Much Too Big

B.The Pool of Tears

1. "Much Too Big" – Alas your newest dish has just made you ‘too big’ - quick! List ten things you would be able to do while in this state and why you would do them.

Much Too Big

It’s a good point; while I am big, I might as well get a few things done. And the first thing that comes to mind is to clean out the gutters. I doubt that’s been done in many a long year and they tell me blocked gutters can make a house ill.

Secondly, there are the upstairs windows to clean on the outside. The house is so slab-sided that no one has dared the task to my knowledge. It should be ripe for attention.

Checking the roof for loose tiles can be my third suggestion. I know these are all in the nature of chores but be patient. Fun will ensue, I assure you.

Let’s take a walk down the street. Now there’s no need to climb a tree - I can see over most of them. As my fourth, I could let the trees climb me for a change.

Coming to the centre of town, I can play a game in the crowds. My fifth can be counting those who are going bald on top. Are comb-overs included? Well yes, I think they must be.

For number six, I could continue down to the yacht club and wade amongst the boats. It would be like playing in the bath but no splashing allowed or I’ll swamp the toys.

If I get any bigger, I might need a rest. So my seventh choice could be to lie down with my head in Danvers and feet in Beverly. What’s that you say? That’s not very constructive? But you can’t argue that it could be done and everyone needs a rest now and then. This can be “then” and “now” can wait until later.

And so to number eight. Better start heading for home as I don’t want a long walk if I suddenly start shrinking. I have no idea how long this effect will last, after all.

Arriving back at the house, I remember that today is trash day. My ninth becomes picking up the bins between thumb and forefinger and placing them in the street. Might as well get as many of these tasks done while they’re as easy as this.

Which leaves me with number ten. And that has to be to find a way to get back to normal size again. Let’s see now - what did Alice do?


It seems odd not to put a word count down here. There is none specified but habit is a hard taskmaster. Just to ease my instincts, I can whisper here that the total is 389.