Poems

Secrets

It doesn't take much to break someone.
Only a few words.
Sometimes they're yours,
and sometimes they're not.
They still have the same effect.
Broken friendships, broken households.
Only a few words.
Severing bonds unbreakable,
Destroying hearts beyond repair,
Leaving people in the dark,
Only a few words.
"I'm cheating on you".
"I can't do this anymore"
"I was never your friend".
Only a few words.
Yet they have so much power,
So much despair,
So much destruction beyond repair.
Only a few words.


Trapped

Lost isn't just getting stuck in a maze
it's getting stuck in your emotions
the past
words that have been spoken
that you just can't seem to forget
words that swirl in your mind forever
like a song stuck in your head.
Words that led you to believe
and led you to be Lost.
And yet they are still there
because you can't seem to let them go.


Resurfaced

I thought I got rid of it.
I thought I finally got over what you did to me.
What you said.
What you broke.
But then I see you again.
You look different.
You cut your hair.
You finally got a phone.
You changed so much.
Maybe you're not the same person
Who made me ashamed of myself,
Who criticized me for my self-harm,
Who called me annoying and spastic,
Who said he had "too many friends".
Maybe you're not the same person you used to be.
I'm not mad at who you are now,
But I don't think I can forgive who you were.


Shoes

You can learn a lot about someone
by looking at their shoes.
Converse? Edgy wannabe.
Vans? Social outcast.
Tennis shoes? Popular athlete.
I don't even have to see their face.
I don't even want to.
Just keep your head down and keep moving.
It's easier than having to talk to them.
It's easier than having to meet their gaze;
Having to see their innocent and unknowing eyes
that will soon be filled with hatred and disgust.


Shadows

I love wearing a mask.
It hides my face, helps me blend in
To the Shadows, where I belong
Where I want to be,
Ignored by everyone,
Never drawing attention.
...But it's lonely here.
The Shadows stare back at me,
Knowing that I don't belong.
I know I don't.
I don't know where else to go.


Feelings

Every time I start to catch feelings,
I prepare myself for what's coming.
The squeezing in my chest when
I see them with someone else.
The what-ifs are a spiraling storm
and I'm stuck in the eye of the hurricane.
The way my walls crack and crumble
breaking down only for them.
I know
I know
I know
I should keep my walls up.
I'm asking to be rejected.
I'm setting myself up to get hurt.
...but I can't help it.


Hand-Me-Down Love

A parent's love
Passed down like old clothes
When a new sibling arrives
All the love you had goes
to the Youngest,
The Favorite,
and you can't help but feel
that you're being ignored,
thrown away like the peel
"They just need more attention"
"You were that old once too"
but you know, way deep down,
They love them more than you.
So you're stuck there, still feeling
Like you're not worth as much
Cause I guess your age matters
when distributing love.
"You're just seeking attention"
"You can handle yourself"
So there you are, stuck,
on the farthest back shelf.
Here comes kid number three,
And, as you expect,
Sibling One's turn is over,
thrown under the bed.
At least now, you are allies,
Now you're on the same side
and helping each other through
this not-so-thrilling ride.
Now there you are, together,
Fighting for a father's love,
And you will fight until you won't,
When you realize it never comes.



The Switch

They're laughing at you.
Don't look up; you'll see them staring at you.
Like a lion in a cage,
They're watching your every move.
They don't even give you a single thought.

Everyone is judging you.
You should just kill yourself.
Nobody would miss you if you were gone.
Nobody would even notice.
You're a terrible person.
This is why he left you.

Stop talking.
Shut up. Nobody cares.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut UP!
You're being annoying.
They're ignoring you.
They're regretting becoming your friend.

Stop being so needy.
You're too clingy.
Stop acting so obnoxious.
You're so stupid.
You're disappointing everyone.
You're a waste of space.

Nobody cares about you.
Nobody would notice if you were gone.
You should jus-
*click*
. . . . . .


Change

Butterflies are the symbol of change.
Migration, photosynthesis,
even the cycle of life.
They're constantly changing
Never slowing down.
Always moving.
Butterflies.
Moving.
Change.


How Dumb

Crushing.
Does anything
ever come from a crush?
Heartache, maybe. Or nervousness.
...how dumb.


This Sucks

Unrequited love.
The bane of my existence.
God, this fucking sucks.


The What-ifs

They're haunting me.
They take over my thoughts,
spiraling around in my head.
Strangling, constricting, suffocating,
permanent noose around my mind.
Stuck in a broken girl.
Me and my thoughts.


Weekdays

Breathe.
Okay.
Here we go.
Another day.
I can do this... right?
I can struggle through it,
Stumbling to the finish line,
Despite the exhaustion, the stress,
the uncertainty, the random feelings,
all the second-guessing, the thoughts that
lie like anvils on my chest-
No. Push it down. Conceal.
I'm a normal girl.
...who wears hoodies
and leggings
daily...
shit.


title

is this a poem?
well, it is written like one,
so I guess it is.


Something is Wrong

Is it normal
To be scared of your own father
Despite never being physically abused?
Is it normal
To be terrified when he's angry,
anxiety slicing through me like knives?
Is it normal
To leave every conversation sobbing
or screaming and yelling in anger?
Is it normal
to not feel loved by the person
you're supposed to love the most?
It feels fake, like he's playing a role,
like he's not really my father.
I feel like I'm going insane,
like I'm the only one who thinks
knows he's an imposter.
I don't know what's wrong,
But something obviously isn't right.
I shouldn't consider my own father
The one person impossible to please.
The person who prioritizes grades over
the fact that I cut my legs to feel something
Instead of this numbness, this immunity
to any emotion that isn't crippling apathy.
"you're a teenager, so it's normal to have
negative interactions with your parents."
If this is normal, then none of us
are as ok as we seem.


Tough Love

What happens when "tough" starts to feel like abuse
And "love" starts to feel like it's just an excuse?


What For

I relapsed.
I cut my wrists and
I cut my hands and
I cut my arms and
I cut my legs and
I cut my shoulders and
I cut my thighs and
there's nothing there.

Over and over,
I drag it against my skin,
but the marks always fade,
the brief pain into nothingness.
I don't know why I wish
the lines, the evidence of my pain,
the cracks littering the doll that is me,
was visible to the rest of the world.

I thought I was doing it
to make me feel something
among the monotonous numb.
Why do I wish the lines would stay?
Am I really just doing it because
I'm tired of feeling nothing, or
do I want everyone to see
the shattered girl I really am?

I gave up on relying on
others to hear my silent cries,
to see that I'm hurting and broken.
Or at least, I thought I did.
Even after years of being invisible,
ignored by the world around me,
I still wish the evidence
would be noticed by someone.

Or maybe it's because
I want battle scars,
evidence of the storm
I'm still fighting against.
Maybe I want them
to see my strength,
see that I haven't given up,
despite everything.


Fantasies

she dreams of romance
wishing for her chance to be
cherished by someone


Returning

Wow.
Long time,
No see, huh?
I've changed a lot.
Lost and gained some friends.
I have a boyfriend now.
We've been dating for 6 months.
Long distance, unfortunately.
I'm about to graduate.
Moving to a new state,
Going to college
In a few months.
I'm nervous.
Okay.
Bye.


title