Five Cold Natured Stories

A Winter's Drive Home

         The typical season of Christmas was in the air all around at this special time of the year. Little kids played in the snow, and were excited about Santa Claus arriving soon. Adults finished up the last few days at work in anticipation of that long awaited holiday break from work. Bill and Jane were two of these adults who were finishing up their last long hour on second shift before their long awaited break began. The two have been close co-workers for a very long time, and the two both planned on spending Christmas time together this year.

         The bell rang for their shift to end and Bill and Jane walked on out to the parking lot. Jane grabbed a bag from out of her car, and threw it into the trunk of Bill's car. Jane looked at Bill and said, "Let's get out of here." So the two took the 45 minute drive home to Bill's house up in the mountains. It was a typical cold winter night with the stars ever so bright, which Bill nervously noticed. The two had been driving, and having a good time talking, and they were now only about 5 minutes from Bill's house.

         Bill drove carefully down a very steep mountain which curved into a low level bridge. A low level bridge is designed to provide a bridge when the water flow is low, but when it rains a lot it allows water to run over the roadway and that precludes vehicular traffic. Tonight the low level bridge was very passable. As Bill and Jane came closer to the isolated bridge they noticed a light out by the river bank. At first they both thought it was a camp fire that a fisherman made, but they soon noticed it was an overturned car.

         The headlights of the car were still on and you could see little fish swimming around in water in front of the head lights. As they drove over the bridge Jane noticed a young woman with a furry red coat standing on the side of the roadway. Bill stares at Jane dumbfounded when she first points out the young woman standing on the bridge, and tells him to pull on over. At first Bill wasn't going to stop, but Jane insisted that he stop. and he did. Jane rolled down her window noticing that the young woman was wet, and asked, "Are you okay?" The girl replied "Yes, and can you give me a ride?" Jane said, "Sure where to?" The girl said, "Home." So the girl opened the back door and sat down.

         As Bill drove Jane asked, "What's your name, and what happened?" The girl replied, "My name is Cynthia, and my car slid off of the low level bridge." The two women had a very long conversation, while Bill didn't say a single word. Finally Bill pulled into his driveway, and onto a dark carport. The only light came from out of the kitchen window. Bill turned off the car, and got out. He was unlocking the the kitchen door when Jane got out of the car. "I thought that you were going to drive Cynthia home," Jane angrily said.

         Bill said "Who." Jane angrily said, "Cynthia.", and as she looked in the back seat she noticed that there was no body there. Jane snatched open the car door only to find an empty wet spot. Jane said, "What's going on, and where did she go?" Bill said, "Come on in and I'll explain it all to you." Jane and Bill walked into his house. Bill grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine, and his hands were noticeably shaking as he poured the wine. Bill handed Jane a glass, and an old newspaper that he had just removed from a desk drawer. Jane took a sip of wine and started to read the page of the newspaper that Bill opened. Bill sipped his wine, and stared at Jane dumbfoundedly as she read the old newspaper article.

         Jane finished reading and said, "I don't get it. Why is Cynthia's picture here with this news story of this old car wreck?" Bill went onto explain, "I thought that I was the only person that could see her. I drove upon this car wreck 14 years ago, and I tried my very best to pull Cynthia from out from underneath of that car, but I couldn't do it." Bill then started slightly crying and said, "There was no time to get help before the water rose, and she died that night in my arms. Every time the night is like it was tonight, she's waiting for me at the low level bridge. I wouldn't have driven you that way home, but I was distracted by talking to you, and I missed my turn."

         "But Cynthia was so real," Jane said. "Yes she is, but she's actually waiting on the other side, Bill said." Jane said, "Waiting for what?" Bill said, "Cynthia says she's waiting for me." "Wow! Jane replied. That's deep." "I've picked her up more times then I can count," Bill interjected. Usually, she sits up front with me, and we talk, but, she always disappears. One night I drove her all the way to her home in Roanoke before she disappeared on me. Until tonight I thought Cynthia was just in my head, but I'm happy now to finally see that she's just not in my head, and that I'm not crazy."


My New Cold Job

         It's an ever changing world. You can't just walk into a place of business anymore, and fill out a paper job application like in the past. Most jobs today you have to apply online over the Internet, and then you go through what sometimes is a rather lengthy interview process. This was not the case with my newest job. Yes I still applied on the World Wide Web, but instead of an interview, we took an obstacle course. Instead of a suit, I was told to come in wearing a sweat suit and tennis shoes. I prepared for this obstacle course by watching the television show American Ninja Warrior, which may or may not have helped my cause. The minimum requirements for this physical abilities test are top secret, and weren't disclosed to us. Even the military and state police aren't this secretive with their test. However in the end, all out of breath and sweating we were all told that we did well.
         So at the end of this past Summer, I started my brand new job with two dozen other great people in my group. There was actually a grand total of 50 people who were hired in different groups throughout that one single hot Summer month. The hot "dog days" of Summer didn't change anything in our new work area which contained all of those low freezing temperatures. We all sat through a long orientation program hearing about all sorts of awesome expectations along with the do's and don'ts of the company. The management of this massive world wide company all seemed to be really nice people, and the HR department was full of people who were both very approachable and easy to talk to. They never fire anyone at this company, they just simply promote them to customer, which most of us already are at this point. Unless you live under a rock on Mars, then at some point you have shopped at this company, and that's all that I'm going to say about that.
         The next day after orientation we all started on our designated shifts. Half of us began on first shift bright and early at 5am. What followed next was a lot of computer training and hands on training. Soon after this was completed we did a month long cleaning project to ready the facility for some upcoming visitors. After this was done we all started training again with individual trainers, who all seemed to be fairly decent people. The entire company was full of really good people, but just as in any place there's always a bad apple or two in every bunch.
         My individual trainer, Andy had been with the company since it opened up a little bit over a year ago. I told him that I was all open to constructive criticism, and he didn't have any problem laying it on thick. One thing about the building that we all work in is it is cold, and I mean cold. The entire building is really just one big refrigerator after all. Even on groundhog day Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, and predicted that our job area would be a cold place. One good thing about working in a cold environment is in the Winter time when everybody else is complaining about just how cold it is outside, it doesn't bother us one little bit. There are various temperatures throughout our facility, however four of the twelve of us were assigned inside the freezer. This added some light hearted joking to us about being freezer boys and pop-sickles, but we were much more intent on trying to stay warm then to let that bother us. There's some other nick names floating around like the Softball Coach, Mr. Yellow, White Finger, and Donkey Kong. There's also nick names like the Hunter, the Tugboat Captain, the Bread Truck Driver, and the Ice Witch. None of them has stuck like the cold label of the freezer boys has for us.
         The Temperatures in the freezer are indeed freezing and are somewhere between zero and minus ten degrees. It's posted on the doors, but I know this for a fact because I took a thermometer in with me just to see what the temperature really was. My intent was to prove that it was much colder to the management then what was posted on the doors, but unfortunately that plan back fired on me and the temperatures are actually a little bit warmer than that of the posted signs. I won't be informing management of this discovery anytime soon, because no matter how you slice it dice it or rice it, it's freezing in there. I made the suggestion to a member of management that we could roll an empty 55 gallon drum into the freezer, and fill it up with broken pieces of wooden pallets to use as a fire can. That idea was shot down faster then an airplane got shot down in World War Two. Andy likes to point it out from time to time that it's a little bit chilly in there. A very poor excuse for a joke. One good thing about working in the freezer that a co-worker pointed out to me is that it's a great place to cool off if you are mad.
         I felt that I needed a good face mask, because as a cute co-worker of mine pointed out the mask that the company gave us are rather cheap. I tried buying a mask at a local sporting goods store, but that's not possible in the Summer time because stores don't start stocking cold weather gear like ski mask on their shelves until cold weather is finally upon us. When you ask about ski masks this time of year, store employees back away from you as if you are intending to rob a bank. So I don't recommend saying that.
         So what I ended up doing was going to a GI Joe's military store outside of an Army base and getting a cold weather mask from there. I was really impressed with the double thickness of the mask so I bought every one that they had on the table, which ended up being five of them. Both for back ups and other co-workers of mine who need something better too. I figure they are black masks for seal team six or another military organization like that.
         There are also hand warming stations that are set up outside of the freezer for our needs. At these stations we can put our mask and gloves on top of to help melt the frost off of them and warm them up for our comfort. We have called these precious stations our club house, and when we say that term everybody knows where to go warm up your feet and hands.
         Along with good pay the company also provides us with gear for working in temperatures ranging from minus 20 to minus 60 degree temperatures. Now putting on and taking off all of this cold weather gear takes some time. It can be a real challenge getting dressed and undressed to enter the freezer. An astronaut can do the simple task of going to a rest room easier then we can. At this point management doesn't recognize this hardship, and hopefully later on down the road they will. The company also pays for our cold weather boots, and mine are packing 800 grams of thinsulate in them. The mittens we have are packing 100 grams of thinsulate in them and when we operate the controls on our lifts it's like driving around with baseball gloves on. I found out the hard way that when you hit something because you hit the wrong button with those big bulky mittens on that it's frowned upon by management. The mittens actually look like you are wearing two big lobster claws over your hands. On the up side to wearing these bulky mittens you can actually flip somebody off and give someone that you don't like very much the bird without them ever knowing it. I've tried it and it's a lot of fun.
         Now just like hitting the wrong button with your bulky mittens, there are a lot of do's and don'ts around this company. There are some people who walk around wearing yellow jackets almost as though they are in a cult. These people are doing nothing more than looking for any little thing that you are doing wrong to write you up. They are just as mean as if you bumped into a nest of real yellow jackets. Another thing this company does is keeps on changing it's polices on how we perform our work. Every time we turn around management implements some crazy new rule just to slow us down, so that we can't reach our production rate to get a few incentive pennies. It's almost as though we are playing the Ninendo video game of Mario Kart at work, and every time that we catch up to Donkey Kong he throws a banana peel at us to slow us down.
         It's also really just a daily ritual hearing various names called over the intercom to come up to the front office. One thing is for sure and that is no one is getting called to the office to drink a cup of coffee and eat cookies. Getting written up for something is just a normal everyday past time, and a part of life around these parts. I have lost count at just how many times that I have actually been called to the office, and written up now. One time we were even called to the office to sign some paperwork again that management had lost, which is real good organization on their behalf. Some of my co-workers take getting written up harder then others. The culture of this company is based on what some have described as a De-merit system used to control workers, which some people can't handle. Since the 24 of us all started in my group, a few of my co-workers have already departed the scene. Among them was a man who's feet were getting much too cold for him to handle. Since that co-worker departed I discovered disposable adhesive toe warmers which seem to help keep my toes warm for half a shift. At lunch time I put a new pair of toe warmers in, which can be a rather lengthy ordeal, to last me until the end of the day. Another co-worker that I can recall just took it way too hard that he was written up. He should have never let that bother him so much. The rest of us have happily moved passed the 90 day mark now, and we have all finally got our discount cards. We have all decided that we will just let them promote us to costumer in a warmer environment if the need rises on down the road. Either way it's a win win situation to those of us who are still working here. One thing is for sure and that is we're doing a little bit better then some people are out there. A friend of mine's son only lasted four days working at Taco Bell, after he failed their test 6 times in a row. He wasn't even there long enough to get a free beef and bean burrito, but that would be a completely different story.

The End, for now


Turning Back The Clock

         Today was no different than any other day in Cody's life. He got up and went to his job in a place where most people working there didn't like. It was a very cold first of September in 2018, and it was really cold for some reason today. Cody was sleepier than he usually was, so at first break, around 8:30 a.m. Cody found a warm quiet, out of the way place and closed his eyes for a moment or two, or at least that what he thought.

         He woke up refreshed, but he was jerked awake as someone was yelling at him. Cody figured it was one of his pushy co-workers who couldn't mind their own business. However, when he opened his eyes he discovered the person yelling was an old teacher from the tenth grade. What made things even worse when he looked around he discovered that he was young again, and found himself sitting in a classroom among bunch of his old classmates.

         After Cody completely regained his consciences and was fully awake he could see a date on the chalkboard in front of him. It read in bright yellow chalk September 1st, 1979. The clock above the chalkboard showed it was 1:30 in the afternoon. So, what happened in those 5 hours that Cody slept? Cody pinched himself to see if he was awake, and realized he was. Doing some simple math on his fingers, he counted that he went back in time 39 years, but why? What was so important about this day in history? Cody thought about seeing his parents once again and all his old childhood friends.

         As Cody was contemplating what all of this all meant, he felt an elbow hitting him. He looked to his right and he saw a pretty girl whose name he remembered was Laurie. "What's the big deal?" he asked her. Laurie said the teacher was calling on him. Cody looked up to the front of the classroom and saw Ms. Saunders with a disgusted look on her face. Ms. Saunders said it was Cody's turn to give a speech. Cody looked down at a blank sheet of paper on his desk and stood up.

         Ms. Sanders said, "Come up front, Cody, and stand at the podium under the Maryland state flag."

         Cody made his way up front seeing faces he hasn't seen for a long time. He got up on the podium and looked out at all his classmates who were waiting for his speech. The biggest problem for Cody at this moment was he didn't know what he was supposed to give a speech about, but that was quickly rectified when Ms. Saunders asked Cody if his speech was on a topic from the past, present, or future. Cody couldn't believe his luck and said, "What the heck, let's talk about the future."

         Cody thought about what he was going to say for a second or two and then let it rip. Cody said you may believe it or not, but I'm from almost four decades in the future. Some of what I'm about to tell you may sound crazy, but if you live long enough you will find out what I'm saying here today is true. Cody said everybody in this room is a big Baltimore Orioles fan, and they will make it to the world series this year. The Orioles will have a big 3 games to one lead against the Pittsburgh Pirates, but they won't win. All of Cody's classmates loudly booed him and threw wads of paper balls at him.

         Ms. Saunders calmed the class down, and told Cody to continue. Cody said, You will see that happen real soon. Another thing that's going to happen in a few years is our Baltimore Colts will move out of town in the middle of the night to Indiana." A few more boos erupted from his classmates. "We won't get another NFL team until 1997 when the Cleveland Browns come to town. Our new team will be the Baltimore Ravens and with Ray Lewis they will win a Super Bowl for Baltimore in the year 2000. The Raven's name was chosen for good old Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven." Ms. Saunders and the rest of the class just shook their heads in disbelief.

         Cody then went on to say that in the future there will be the Internet and that it won't crash as it was widely predicted in the the year Y2K. Cody then gave the date of September 11th 2001, and said that from this moment on the world will be different. Before he could go into any of the details of that fateful day the bell rang and it was time for school to end. All of his old classmates were running down the hall to their buses to go home. Cody made his way out of the school looking all around at old looking cars and buses. He looked up at the crisp blue sky, and wondered why he was chosen to go back in time, and what was in store for him in the future?


The Winter Cold Brings Out Crazy People

         This has really been one crazy Winter so far this year. It first started off with really mild warm temperatures, and then just before Christmas it started to snow. Then it warmed up again, and after an Arctic blast from way up North brought more snow. The snow cleaning techniques of some idiots during these Winter snow storms is beyond belief. I have seen one nut job trying to clear snow with a leaf rake, and another nut case trying to clear snow by shooting water on it with a water hose. What is wrong with these people. Now if that isn't something then you will love these Santa stories. Here's a bunch of crazy Santa Claus sightings where they all are behaving badly.
         Santa Claus for some strange reason has over time forgotten all about how to behave over the years. Here are some good examples of Santa Claus and his weird and strange behavior that has been witnessed. There is a Santa Claus who just can't stop talking on his cell phone to save his life, even when there is a kid on his lap. There is another Santa Claus who doesn't wear his iconic red cap, but will stand up for a picture of himself. We figure that particular Santa Claus either lost his red hat somewhere or forgot his hat all together at home. There is also a Santa who's too busy jotting down numbers with his number two pencil on his Sudoku puzzles to be bothered with taking a picture. Now that's really one smart Santa Claus. There are also plenty of Santa Claus' who have been seen coming out of bars in the day time. It looks like Billy Bob Thornton wasn't the only bad Santa caught doing this sort of thing. The really sad part about these Santa Claus stories is that I actually saw these Santa Claus' all myself just this past Christmas.


Bizarre Winter Time Robbery

         This crime is well beyond the normal comprehension of the every day average mind. You may think that I'm making all of this up, but this heinous act actually happened. There was only one eyewitness to this crime, and I'll try to tell his side of the story for you all. His name Is Mr. Ingles. Mr. Ingles is at least 86 years old, so it's always possible that his eyesight isn't the best anymore, but I feel in this case it's probably accurate enough. However it was also Winter time and with the trees void of leaves it was easier to see all around the grounds. So let me now begin to try to explain the circumstances of what just took place, by explaining what our key eye witness Mr. Ingles saw on this fateful day.

         It was an average day like just any other day, and the sun was high up in the sky. Yes this crime took place in broad day light. Mr. Ingles said he was sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, when he noticed a dark shadowy figure moving slowly through the woods. He couldn't quite make out who it was at first, but then the figure came slowly into view as it slowly approached the fence in our back yard. Mr. Ingles said he didn't recognize who this was, and never saw them before, or since this crime took place. Mr. Ingles said they then brazenly broke through the fence in our back yard, by digging a crude hole underneath the fence in the far back corner near the woods. He said they knew exactly what they were after, and went right to the spot where it was sitting in our back yard.

         They looked all around to see if it the coast was clear, when all of a sudden they paused after they noticed that Mr. Ingles was looking at them. However this didn't even deter them from their theft. They snatched up our little one's favorite toy, and then ran as fast as they could back to the hole in the fence, where they escaped never to be seen or heard from again. Now I realize it was just a toy, but our little one was really attached to this one particular toy, and has really been depressed ever since it disappeared. I'm not saying that it cost a lot of money, but it's really the principal of it all. If something doesn't belong to you, then you shouldn't just take it, especially without asking first.

         The only description we have of this thief is from Mr. Ingles. He figured that the thief weighed somewhere around one hundred pounds. Mr. Ingles said that the thief was a young male with shifty, brown eyes who had short, black hair, that was well groomed, except for being covered in some dirt from crawling through the hole underneath the fence. Mr. Ingles said that the only thing which really stood out about this thief was that he had one white ear, one brown ear, and the tip of his tail was white as well. Mr. Ingles also noted that he'll never forget that bark.

         Yes, the thief was a sneaky little dog, and our little Fluffy really misses her favorite chew toy. It really doesn't matter if a thief has two or four legs, because stealing is stealing, and that's just plain wrong! So if you see anyone matching this description carrying a purple chew toy around in their mouth, please give us a ring. There will be a big reward for any information leading to the arrest, and conviction of this thief. Thank You!



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