Frigid Melancholy

Frigid melancholy

The weather was ruthless and unforgiving, the wind was tearing branches from trees as if they were fish bones, and everything was covered by a deep layer of snow. I gazed through the icy window of my cabin, mesmerised by the harsh weather and fascinated by the coldness of this place. It was vigorous enough to freeze any form of life, and even the cabin with a lit fireplace couldn't prevent it from creeping in and biting my toes. This extreme coldness was why I had moved into a cabin in Canada where the cold reigns and all life must succumb to it. I put down the fire in the fireplace and let the cold absorb into my body. Nothing was like feeling the ice running through my veins and my finger going numb. As the coldness put down its roots in my body and absolved it from any solace, I felt my mind refine and my spirit sharpen, but it wasn't cold enough. As I opened a window to amplify the coldness, I heard the wind howling in the trees turn into an amiable voice alluring me into the wilderness, "Come, I'm what you seek." It was like a beacon of light promising me safety and aid, so I let myself abide it.

As soon as I had planted my feet into the snow, I felt an extreme rush of coldness that shook my entire body with pain. "Maybe I should go back inside the cabin?" I murmured half expecting my words to freeze and drop to the ground, but I was already fully devoted to locating the source of the voice. I ventured farther into the cold oblivion, ignoring my aching muscles and the screaming pain of snow falling on my neck and in my boots. I felt the weight of my body pulling me down towards the ground, and just as I was about to collapse, I heard the voice chant "the cold is a friend", "let it carry you." I ignored the burning cold and the exhaustion that was devouring my entire body and took up the fight against the weather. I was never going to conceal myself in alleviation and warmth again, the coldness was the only truth, and I was going to find it. "Come to me, come to me" the pleasant voice called, and I began to quicken my pace. My entire body was still frozen like a popsicle, yet my heart was beating faster than ever before, and even though my muscle where still stiff as sticks I felt like I could run 100 miles. The pain that came with every step was unbearable, but that didn't prevent me from running, I could hear the voice escalate for every step I took, and so did the cold. It attacked relentlessly, but that only inspired me to run faster and faster until I tripped on a rock hiding under the snow as if its sole purpose was to make me dive headfirst into the freezing snow.

I didn't get to my feet after that, I just laid there in the snow for what felt like hours as if it was the most comfortable bed in the world. It wasn't, the cold still froze my face and tore up my skin like paper but laying there made me feel stronger than ever. The cold was like an old friend I finally had reunited with giving me a hug, a friend that never would betray me like warmth had done so many times before. The snow on my face turned into cold tears, and I took that as a cue to end the hug and inspect my surroundings. The sky was blue like a diamond, naked from any clouds camouflaging its beauty, and the sun was half hidden behind the horizon colouring the sky encircling it orange. The only vegetation visible was huge trees wearing heavy winter cloaks weighing their branches down as if they were too tired to wear it proudly. There were no birds chirping or insects buzzing, no smell, nor any movement from the wind playing with the trees. It was as if life itself was at pause and the only thing in existence was me, the cold and an owl. "Where did that owl come from?" I pondered to myself as I studied the feather being sitting lonely on a towering branch belonging to a colossal birch. The owl was white as the snow and its stare was cold as the weather itself, but what I admired the most was the aura of purity radiating from it. "Are you the one who called me?" I attempted to ask but the shivering of my body deemed my words useless, still the owl shook its head back and forth to decline. "I've never called you", it said staring at me as if I had offended it "I'm the one you pursue." I just stood there puzzled over the animal speaking to me, not able to respond or comprehend what I was hearing. "I've always been with you", the owl continued "But you hid from me, just like everyone else you have tried to escape the reality by covering yourself in consolation and warmness." As I let the words of the owl hit my frozen heart, the owl grew in size, and I observed something sinister hiding behind the beaked face. "You are closer to the truth than anybody else", the owl continued without blinking "yet there is still a layer of comfort preventing you from attaining it." The owl soaring over me was now as big as the tree it previously had sit in, and it was suppressing the shining sun, coating the place in darkness. Fear finally struck me, and I scouted the area for escape routes, but walls of snow surrounded me. I was trapped! There was only one way out of this, so I began to unbutton my jacket and let the cold taste my flesh. Soon there was nothing between me and the cold, I could feel the vehemence of it down to my bones, and I looked down to my feet to see my toes bloated and skin covered in frozen blood. Despite my physical weakness I felt mightier than ever "I don't need warmth in my life", I yelled proudly seeing if I got the owls approval, but it was no longer there. I felt my heart beat faster and faster, and the only thing I could see was the pure white snow and the black night sky deprived of any light. My entire body was pulsating, emitting the last piece of warmness in my body, and I yelled once again before I fell down in the snow letting the cold engulf me.