Lemme Freak

It was a friday night in October last year. I was sitting in the passenger's seat of Julia’s car, discussing the important things in life, like the fact that Kylie Jenner might be pregnant. “I mean, I hate the Kardashians, I swear I do,” I said.
“Same, yeah,” Julia said. “It’s just like- news. We’re only talking about it. That doesn’t mean we care.
“Exactly!” I uncrossed my legs, accidently hitting the plastic container that held what was left of my vegetarian rice bowl from Moe’s. The heat in the car was all the way up. It felt like a hair dryer was on its highest setting, blowing dry heat directly in our faces. Just the way we both liked it. As if on cue, Lemme Freak by Lil Dicky came on. I whipped my head toward Julia, who was already looking over at me.
“IT’S OUR SONG,” she screamed. As if I didn’t already know. We both shrieked in unison. Julia was quickly passing the 25 mph speed limit. You can’t drive 25 mph to a song with a tempo of 120 bpm!
Drunk,
Faded,
Browned out lookin’ all shady
We chimed in with our mutually favorite Jewish rapper. It was the perfect moment. We made eye contact as we recited every lyric, screaming the explicit ones a little louder than the rest. Julia could barely keep her hands on the wheel.
I got one more chance to prove myself so I'm like-
"Look, I'm athletic, girl. I've gotten several rec-league MVP's
At my crib I've got some pizza. Plus a little bit of weed
In my room I've got a TV. Plus I recently did sheets
Girl, I even have a fridge that has the water on the door like with the crushed ice"
The beat dropped and so did our dance moves. We were really breaking it down, releasing all our teen angst.
You know I don't give a damn whatcha playin' right now,
This is me coming at you as a man right now.
Lemme freak.
Lemme freak, god dammit, lemme freak
Just lemme freak,
Please god
Just lemme freak
We were in the middle of nowhere by this point. In Willington, but the middle of nowhere. The song was fueling our adventurous sides, and we couldn’t have cared less about getting home in time for curfew. Hecc, it was already 10:58! We continued to rage to Lemme Freak as we cruised down the empty, unfamiliar roads.
But then we came to an intersection.
And Julia didn’t stop at the stop sign.
My life seemed to slow down and my ears began to ring as a van came crashing into the driver’s side of Julia’s sedan.
My life resumed to regular speed and I looked down at my lap. Blood was soaking through my light wash skinny jeans. Shattered pieces of glass had lodged themselves into my thigh. Julia was lying still on the console between our seats. Her seatbelt had been pulled taught and was cutting into her flesh. The dusty white airbag had activated itself, and was now suffocating her delicate torso.
It’s October again now. My roommate Kelly and I are in our room. Our Christmas lights are on and giving a soft glow to the room, the kind a candle would give, if we were allowed to have candles in dorm rooms. We’re both sitting on our beds. I’m curled up in a blanket shivering. Kelly likes the room cold. My feet are icicles. I try to warm them up with my hands, but they’re icicles too so I quit. We’re each doing our homework, and music is playing softly in the background.
“Oh Mal! I heard this hilarious song a couple days ago, I meant to play it for you!”
Kelly and I exchange music suggestions a lot. We don’t really have the same taste, but that’s irrelevant. Kelly grabs her phone and puts on the song.
My heart drops.

Drunk,
Faded,
Browned out lookin’ all shady
“I love this song! His name’s-”
“Lil Dicky…” I finished. My throat ties itself up in knots and I choke back tears.
“Mal what’s wrong?”
I don’t respond.
You know I don't give a damn whatcha playin' right now,
This is me coming at you as a man right now.
Lemme freak.
Lemme freak, god dammit, lemme freak
Just lemme freak,
I haven’t listened to this song since last year. Last October. That night that was so perfect, or would’ve been so perfect if it wasn’t Julia’s last night. I picture her face when the song came on. I hear her voice singing along to the chorus. I feel the dry, hot air blowing in our faces. I see the van crash into her car, and I think of Julia’s lifeless body lying next to me.
Please god
Just lemme freak.