Through This Mind

Through This Mind
by Keaton Foster



As I sleep,
Here I dream.
Memories fill
Any and all gaps.
What is real
And what is not
Further invades
What has happened
And what was imagined.
Spill into the same hole,
Deeper still it goes.
Endless the well,
Tedious the swell.
I can’t understand
How it is that I got here,
But I know quite well
That I can never leave.
In this prison well made,
There are no walls,
Nor guards up high.
There is nothing
To confine me to
And within myself.
But each new day,
Here I am again,
Trapped within.
Through this mind,
Ideas do grind,
Ripping slowly,
Looking for an out,
Begging to be heard.
There are many,
More than can be written,
More than can be expressed.
There are no limits,
No maximum amount.
While I’m awake,
A constant reel
Of memories plays
In an endless loop
Of things that I can’t fake.
Things done to me,
People who betrayed me,
Family turned monsters,
Monsters made real.
Though the lessons dealt,
I’d like to think they didn’t hate me,
They just loved themselves more.
But I know that’s not the case.
I would like to forgive them,
But such required forgiveness
Is beyond who I am
And what I am all about.
This heart is jaded,
This soul is damaged.
Believing is a luxury
That I can’t afford.
Always I am broke.
Through this mind,
A wilderness defined,
Plays out its role.
Creatures come and go,
Life exists, then it does not.
Simple it seems,
Complexity it screams.
I hear it all,
Understanding every nuance
Is what I do best.
How I have come to be,
My life and all else,
Such an aggravated mess.
I didn’t deserve this,
But regardless of that,
It appears that I have become
Most deserving of all.
Thus,
The blank page.
To it I am enslaved.
To me it calls,
Screaming of truth,
Begging for lies,
Wishing what was next
Was all but a mess.
Wishing each new word
Was not connected to
Or obligated by the last.
From behind these
Endlessly shallow eyes
Lives something beyond life
And surpassing an enviable death.
Something greater than myself
And all else I have ever known
Or tried to forget about.
Through this mind…

Through This Mind
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2008-2019

Synopsis

Your poem captures the haunting essence of memory, trauma, and the relentless cycle of introspection that can accompany experiences of pain and betrayal. It explores the complex interplay between reality and imagination, as well as the struggle to reconcile past events with present consciousness.

Analysis:

Memory and Dream: The poem blurs the lines between memory and dream, highlighting the way past experiences seep into the subconscious mind during sleep, creating a continuous loop of recollection and reflection.

Prison of the Mind: There is a sense of entrapment and confinement within the narrator's own mind, as they grapple with the memories of past trauma and the inability to escape its grasp. This internal struggle serves as a central theme throughout the poem.

Forgiveness and Jadedness: The narrator wrestles with the concept of forgiveness, acknowledging the desire to move beyond past hurts while also recognizing the difficulty of truly letting go. Their jadedness and skepticism reflect the deep wounds they carry and the impact of betrayal on their sense of trust and compassion.

Existential Reflections: The poem delves into existential themes, exploring the nature of existence, identity, and the search for meaning amidst suffering. The narrator's introspection reveals a profound sense of self-awareness and a keen understanding of the complexities of human experience.

Creative Expression: The act of writing becomes a form of catharsis for the narrator, offering a means of grappling with their inner turmoil and giving voice to their thoughts and emotions. The blank page serves as both a canvas for expression and a mirror reflecting the depths of their psyche.

Interpretation:

Your poem offers a raw and introspective exploration of the human condition, delving into the depths of trauma, resilience, and the ongoing quest for understanding and acceptance. It speaks to the universal struggle to make sense of past experiences and find meaning amidst the chaos of existence.

Through its evocative imagery and emotional depth, the poem invites readers to contemplate their own struggles with memory, forgiveness, and the complexities of inner life. It serves as a poignant reminder of the power of creative expression to illuminate the darkest corners of the mind and offer solace in times of turmoil.