The Devil You Don't Know

         Darkness is comforting if it is all you know. I see very little reason to muddy things up by offering a light side to things. Evil is ever so much easier than good after all. There are fewer rules and evil people rarely tell you no. Excess is fun and pleasurable, not like prudence and moderation. How often do you hear of a faithful person laughing themselves to death? How many priests or rabbis die with smiles on their faces? Good is overrated, and overstated. I like who I am. Do you really like you? Surely something about you bothers you.
         It’s probably some kind of construct of your conditioned morality, “I wish I were a good person.”
         Or is it some aspect of your vanity? “I wish I were prettier, smarter or better at…”
I can get behind that. And I can help. I have all kinds of cheats for all of those vain flaws or more. Want to achieve perfection? Ignore the moralists and religious nuts telling you that you can’t help but fall short. Pursue perfection with all you have. You can throw all of your money and even your soul into attaining it. With my help you can. I’m a perfect specimen, of anything you want to talk about.
         You should hear me play the fiddle… I know what you have heard, I let that boy win! How much pride do you think that kid had when I was done with him? That whole bet was win-win for me. But I digress. Perfection is most certainly attainable.
         Once we have “perfected” you, we can discuss payment for my services. Do you want to know what I want from you? Nothing difficult, just help me spread the fun, of mayhem, misconduct and mischief. Who wants to be heroic anyway? They tend to work so hard, and end up suffering anyway. And it isn’t like “being good” keeps you from dying. It just sops away the fun until you get there.
         Not into perfection, good, I can handle that too. I mean if you are going to aim lower, why not aim really low. I mean who does it hurt to steal a little from a big corporation? Your waistline is going to expand as you age, why not enjoy getting there? Whatever is your jam, I can help you out.
         Pride, Gluttony, Avarice, I’m good with any of them. Another fun one is lust. You haven’t begun to live until you have given in to lust. A little lust won’t really kill you, quickly. Most STIs take a while to kill you, but hey you will have already booked your room in the afterlife. Nothing is more soothing than knowing where you're going. No anxiety, no last minute panic, you Know. I mean you wouldn’t go on vacation without making a plan on where you’re going. You don’t go to Hawaii with a parka. Where you end up after life should be well planned as well. Where I am from it is strictly BYO ice water. Good luck getting that through customs. Heh heh!
         “What’s my name?” you ask.
         Me, I’m no one too special. You can call me Scratch…