Grandpa Grimoire's Book of Black Arts

Grampa Grimoire's Book of Black Arts

(A "How To" Book for Exceptionally Evil Children)

by

Stephen W. Price

Hey, kids! You can make your own hydrogen bomb!!

Have you ever wanted your very own hydrogen bomb? Sure you have! After all, you've seen those really cool videos: a flash of light brighter than the noonday sun, big mushroom cloud billowing skyward, and a boom that announces to the world that you really mean business. And even better, since this project is based on simple chemistry, there is none of that messy radiation, no electromagnetic pulse wave to contend with, and no explaining to nosy neighbors why their dog now has six legs and glows in the dark. And...it is soooo simple. All you need are a few supplies you probably can find around the house right now, or that you can pick up with a quick trip to the local grocery or hobby store.

But wait, I know what you're thinking! You're thinking, "Grandpa Grimoire, how the heck am I gonna deliver this blockbuster without blowing off my own fool head? After all, I don't have an intercontinental ballistic missile! I can't get my hands on a B-52 Stratofortress bomber!" Well, little evil-doers out there, never fear. The beauty of this handy dandy noisemaker is--it delivers itself! That's right--when this bomb is ready to do its thing just let it go and it will sail up, up and away, silent and stealthy, drifting overhead until--BOOMMMM!!--terror rains down over the heads of your enemies!

"And just who might they be?", you're probably asking at this point. Well, all you precious little dabblers in the black arts, just think about it. Maybe that smarty pants Billy Bugoski. Didn't he make fun of the streamers on your bike last week? Or how about Wendy Finklestein, who gave you such a snarky look when she caught you giggling when she blew the answer to a question during math class? And what about Mrs. O'Connor, always handing out those last minute thousand word essay assignments. Boy, she deserves a little excitement in her life, that's for sure!

Well, then--what do you say? Let's get started! Just follow the simple instructions below, and pretty soon you'll be dancing and clapping and shouting, "That will show you, you geeky little turkey-necked snots!" with each and every blast that rolls across your neighborhood.

Materials:

Here is a list of stuff your going to need:

1. Sodium hydroxide. "Whoa", you say. "I thought you said this stuff was going to be easy to get." Well, sure, reagent grade sodium hydroxide obtained through a chemical supply house can be a challenge, what with the 55 gallon drum minimum orders and paperwork up the yingyang for interstate transportation, but you can get a great substitute right at your nearest grocers--a can of ordinary Drano! That's right, the stuff your mom puts down the sink drain to clear out goopy, greasy, hairy gunk munging up the trap. (Come to think of it, all that is probably stuff from off your older sister's head!--Yuck!) Anyway, one 16 ounce can will be enough to get you started.

2. Aluminum. Plain old aluminum foil will work, but I would recommend something a little more substantial. Old TV dinner trays work great, but hey, you might as well go for the gold. Now's the time to dig out all those smashed up beer cans your dad has "saved" under the bar in his man cave--he'll never miss them, and you won't have to put up with those stupid pot pies with only one chunk of chicken but a million or so peas in them.

3. Water. Oh, come on! I don't need to tell you where to get this, do I? You'll only need a quart or so.

4. A big jug. Gallon size. Something made of heavy plastic is great, like one of those massive detergent jugs your mom gets at Costco. Glass bottles are kind of "iffy", unless you got a big Pyrex flask. This chemical reaction is exothermic, meaning it generates a fair amount of heat, and the last thing you need is a glass jug blowing apart, spewing thousands of shards in all directions. Take it from me, losing an eye is a total bummer, besides playing hell with your depth perception (and, by the way, nixing your chances of joining the CIA any time in the future. Best to keep your options open, I always say.) Speaking of big jugs--Naw, on second thought, I'll save that for the glass harp project in chapter 5.

5. Balloons. Big ones are best, not those punky little things that clowns use to make inflated animals. I've used condoms before, which adds a certain allure to the project, but don't tend to be as big as you would like--especially the ones you might cop out of dad's nightstand! Another possibility is substituting a big plastic bag, like one of those used to line a garbage can. Remember though, we all need to be socially responsible, so get the compostible kind if you can.

6. Fuse. Now, I used to have to go through all kinds of conniptions as a kid getting chemicals like potassium chlorate or potassium nitrate so I could make my own. Silly Grampa Grimoire! These days, 20 or 30 feet of fuse of the type used for model rockets, quality controlled so it burns about 30 seconds per foot, can be had at a hobby store or off of Amazon for pretty cheap.

7. String. Every lighter-than-air balloon needs a string. Couple of feet, at the most.

8. Matches, lighter, flint and steel. You're a kid and you're reading this book, so I know you already got these!

9. Cellophane tape.

Process:

2. Cut up aluminum into strips about 1/2" wide (so they can fit through the opening of the jug). Four or five dinner trays, or about 10 cans should be sufficient to make enough hydrogen for a couple of good sized balloons or a big plastic bag full. Put the aluminum into the jug.

3. Dump 4 ounces of the household lye or Drano into the jug.

4. Pour about one quart of water into the jug.

5. Swirl the jug a few times to mix everything up. Be careful, though--the reaction will start pretty quickly, and the contents will start to heat up, and start belching out hydrogen gas.

6. Quickly stretch balloon over the mouth of the jug. You might have to hold the balloon on the jug with your fingers to keep the balloon from popping off the top as the pressure builds up.

7. When the balloon is sufficiently filled, pinch the neck of the balloon. This should cause the balloon to pop off the jug. Tie the string tightly around the neck of the balloon to trap the hydrogen gas securely inside. If you are going to release the balloon, use just enough string to seal the balloon to minimize weight. There will likely be a little moisture inside the balloon from steam generated by the heat of the reaction, but this should not interfere with functionality.

8. If all has gone as planned, the balloon (or plastic bag, as the case may be) will be lighter than air, so don't let go of the string just yet.

9. Tape a 1-2 foot length of fuse on the side of the balloon. When the fuse burns down to where it contacts the balloon, the hydrogen will ignite and burn explosively.

10. Light the end of the fuse and release the balloon.

11. Assuming you have a long enough fuse, it should take about 30-60 seconds before the balloon explodes--time enough to zip inside, plop down in front of the TV, and casually say "What was that!" when the explosion occurs.

The Science:

When all the ingredients are together in the jug, the aluminum and sodium hydroxide solution react, producing sodium aluminate, and liberating hydrogen, which is given off as a gas, according to the following formula:

2Al+ 2NaOH + 6H2O ? 2NaAl(OH)₄ + 3H₂

The weight of air at sea level averages about 30 grams per cubic foot, and the weight of hydrogen is about 2 grams per cubic foot. A plastic bag containing two cubic feet of hydrogen, therefore, should be able to lift a payload of almost two ounces.

Remember: Be Safe But Have Fun!

Extra Credit Problem:

Your little brother, Joey, weighs 47 pounds. Calculate how many cubic feet of hydrogen you would need to get him off the ground. Figure a total payload weight of 50 pounds with 3 pound allowance for a nice, warm jacket.