My Darkest Secret

Time is lost. I'm not sure if there is anything I will be able to do about that either. I guess we will find out. In all the time we were friends, I never thought of losing you. However, I was wrong. You are gone, gone for good. I wonder if there was anything I could do. Our friendship started when we were young, naive, and stupid. I know it started slow, and I never thought our friendship would blossom to where it was. In about the middle of 7th grade, our friendship almost got torn in half. I couldn't deal with keeping secrets from me. In the middle of the summer, we gained friendship again. It was so much fun, so much adrenaline. We snuck out, drove cars, just did so many things that no one else would have ever done. I grew up that summer, became more of an adult. I looked up to you, but that wasn't smart. I knew I shouldn't have gotten attached, but I did. It started when we crashed your mother's car. I should have seen that as a sign, a sign to back away a little bit. I didn't, and that was my mistake. At the beginning of 8th grade is when things got insanely out of hand. September 22nd, 2018. The day where everything awful started. That day we left school. It was 5th period during math, with our most hated teacher. Mrs. Dawson. You know, some days I think back to that day. What was going through our still naive minds? That was the first time I had ever done anything like that. My parents were scared, and so was I. I thought I would never be able to see you again, I begged every day.

On October 20th, 2018, 4 weeks after we skipped school, we got to hang out again. It was a Saturday, so we were able to have a sleepover. I can remember we were both exhilarated, but still making bad desitions. The second we got to your house we decided to leave. To make the story quicker, we then got arrested. The worst thing that has ever happened to me. Everyone was so angry at that point. I was such a disappointment. The rest of the school year was hell. I never got to hang out with you out of school from that point. I believe that is where your life began to go downhill, and now all I wish is that I was there for you. I tried to call you, text you, do whatever I could to make sure you were okay. You didn't talk to me anymore about anything though, neither of us did. I have never found another person to talk to like I could with you. It's very hard. In the summer, I had no way to contact you because of my rebelling against my parents. Then 9th grade started. Things were amazing for the first few months. My mother was about to let us hang out again after a year, but you didn't believe me. You didn't trust me, and that hurt. You always said that we shouldn't be friends anymore, and there was no point in waiting any longer. That got to my head eventually. I fought for you, but it seemed you weren't doing the same. Then your wish became true. We weren't friends anymore. I could tell you were struggling with grief from our old and lost friendship. However, I stood my ground. I didn't believe your lies. Now I see things differently. It was just a day like any other, and I found out the worst news. You took your life. You were gone, and it was all my fault. I broke down. I know there were other struggles in your life having to do with your parents.

I still blamed everything on myself, because even you said that I kept you sain. I left you all alone. With nothing, no one to go to, no one to help you. I wish I had a chance to tell you this earlier, but I'm too late. So here I am, writing to you even though you will never see it. I miss you, Presley, you meant so much to me. I'm sorry I made you make the worst decision ever. Everyone misses you. I'm still grieving. I know I've only told the bad things that happened in our relationship, but there were still so many great memories. I appreciate you and everything you did.

I love you so much.