White Lies by Bhaskar Natarajan

White Lies
by Bhaskar Natarajan


'White lies are the key to the success of a marriage, important for a successful career, and an essential requirement for you to move on in life' I said to the wife over dinner.

'What do you mean? You have been lying to me all the time?' replied the wife in anger.

'Please listen to what I said. I said White lies are the key to the success of a marriage, important for a successful career, and an essential requirement for you to move on in life' I repeated. 'There is nothing called white lies. It is either truth or a lie' she retorted.

'No. I meant that we tell small lies almost every other day, if not every day. Remember when we reached my sister's birthday party late? I said, I was held up with work. But you know the real reason. Now, this is a white lie' I said.

I continued. 'Remember when you got a new top and said your friend and you went shopping and she gifted it to you. You later admitted that you had bought it, coz you liked it. I already knew that you had bought it but kept quiet.'

'How did you know I had bought it?' she asked, quite puzzled. 'You have an add-on credit card and I get messages when you use the card. Got it, sweets?' I said. 'God, you are so cheeky and you never told me' she said and pinched my arm. I replied 'you have the option of getting your own card. After all, you work in a bank. But then you would have to pay from your account. This is the price you pay for using my account.'

The dinner became a quiet affair. There was no further talk. We went to sleep that night without the customary goodnight kiss.

Next morning, she was very quiet. We hardly spoke. I knew for sure that something would explode sooner than later.

Rahul Baweja is me. Prakruti Subramanian is my wife of ten years. I work in Gurugram in an IT company and draw a salary that would be the envy of many others in my profession. I met my wife at IIM where we both completed our MBA. My wife works in a sarkari bank, giving away money to people who want to borrow and promise that they will return the money with interest and hoping that they will all return the money with interest. The ten years have been good, very good in fact.

My wife has two very good friends in office. Rukmini is the one she has lunch with. Ishan is the one she has tea in the office canteen every day. As expected, she repeated our last night's conversation to both. At dinner, she told me that Ruk was very angry. How dare he say this? I will today go and ask my husband. Ishan, on the other hand, was quite cool. He said, 'ma'am, I fully agree.'

I tried to douse the fires and said 'forget it, sweets, there is no point in dissecting this further. Let's talk of better things, like which movie shall we go this weekend?'

Little did I know what was in store for me in the coming weeks.

Before going to bed, I checked my FB page. There it was. Rukmini had posted in big, bold letters, in caps, one hour ago: MEN HAVE BEEN LYING TO US ALL THE TIME. This was followed by a red angry emoji, and below that a GIF image of a woman shedding copious tears.

There were already 50 comments in an hour, mostly by women but also by men. Women berating the men and the men lamely trying to defend themselves.

I said to myself- this is it. I showed it to the wife. Luckily for me, she showed scant interest and went to sleep. I knew that this was not going to be the last word on this topic.

By morning, there were over 1000 comments. Friends had reposted on their pages, and this was creating an avalanche of reactions. There were some unprintable comments too!

On the third day, my office boss opened up the topic at lunch. 'Did you guys see FB going crazy on something to do with men lying to women? My daughter who is in the US told me about it. There is this lady who posted about men lying to women and everyone is going crazy taking sides and ofcourse taking potshots at men!' he remarked.

Taking the lead, two ladies chirped in. 'Yes, we saw it too. This is so bad to know that men have been lying all the time' they said almost in unison. 'Don't paint all men with one brush' said my boss. He continued 'ultimately, everyone wants peace and happiness at home, right? So, what's a small non-truth? Don't tell me you ladies haven't done this at all?'

'Nahi, Sir, it is not like that. It all depends on what is the topic. If the son or daughter lies about grades, it is not good. But I agree, we do give excuses, that are not real' said one of the ladies.

'How many times have we given stuck in traffic as the excuse for coming late for meetings? Or pleaded a headache or stomach ache when we went for a movie? Arre, all this is normal. I don't see why all the ladies are going overboard over a small comment made. I am sure this lady who started it must not have got her anniversary gift and the husband may have told a small lie. I can bet you this is the real reason behind this tirade' he said.

The din would not die down. I decided to add to the din. I sent in a Stinger missile. Later that night, I posted in normal font, 'Hey guys, don't get so upset and try to defend us males. Everyone is guilty of this!' I added a winking emoji to the post.

This post took the war to a new level. Guys were finally commenting that this is what the women were to be told. They are not lily white, is what another one said. Pot calling the kettle black, was another comment, with a pic of the kettle, coloured black.

There was no further talk with the wife on this topic. I was very thankful in a way.

A woman's group in Europe came up with #wedon'tlie and asked for women to boldly sign up and post the pics. This was now gathering momentum. I was sorely tempted to form #yesweALLlie, but then just let it go. No point in stoking the fires further. Time for it to die a natural death. But it was not to be.

The Sunday newspaper had a column by the one and only Rupa De. She came down heavily on men, calling them all the names possible that could be printed. She concluded by saying that the world would be better off without the male species! I wondered how her books which were bordering porn, would have sold at all without the male species and the eroticism associated with the actions in and out of the wedrooms (yes, wedrooms)!

There was an avalanche of comments where women for a change, called her out of her mind. Where would we get all our work done, if the men weren't there, they said. We need someone to take the blame, said others. Let's face it, the men have their uses, said some others. It was very funny to stand aside and read all these views!

For the next few days, nothing, silence, as if the storm was brewing. It came very soon.

My office reception called me, one afternoon and said 'there is a lady from Moon TV, and she wants to meet you for 10 minutes, and no, she has no appointment with you for today. I told her that you are busy in meetings.' I said 'ask her to wait for 15 minutes in one of the conference rooms, offer her some tea, coffee and I will see her.'

I walked in 15 minutes later, to see a very attractive young lady, dressed smartly in pants and a formal top and jacket. As I walked in, she got up and said 'hello Mr. Baweja, I am Balwinder from Dainik TV and I apologise, for coming without an appointment, but this was rather urgent and I decided to take my chances.' She offered a visiting card which said her designation was Programming Coordinator.

'Please take a seat, Ms. Balwinder. I am sure I can spare a few minutes for something urgent, as you say' I said. We shook hands.

'I come on behalf of the TV station and specifically from Ms. Jhulka Dutta. I guess Ms. Jhulka does not need an introduction' she said. Her English was good, indicating a convent upbringing. She had her nails painted dark blue, which was an unusual colour. 'Yes, Ms. Jhulka does not need an introduction. Please proceed' I said.

'There has been a recent spate of posts, tweets on the subject of white lies. Being curious, I have also seen several of the comments on this topic. Based on our research department, which looked into the ongoing discussion on white lies, they went through all the posts, etc. and found that Ms. Rukmini and you were the primary two individuals who have started this all. The TV station wishes to do a talk show on the topic of White Lies and Ms. Jhulka thought that it best that we get hold of the two individuals who were at the heart of this issue. Hence, I come on behalf of Ms. Jhulka to invite you to be a part of the talk show, which is scheduled for next week Saturday, evening between 9-10 pm. This show will be broadcast live, and there will be no cuts, edits, or anything of this sort. We believe in giving it straight to the people. We sincerely hope you would accept' she said.

Coffee had meanwhile been served and we both took a minute to sip the coffee and to collect our thoughts.

'This is indeed a nice surprise. I did not realize that an innocuous comment would reach this level! By the way, has Rukmini accepted?' I said.

'I am not aware of Rukmini's acceptance, since someone else has been assigned the task' she said.

'I am used to sitting in the audience and am not quite sure if I want to be the main protagonist. I am sure I will be so nervous that the show will be a damp squib. You always have politicos or industry captains who are used to facing the camera. Aren't you guys taking a big risk by calling two unheard of, unknown names to your show? Tell me, will there be others, other than the two of us? Perhaps some expert on the subject of lies?' I said.

'I guess that's a call for the show producers to take and they have taken the call assuming that the risk is worthwhile! And, no, you two will be the only two persons on the show. We are hoping for some very interesting audience participation. Mr Baweja, please, please do agree to be on the show. I am sure it will be quite exciting' Balwinder replied.

I thought to myself, why not. What did I have to lose? I might make a mess and stammer my way through and they will politely ask me to leave.

'Ok, if you are prepared to stake the reputation of your show on me, I am game' I said.

'Thank you, Mr. Baweja. Please reach an hour early for you to be familiar with some of the operating details. Here is the formal invitation' saying this, Balwinder handed me an engraved invitation card. I was suitably surprised to see my name along with Ms. Jhulka. Clearly, they had pretty much concluded that I would not refuse.

'I have a request. Knowing that I am going to be centre stage for possibly the only time in my life, I will get requests from family and friends to be a part of the audience. I would need a dozen special passes for my parents and my in-laws and for a few select friends. I do hope this would be possible' I said.

'Yes, this is possible. I will put in your request. Please request them to reach the venue atleast half hour early, if they want some good seats. OK, then Mr. Baweja, look forward to seeing you next Saturday' replied Balwinder.

We shook hands, and she left. I returned to my office, still not believing at what happened. I turned my chair towards the glass wall, stared at the cityscape, and went into a dream of what I would say. I called my wife, who thought I was joking.

I had to repeat it thrice for her to know it was for real. I told her that this is a good reason to go shopping. Not that she needed an excuse, but this was as good as any. After all, it is not everyday that you will be on the front row of the audience at a national TV talk show.

She called back in ten minutes and literally screamed on the phone. 'You know what, Rukmini has also been invited to the show. You both will be the stars that day! Rukmini has already told me to tell you not to make any funny comments and put her in a spot. You better not do that. Oh, I don't have anything to wear. Come early, and let's go shopping and not wait till the last moment' said my wife.

My mom and dad got into an argument trying to decide who was responsible for their 'intelligent' son, who is now on the road to becoming famous. My in-laws took pride in selecting the right groom for their daughter. One thing common was that everyone decided to go shopping for the occasion.

I took the Friday off and scoured the net for all guidance on speaking at talk shows. I practiced speaking in front of the mirror at home and hoped that I would score some brownie points with the audience. I wrote down some key points on my mobile. If someone said I was nervous, they would be spot on. I hoped that Rukmini was in an equally desperate situation.

D-day! The wife was dressed to kill in a pink chiffon saree with a blouse that would certainly call for staring. For me, she had chosen a dark violet silk shirt, with cream coloured chinos. She insisted on my wearing a new Nike pair rather than the staid old Hush Puppies.

Ishan was given charge of taking photographs and videos with his hi-tech iPhone! The family set out early, as if to a wedding. We were duly received at the reception by Balwinder, who led the family to the auditorium, and took me to the make-up room to make me TV ready. I noticed that Rukmini was already there, looking gorgeous in a green Anarkali suit, and was getting help from two other ladies. One assistant walked up to me and said he would need to touch up my face. He also said that this is usual practice for all talk show persons.

Rukmini and I went into another room, where Ms. Jhulka was getting instructions from her producer about commercial breaks and the time table. She made us sit and then addressed us. 'Welcome to the Jhulka Dutt show! Thank you for coming. If you don't mind, may I give you both some basic do's and don'ts' she said.

After the make-up was over, Rukmini and I were taken to the briefing room. Ms. Jhulka came in and asked for coffee and tea. She said 'since this is the first time for you on a show, we try to follow a certain order in the proceedings. After the welcome and a statement about today's topic, both of you will get 3 minutes for your opening remarks. Then we let the topic loose on the audience and hope they take off! I will moderate if things go out of control. Good luck both!'

We then walked into the auditorium on to the stage. I was sure that rats were eating up my insides. Ms. Jhulka was in the middle and holding our hands. She raised our hands and said 'good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the show that brings families together in front of the television. While the show doesn't need an introduction, a few words about our special invitees to the show.'

Saying this, she walked us to the sofas on the stage. We were seated in a triangle in such a way that we could see the audience and they could see us.

Ms. Jhulka began 'two sentences about the two famous personalities. Mr. Baweja works in the IT sector and Ms. Rukmini works in a bank. But they are here because of their posts on a topic which we all are guilty of- white lies! The entire social community was gripped by the subject. Passions were raised. There were large numbers saying white lies is a necessary evil. Women also turned this to an anti- male topic. This channel is for the youth to voice their opinions and here we are. Give them a big hand.' The entire audience responded enthusiastically.

As it quietened, Ms. Jhulka said 'we are quite informal here, so my preference is for talking on a first name basis. Please call me Jhulka. Tell us, Rahul, how did this begin?'

'It began when my wife asked me to tell my friend whose birthday party we were going to, to say my work was the reason for the delay. I have done this many times and I am sure many guys here would have done the same. After all, what's a white lie for my wife! As we were leaving, I made this comment and said that after a point, nobody believes me. The matter ended there. As usual, notes were exchanged at the office the next day. Rukmini and my wife are great friends and this came up. Rukmini had her point of view and she went public and the rest, as they say, is history!' I remarked.

'Rukmini, your turn' said Ms. Jhulka.

'When my friend told me this at lunchtime, I was mad, who's this guy to make such a statement. Is he God? The terrible part was that my friend was least worried. She took this as a part of daily life. I confronted my husband and he also agreed with Rahul. I said to myself that all men are not grateful for the hard work we women do keeping the home going. They only find faults. I decided to do something about it. I posted on FB and all of you know what happened after that. To compound matters, Rahul had to put his post. Open war was declared' said Rukmini.

Ms. Jhulka said 'what a perfect opening! Now, it's over to you, tell us what is your response, comments and anything. But please one at a time and do mind your language. Now, who is taking the first shot?'

The auditorium erupted. Everyone started speaking at the same time.

Men are liars.

Men have always used women.

Women have always the upper hand.

We women don't need men.

Men have kept women under their thumbs.

Men are screwed up.

Women need to know their place.

Ms. Jhulka got up, waved her hands for some order and pleaded for the audience to quieten down.

'The mood of the audience is noted. This topic is still raising tempers. Now, here's what I ask. I want each one to tell us one white lie you said and whether you would repeat it. Ok, who will start?' she said.

Silence for a full minute.

Finally, one young lady got up and said 'I bought a dress on sale and asked my husband for the full price to be given to me. No, I haven't done it again and will not repeat it.'

Clapping for her honesty!

One guy got up and said 'for sometime, I inflated the price of vegetables and pocketed the difference. This was many years ago and I am not happy I did that.'

Rahul suddenly stood up and said 'that is not a white lie. It is downright cheating, stealing. Let's not get confused between the two.'

Ms. Jhulka said 'I agree. This is not a white lie. Come on, others!'

One guy got up and said 'I work as a manager and I am tired of listening to traffic excuses. I have stopped believing in this. I have never given this excuse and have simply apologised when I am late.'

Clapping again.

Rukmini said 'but seriously, there is a traffic problem. You never know when it will hit you.'

The same guy got up and said 'can you give this excuse to the airline? They don't listen. So, we build it in our plan and leave two hours early.'

Ms. Jhulka asked Rukmini 'tell us one white lie, Rukmini.'

'I did not want to go for an office party and gave the excuse that my husband was unwell. I knew this was a bad one, but I did it anyway. I never told my husband this, and I am sure when we get home, there would some trouble for me. Sorry, hubby, but I have never repeated this' said Rukmini and she waved towards her husband.

Ms. Jhulka said 'I am requesting the husband to forgive Rukmini, please!'

Ms. Jhulka asked 'All those who lied about their grades in school, please raise your hands.'

Several hands went up. 'I note that there are more guys with raised hands. Is there a meaning to this?'

I said 'aren't the women telling a white lie here and now?'

One lady got up and said 'Mr. Rahul, by nature, women are more truthful than men. More men have been caught in corruption in the country as compared to the women. In fact, my guess is that women possibly account for less than 10% as compared to the men. Some years back, Railways in Mumbai employed women in their ticketing counters to reduce the corruption and it was proved that the touts did have a bad time getting premium tickets.'

Clapping again, with three cheers for the women, as the women chorused.

Ms. Jhulka asked 'do you ever see a situation where there would be no white lies?'

Rukmini said 'it is an ideal situation and we must work towards this. But we have been giving into this habit for such a long time that I believe that it will be a long time for this to come about.'

One young lady got up and said 'let us remember that we do tell white lies at times to avoid hurt. How many times have the husbands said the food cooked by the wife is yummy, tasty. I think it is harmless.'

Next was a guy who said 'I am going to be bashed up by the women, but this has been happening so often that I am only stating the obvious. I am referring to the oft asked question by the women, when they wear a new dress or are getting dressed for an occasion- how do I look darling? And we all know what is the answer given.' He was booed down and he said 'there, I told you.'

Another guy got up and said 'can you tell our politicians not to lie? Their entire life and career depends on how well they can lie and get away with it? Any answer, Jhulka?'

Ms. Jhulka pointed to Rukmini and me and asked 'it is your show guys, what do you say?'

Rukmini said 'politicians are a necessary evil in our lives. We have to choose between the devil and the deep sea. Let's move for a change. The politicians will only learn by a law that threatens to take away their seats. I trust this will be how we should go!'

I said 'my suggestion is that we keep this as a topic for a future Jhulka show. If the move gains momentum, then they will get caught up. This might become a plank for elections, who knows?'

At this, one of the guys got up and literally shouted 'let's dump all the politicians in the Bay of Bengal!'

As he was booed down, another guy said 'let's not pollute the Bay of Bengal!'

Ms. Jhulka had to step in and said 'order, order, we are getting carried away. Let's stick to the topic of the day!'

This time another young lady got up and said 'Ms. Jhulka, you have heard all our white lies. Tell us about when you said a white lie and if you were caught or you got away?'

Ms. Jhulka looked very thoughtful for a while and said 'please remember that I am on my job and you expect me to confess? I might lose my job, then? Anyway, there was this time, I was seeing two guys and I had to tell a white lie almost every weekend for two months, to one of them so I could see the other. I was either unwell or had an aunt who was visiting. I don't think I was caught out, I don't know. But both of them weren't my types, so the story ended there. I trust there are many in the audience who have done this! Show of hands please?' Several hands went up.

Ms. Jhulka continued 'if we all put aside one rupee for every white lie we said, just from this audience, I am sure I will collect atleast 10,000 rupees! I hope the income tax fellows aren't listening, else, they will claim tax deduction on this as well. Ok, guys and gals, so where do we go from here?'

I said 'Jhulka, this has been a great show. I believe that everyone has been honest beyond expectations. We live a life based on trust. Trust that the airline pilot is not drunk, trust that the doctor I visit is not a quack or fake. Trust that the architect builds a safe building. If I lose this faith, life would become impossible. After some time, the other party just gives up and gets used to these daily lies. The phrases "taqdeer" "sar pe likha hai" are often used to justify the attitude. Life loses its meaning, if this happens. Full marks to Rukmini for bringing this out in the open. What was a flippant off the cuff remark, became a full-blown people's issue. We live in a time when social media is used to rightly or wrongly shame people for their wrong doings, and puts those on a pedestal for going beyond their call for duties. It is high time that we stand together to bring this habit to a stop. Jhulka and her producers are to be credited for taking this head-on. Let's all stand together and resolve NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES!'

As I said the last line, I slowly walked to the front of the stage and raised my hand with a closed fist.

Jhulka and Rukmini walked up front and Jhulka took both our hands and raised in and shouted 'NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES! Come on everyone!'

The entire audience stood up and raised their hands and shouted 'NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES! NO WHITE LIES!'

'Stop this nonsense' shouted one guy at the end of the hall. He got up and walked towards the stage. He was a big guy, dressed in a colourful T-shirt, with tattoos all over his arm. He had a fancy hairstyle, with one half of his head shaved, and the other half having hair which was standing vertical. 'But for lies, do you think there will be happiness around? If I said the truth all the time, there would be fights, arguments and even violence and murder. Everyone needs their space even if it meant hiding it from people. People get shot at and killed for minor things like parking and for not serving tea or biryani. What are you guys talking? You must be out of your minds, to listen to all this junk' and kept walking as he continued talking.

As he neared the steps to the stage, three burly safari suited guys came from the side and blocked him from moving ahead.

'Get out of my way. This guy up there needs to be taught a lesson' and he moved to push the guys away. They formed a wall and said 'sir, please stop and sit down.'

Ms. Jhulka intervened and said 'sir, please complete what you wish to say, but please talk from where you are.'

'Lies are a part of everyday life. No one can order me to stop lying. Say YES to lies, guys, come one say it' and he turned towards the audience.

There was pin drop silence.

I decided to intervene. 'Let us for a moment agree that this gentleman has a point. I need my drink in the evening and hence will lie about more work at the office. I need to have my affair and hence will lie to my wife about a trip that is not official. But for how long will these lies go on? They will soon be caught out and then let me assure you, there will be murder, there will be families destroyed. The happiness is temporary before the storm hits. Then what, I ask?' I said.

I continued 'being honest and being truthful is the only way to live. You can sleep well at night. There is no two ways to this. It has to be NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES, NO LIES. Come on everyone, once again NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES, NO LIES.' I once again raised my hand.

As the audience stood up, this gentleman was led away through the side door. The audience stood up and raised their hands and shouted 'NO WHITE LIES, NO LIES! NO WHITE LIES!'

Jhulka said 'thank you, Narayan and thank you everyone for making this resolve. May God bless you all!'

Jhulka said 'and now for a small formality, I am going to call upon our show sponsor, the Sheraton Hotels to say a few words!'

As per the Sheraton tradition, in walked a smartly suited gentleman who came forward and said 'My name is John Statham, Vice President, from Sheraton Hotels. Today has been a watershed day, when such a big decision has been taken. I too join in this resolve. On behalf of Sheraton, I have pleasure in giving both Rukmini and Rahul an all- expense paid holiday for a weekend for two, at any of the Sheraton properties in India. We are extremely grateful to Rukmini and Rahul for today's show.'

Saying this, he handed over an envelope to Rukmini and me, shook hands, and we all posed for a group photograph.

Jhulka said 'Thank you guys and gals, thank you for coming! Until the next show then, bye!'

There was the usual air kissing as we all moved towards the back stage.

Rukmini and I thanked Jhulka and left to meet our respective families.

As we walked out, Rukmini said 'Rahul, it was very nice of you to give me the credit. But the credit goes to you for having started this all. I believe that there is a lot more about you that I would like to know. I come to know little by little through Prakruti. Do you want to get together for coffee one of these days? Also, if you and Prakruti agree, I would like the four of us to take this holiday together. What say?'

'Done deal, for both the coffee and the holiday, Rukmini. By the way, you are looking gorgeous in this suit. It goes well on you!' I said.

By then we had come out and our respective families had surrounded us. My wife and I went to Rukmini and her husband and we all shook hands. 'Your husband is a great guy, Prakruti. Did you see how he managed that guy at the end? He had the audience eating out of his hands' said Rukmini.

'But at home, Rukmini, the situation is quite the opposite. Where do you think I learned all this from?' I said, and gave a hug to my wife.

'Remember your promise, Narayan' said Rukmini and before my wife's shocked look, Rukmini and her husband walked away.

I said to myself 'two white lies coming up!'