following a teenage boy after suicide, we see life after death. Chptr1 |
CHAPTER ONE Maybe it’s because my life had been less than kosher. Maybe It’s because I had no family and so few friends. I’m not sure. The question seemed important, and I had no actual answer. I didn’t find my reaction odd, or unusual even. I mean, I try not to question myself or look for a motive. I act completely instinctual, I go with whatever emotion or action most desperately demands my attention. So, no, I didn’t find it odd that I couldn’t seem to pick an answer from my brain. But this time, my lack of explanation unnerved me. It’s very annoying. I mean, even if I did have an answer I wouldn't tell her. But still. It got under my skin. So instead what I did question was why this stranger cared so much. What about me piqued their interest so much for them to demand these thoughts of me? I looked to the face of my aggressor and sneered at her expectant expression. I didn’t owe this person anything, what made her think she earned such a personal explanation? I looked her over, this time with my eyes open, and sized her up. She was thin and only came to about my shoulders, but I was tall. She looked about an average 5’6. She had a heart shaped face and wore her hair in moderate golden ringlets. She had brown eyes, the type that usually charmed any normal person into confiding in them. You see, I wasn’t a normal guy though. You could tell she had one of those bubbly personalities that every guy seemed attracted to and everyone enjoyed being around, but, honestly, it just annoyed the hell out of me. She raised her painted on brows and gave, what I guess was supposed to be an encouraging smile. I scoffed. Was she honestly expecting an answer, even if I had had one? I pushed passed her, to her apparent shock, and strode off into the crowd of lost souls. Alternating my eyes between the charred ground and straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone. Out of a momentary fit of curiosity, I glanced back at the average girl and almost laughed in my surprize. She had a black mark smeared across her back; the same mark I, and many others, bore. And then I did allow myself a small, sadistic grin at the irony of it. She had seemed so delicate and innocent, so breakable. Who pissed her off enough to have made her condemn herself to hell? Maybe it was just a lifetime of sins and small bad doings. I don't know. She had seemed like Heaven material to me. You know, One of those genuinely kind people. I found it funny actually. I turned my humored gazed back to the task at hand, and once again began sorting my way through the now crowded beach we were all marooned on, on my way to find a new place to stand. After a few strides I gave up my hopeless mission of looking for a vacant piece of beach and just settled for where I stood. There were so many people. It felt like I was being swallowed by the chaos of the mass. So many dead and damned. Some cried out, some looked to the black sky and gravelled for forgiveness, some kept to themselves in a quiet remorse. Some even took to trying to rub the black marks off their backs like mad men, to no avail. And still, Some stood with desperation in their teary eyes and watched the white marks mill around, not seeing the person really just the bold bright pendant on their chests. Even those marked white with the promise that some Heaven awaited them stood dazed and teary eyed mourning the loss of their lives. The elder of those marked white stood patiently and strongly, some even wore broad smiles. Kinda managed to creep me out. These were probably the ones that had been stuck and forgotten in some crumbling nursing home that couldn't wait for the promise of death. There were people of all ages here. Some too young, some ancient. Of course all of the younger ones were marked white. some might have argued that I was young to be here, I would have been 19 this year. I didn't care. I was indifferent. I looked around me at all of the raw emotions and just stood there in the midst of the tumultuous chaos, bored. I stood bored and empty, impatiently almost. A void of any emotion. But I wasn’t the kind of empty of the man that stood across from me with blank, lifeless(No pun intended) eyes. It seemed to me as if his hair was almost void of color as well, one of those dull, bleak shades of brown. He looked tore apart, like he had died long before his heart had stopped beating. I wasn't empty because I had no other choice, like the colorless man. I wasn’t numb because if I wasn't, I’d lose my sanity; or because of some big sense of guilt. I was simply numb because it was easier than wearing feelings and emotions. That’s all. That simple. I didn't just shut down one day in occurrence to anything. I choose to be this way. Speaking of choices, I looked to the ground; choosing to keep my gaze there. I’m tired of looking upon the pathetic misery in which I stood in the midst of. This island mystified me. I was never a religious person, but I knew enough of the story book religions to get by. And I also knew the Bible spoke nothing of this damned beach. Rather than sand, the ground was made of some type of black rock. Well, honestly, i'm not entirely sure if it was even rock. Sickly looking green waves beat at the shores from all directions. There was no forage, you could see shore to shore. I didn't know in which religion, if any, to place this lapse. There was no sun. I’m not sure where the light was coming from, because the sky was black with few ominous, stagnant grey clouds that were only the least bit of a shade lighter than their black backdrop. Yet, I could see perfectly. I knew most about Christianity, probably due to all those persistent bible thumpers that had already predicted my going to hell, and i'm sorry to say they did get a few things right. There was a “Heaven”, a place for the good; and a “Hell”, a place for people like me. I grinned at the thought. It wasn’t that I thought I was all that bad. I really wasn’t, maybe my actions said otherwise, but honestly. I had morals. It’s just most times I didn’t use them, and their disuse didn’t particularly trouble me. I didn’t feel like pondering myself though, so I broke my resolution to keep my eyes to the ground, and took to looking around me once again. The island was filling up. It was almost time for whatever was going to happen to happen. I was one of the first here, so I got the joy and privilege of standing here for what felt like ever, waiting on all these bodies to trickle in. To my understanding, this is just a big holding pen, the place to shove all of us while some higher power sorted us through. Just like cattle or any other animal. Because in reality, that’s all we were. Animals. Some new animals joined us I just realized. I say animals because, in all reality, I have no idea what to entitle them. I have never seen anything like them. Animals, things, I just don’t know. These strange creatures were fucked. They have skin that was more hide than flesh, the head shape was human, but with horns, the lower half tapered to hooves, and they had some massive wings. They were terrifying. There was only about a dozen of them, all spread out through us. Just littered here and there. I felt bad for who they were near, good thing most people were so absorbed in there own pity to notice. Crazy how they didn’t seem to notice. It’s not like they were short, or hard to miss. And i’m pretty tall, they were taller than most humans. Those that did were gathering into segregated groups. The creatures were yelling at them I think. I couldn’t be sure, I wasn’t near one. But they were making their way this way, unfortunately. So, I was about to find out first-hand. |