Phoenix

As she presses the lever on the coffee dispenser, Rory Danielle Adams reflects on the last year of her life. At her job particularly. She muses momentarily about all the things her coworkers don't know about her, and hopefully never will. She pumps the handle of the Vanilla creamer 8 times into her green calavera coffee mug as she does every morning. As she has done every weekday for the last year at exactly 8:05. Grant from Legal walks in, and she observes herself smiling and making easy morning conversation with him. Just like a normal person. Just like anyone would. She notes the smile written smoothly over her face as if it were real. As if this version of herself were real. Rory Danielle Adams feels proud of the way she has played this part for so long. So long that some days it she almost fools even herself.

There is a wide fissure between the Rory of this role, and the Rory of two years ago. The Rory that still observes from through her eye holes, hidden in the dark of her body. A canyon so wide no one can see to the other side except Rory herself. And Cindy. Cindy who has adopted her into her family of four daughters as daughter number five, and who Rory regularly sobs to, runs to, begs for attention from, and then tries her best to shove away in shame. But Cindy refuses to go, and Rory couldn't be more grateful even through her fear of being abandoned pulses lava hot through her veins every time they hang up the phone, or hug and part ways after a lunch date.

What would they think if they saw that side of her? What would they think if they saw her tiny house, and judged her parenting? What would they say if they knew she basically hadn't eaten in 5 months? What if they knew that before this job she hadn't worked in 10 years? What if they knew she was a shell with a person inside looking through eyeholes? What if they knew there was more than one person inside? What if they knew that in the year and a half before she was hired, she had been in mental hospitals 5 times for a total of 11 weeks? What if they looked closely at her wrists and saw all the scars?