Originally posted in '05 or '06 but I must've taken it down. Really hits home now. |
I feel like I am dying inside; harboring feelings I should not hide. Each day, I lose more will to survive. It's eating me - eating me alive. I know I'm always keeping things in, and on this path, I'll never win. Sometimes, I wish my life would end; but even that's like spitting into the wind. Some days, I'm on top of the world. Yet, others remind me I'm just a girl living my life for everyone else; refusing to even care for my health. Doctors give me more drugs to make me "right" - no more seizures, violence, or sleepless nights, no more pain or depression - so they said - and nothing else wrong inside my head. But, all that's crap, that's what I say! It's all supposedly in my mind, anyway! Pain and imperfection - these are clear as day. Still, I live my life, come what may. I miss my life when it was simple and sweet - before my wings were crushed and my soul claimed defeat - before my confidence was sliced to tiny shreds - before people started to "mess with my head". I can't seem to find any guidance I trust. I can't seem to find the voice that I must. Okay, so I can't tell people what's wrong but I can write about it all day long. So, here I sit, writing these words; a bard whose songs shall never be heard - wishing I weren't loved for who I could be; wanting to be accepted as me, JUST ME. |