My story

It happened last summer. I remember exactly that it was 17 June because it was the day of my girlfriend’s birthday. She was already my ex-girlfriend at that time, however.
I was lying in my bed thinking about her celebrating the birthday, drinking champagne and kissing with her new boyfriend. That was killing me. Doesn’t she understand that she is hurting me? Has she ever loved me if she broke up with me so easily?
Besides, I had problems at work. Talking on the phone nine hours a day five days a week drained me completely. Every month I went to the hospital, complained of having a sore throat and took sick leave although I wasn’t sick. More and more doctors started to recognize me and met me saying word like “Got ill again?” My medical record quickly expanded and the doctors came to the conclusion that if the sickness always came back pills and gargling weren’t effective. They wanted to prescribe me an antibiotic treatment but I understood that I got carried away with faking my illness and somehow avoided it.
And then, lying in the bed, I realized that nothing would ever get any better. At the same moment the idea of suicide came to me. It had crossed my mind several times before but it hadn’t had the character of determination. Convinced that I really wanted to do it I was happy imagining her crying after hearing the news of my death. What will she be filling? Will she understand then how important she was to me?
Choosing the way of killing myself didn’t take much time…