Dear Sir and Madam.

Dear Sir and Madam,

I have been in your employ for three years now. For the most part, I have been a good and loyal worker. I have toasted your bread evenly without burnt corners or toasting levels on the two sides being mismatched. The problem dear sir and madam is that the feline you have recently admitted to our premises has been making unwanted sexual advances. I will not file a sexual harassment suit I have decided to put in my notice. If he pees on me again I am afraid I will not be able to remain in your employ for the traditional thirty days.

I apologize I realize that this leaves you in the lurch with regards to your breakfasts, but my position is untenable. I do not share the gentlemen's interest and am quite offended by his method of showing his affection. At this point, even the sound of his purrs sets my slots to popping up early and I no longer feel appropriately competent to provide service. I will not be requiring a severance package I just want to be free of this situation.

With warmest regards,

Toasty.