Victim again

Everything started from a lothario act, a fake love-crush feeling show.
As I acted and pantomimed a false infatuation on you, there was this force that influenced
my emotions and feelings making and turning them into real.

The strange feelings that I have not experienced for over 8 years devour my nerves.
This proclivity cannot be controlled, and is compulsive.
Yes, I admit I fell easily and I am fallen for you, and I do not know if
by accident or by will.

Knowing that these feelings, welter, would only hurt me in the end,
I ignored the beat of my heart and focused on something that would divert my attention from you.
However, the more I neglect it, the more it grows.
And this made me crestfallen, disturbed my equanimity, and weaken my mind and body.
I strongly warned myself, but I let my wall down.
And by that, I am indeed a fatous gay man, again.

Nevertheless, I leave everything in bequeath.
I will never be suppliant nor would like you to reciprocate what I feel because
this is just trifling.
But thanks to providential circumstances, soon we will diverge leaving me with an option;
to move forward to the place where my fate will destine me.