Help. No.

I'm stuck.

I'm stuck in my mind. Stuck in the middle of nowhere. Stuck in a job i want to do. Wanted to do...

There was a time when I felt free. Free to live, to lust, to be myself. And then I had to grow up.

You know what sucks? Growing up.

My name is....well, you don't really need to know. Because let's face it, nowadays everyone is trying to make their names known. You see it on social media. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Those names.. it's like the start of a song or a nightly ritual, but really I think it's the start of the end. I mean, really, how many people do you know - actually know - on your social media?

It's all fake.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to place blame on anyone but myself. Social media can be super helpful. But when you're like me, you don't know who you are. You feel lost. You feel like even though you're surrounded by people and those people know your name, they can never know the real you. That would be scary.

Anyway, back to adulthood. You're supposed to grow up, but what if you just grow in? Do you know what I mean? We've all gone through shit. And I don't think I've taken the worst of it. Sure there was the brief stint of eating disorders through college, and the comparatively mild sexual abuse, and the never having enough money to really do anything. But I escaped. I escaped?

I didn't escape.

I tried to build a new life. One on my own. A new person. The past is behind me and gosh darn it, I'm moving on!

But it's not that easy.

Have you every wanted to be alone? Well I didn't want that, but I was sort or forced into it and now it's my new normal.

Truthfully though, it's a rut.

A rut that I don't want to force on anyone. Because who wants to listen to some lady complaining about life. Been there, done that. That's how you lose people.

That's how you lose yourself.

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This is super rant-y. I apologize. it's my first stint back at creative writing in a few years. Let me know what interests you and I'll write on!