helping Hands

HELPING HANDS

why woman don't support each other?

What keeps women from supporting each other?

Today we see woman distant themselves from one another like the plaque. Why is this occurring? Is it rules of survival? Are women incapable of having a healthy relationship with another woman? No, none of this true. I am a woman and I a have observed and even studied the relationships amongst woman. I have observed that many women are alike in different ways, we tend to judge other women for their flaws without taking account of our own. There are a vast number of women from different backgrounds, ethnic groups and cultures that are programmed to believe that other women are naturally their enemy. This is a cognitive nightmare that spreads not only to other women but to other relationships involving the opposite sex.

What is up with your mind? As people, we have parents, friends and teachers throughout our lives that consciously and subconsciously condition our thinking. When we look at sports, we see the coach instill team effort. Team consists of members working towards a common goal, you are only as strong as your fellow teammate. Outside of sports not many women think this way. A lot of women refuse to work with a team of women out of fear. Fear of judgment, fear of self, fear of commitment, fear, fear and more fear. The next issue is competition, we naturally as human beings look at the skill set of others and then measure ourselves by it. We psychologically psyche ourselves out to believe this person is better or worst than me. We mentally put a block towards a woman that is attractive or highly intelligent. Why, because subconsciously we have been conditioned ourselves to do so. This does not stop with other females; it creeps into our subconscious and begins to slowly tear us apart from ourselves.

What is up with all the hate, sis? Jealousy, envy, fear and lack of trust are all self-esteem kryptonite. As women we must wave the white flag when it comes to other women. We are all going through something and we are more alike than different. What I have noticed that women do to tear down and destroy other women is to gossip. We all gossip; however, it can go too far into the realm of defamation of character and slander. Women love to talk and share, but some woman are only listening to hear something important that they can use against other women later. This is more of a character flaw or personality flaw. Men are guilty of this too; they slander woman time and time again when angry or feeling slighted. Some men are willing to date or sleep with his targets friends just to get the dirt on that targeted woman. People, this behavior must stop! First, not every woman is your enemy and you are only jealous of yourself. The other woman is not the issue, you are. As women, if we reflect in life and think about the first time, we felt betrayed or hurt by another woman, we will find that it is old baggage we have been hauling around. Every other woman or man that has crossed your path has become a target, because subconsciously you do not want to feel the way you did back in 6^th grade. In order to connect with other women we must be honest with ourselves, as to who we are. Good or bad, we must start with self, our insecurities, our self-doubts and commitment issues.

How do we heal our minds?

• First, we need to be committed spiritually to God. Whomever you serve and love that is positive for your spirit you must commit. We can not as spiritual beings have successful and positive relationships without having a healthy spiritual practice.

• Second, we must learn to reflect on our past relationships and admit our wrongs. We as people can compartmentalize our B.S. and judge others for the same B.S.! No we must be honest and make peace from past mistakes and admit our faults and strive not to repeat them.

• Third, loving yourself is extremely important. Many women do not reveal their true selves until they get into a friendship or marriage. This is not healthy for you or them and will end badly creating more emotional scars.

• Fourth, spending time alone with yourself doing what you enjoy the most. We do not spend time doing hobbies anymore. Everything around us keeps us enthralled to the point that we can not slow down. Slowing down is great for the brain and your emotional health which boosts your physical health.

• Fifth, learn to say no and be firm. We want to be good people and say yes to everything. We make ourselves do things that we hate so that others will view us as "good people". This is a trap and the end; you will be portrayed as self-centered and attention seeking. Set healthy boundaries and if you truly do not want to do something, then do not do it.

• Sixth, connect with women who are from different backgrounds, ethnic groups and cultures to broaden your awareness. When we stick with what we know we never grow. Spiritually we are here to experience and to grow.

• Seven, connect with people on a deeper level. Women when we meet each other it is okay to compliment another woman on her looks, accomplishments, etc. Learn to see apart of yourself in every woman that you meet, even if you feel she is more accomplished or less than. Some part of her is you or was you, take that and grow from it. You will find relationships are easier with women when we truly listen and connect on deeper levels.

• Eighth, learn to forgive yourself daily. In forgiving yourself, you can easily forgive others. We tend to hold onto things big or small; however, we hate it when it is done to us.

• Ninth, do unto others as you would have done to you. People we are not animals, but most animals can be trained to be mindful. (except cats) As people we forget to think about what we would do in a similar situation that is positive. We all have that girlfriend that needs a little extra help. We also have the momma archetype in every group of friends. Some woman happily takes on these roles because something is missing inside of them and they fulfill it by taking on these archetypes. The momma of the group wants someone to look after her occasionally. The needy friend wants to be more responsible and be able to lead occasionally.

• Finally we have ten, live today because tomorrow is not guaranteed. We all put off calling mom or our old high school friend because we are just too busy. This needs to change, these people remember the free spirit we used to be before kids, careers, marriage, etc. These people can help you find that inner person you have been searching for. Sometimes a 30 min phone call with a childhood friends can be the best therapy that anyone can get. Family is the next acupuncture point I want to touch on. Family knows you better than anyone. Call old family members that you lost touch with and take a stroll down memory lane. This is not a time to air old grievances but to see yourself from some else's perspective. Our families can make a mess of us, but sometimes we need that mess in order to heal or understand why we are so messy. Your siblings can tell you things about yourself that you may have forgotten or need to hear. Have a few cocktails and just talk, laugh, cry, whatever it takes to reconnect to the woman you used to be and strive to be today.

In closing, each of these steps comes from personal and the observational. I have never stopped growing and growth does not have to be hard or complicated. When I think back to old friendships, they were telling me all of this, but I was not listening at the time. Life can knock you down, just to help you get up stronger and better. During this Covid-19 epidemic mental health is extremely important more now than ever before. I wish love and laughter and great health all around.