Waiting

The vision of the hand against the khaki slowly faded into darkness and silence, leaving the young man to his rest. All too soon, the rooster and other birds living in his cell phone announced the morning’s arrival and the time to rise to meet the new day’s challenges. Somewhat irritably, he got up and pacified the avian cacophony and curled up in bed again, moaning inwardly about how tired he was. Of course he knew he should have gotten to bed earlier last night—11:30 PM was much too late to have stayed up for a 5:30 AM wakeup. However, he’d been having an important conversation with Amber, clarifying life goals and where things would go with them.

By the end of last night's conversation, they'd decided that life would be best spent separately for now. Life was rather stressful for her because of finishing college and processing things from her previous relationship—in short, he’d arrived in her life too soon and moved too fast (at least that’s what he told himself he’d done). At the same time, he had reason, because he was not ready to play games. However, he’d been feeling the distinct impression to wait. For what? He didn’t know—all he knew was that each time he asked, he heard the word, “Wait!” When he’d ask why, the response was, “Is the Great I AM not enough for you? Is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob unable to provide the affection and affirmation that you crave? ‘ “On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided”’” (Genesis 22:14 NIV, second half). That evening after work, he reflectively gathered the two small boxes with their gold cargo and returned them to the store and accepted the $164.84 back into his bank account.

During the succeeding days, he couldn’t help continuing to think about relationships though, and promised himself that one day he’d find the right one. Returning from work the next day, he knew he needed to stop by the store to get food for the rest of the week. Since a Walmart was just off his way home, he made the detour. Despite his being single, he couldn’t help stopping by the jewelry counter again to look at the shiny things. He’d always been partial to Western wear, especially belts, buckles, and riding boots in addition to almost anything else beautiful and shiny. Looking over the inexpensive rings again, he found a relatively simple one and bought it—a promise from himself to himself that someday, something good would come. Alternating it between his first and ring fingers, he decided that the right ring finger fit best given the size he bought, although that made him look as if he was engaged. In a way, he was. However, he decided to put this out of mind for now because of not being around any available girls. If he ever found himself in such a situation, he could easily take it off. In the meantime, it would be a reminder of God’s promise to provide and of the beautiful in life.

This time of waiting and growing was hard. Many nights, he passionately wished for a girl to receive his affection and to give him the physical companionship and emotional comfort he intensely desired. Other times, music would overwhelm him with beauty and richness. Despite this emotional roller coaster, he knew that he was continuing to grow into more of the person he was intended to be, someone who could more fully meet the goal God had set for him before he even was born. If and when a special someone arrived in his life, he would be ready at the right time for her. Already, the past two or three years had brought immense mental growth, putting him in touch with emotions and allowing him to grow in his musical and writing talents. He’d also become much more confident in who he was as a person and where he wanted to go. As a side benefit of talking with so many girls, he’d met some great ones and was currently talking with one from the Dominican Republic—all in Spanish despite his limited abilities (Google Translate and his pocket dictionary were his standbys for keeping the conversation going). Only time would tell where things would go next.

To be continued—maybe.