Cavalry - Chapter 1. Rough Start

So there I was – sitting in this chair, waiting to be scolded for a crime I did not commit, under orders from a government I did not serve, my future all depending on a woman I did not know. Not exactly how I like to spend my afternoon.

My therapist – judge would have been a more appropriate description under the circumstances – sat in her chair, looking at me with those innocent, blue eyes.
She was a little over fifty years old, according to her biography, but didn’t look a day over forty. The good-looking, Hollywood forty, not the everyday, mundane one. I might even had found her attractive, was I not busy worrying about my future.

You know, it’s funny – it’s not like anyone on Earth could have forced me to be here. At least not by force. But if I don’t answer to the call of the people, if I dismiss all authority and put myself above the law, then am I not the monster they all feared I was? The thought laid heavy on me, as I nervously played with my fingers.

„So?” She asked, an encouraging smile shining on her face.

„The irony is not lost on me, doc”. I laid back on the couch. „Strongest man on Earth, and here I am, asking for approval, like a kid on his exams.”

„Is that why you’ve decided to come here? For approval?”

„We both know the answer. The government wants to silence people’s fears, and for that, they hired a professional to see if I’m fucked in the head or not. So yes, I’m here for approval.”

She crossed her legs and fumbled around with her glasses. „So, was it not for the government, would you have decided not to come?”

The question surprised me.

„Of course not.” I replied. „Why would I?”

„I don’t know… Maybe you might feel the need to talk about what happened in New York.”

„You mean what happened in Chicago.”

„Yes.” Her smile was soft like silk and her eyes promised redemption. I know it’s silly to say, considering I’m pretty much unharmable, but somehow, I felt a whole new kind of safety around her. I’ve had atomic bombs detonated in my face, I was thrown into a star, I was pummeled by alien monsters, and none of those things ever hurt me. I did not think I could be hurt, to be honest. But this, this was different. Ever since New York, I felt… unsure of myself.
Kind of a new feeling for someone who always knew what he was worth.

„What happened in Chicago was truly tragic.” I added. „But it’s part of the job. We can’t save everyone all the time. That’s nothing new.”

„So you had people die on you before?”

Her words felt like fire, burning me inside. I think I accidently flinched, I felt that uncomfortable with the thought.

„Not exactly.” I admitted. „Not like this. Not a whole city.”

Her eyes were sanctuary. The way she looked at me, it somehow reminded me of a loved one embracing me in their arms.

„What did it feel like?” She asked, leaning on her forearms.

I drew a deep breath, as if I was drowning. As if I even could.

„It caught me… off guard. One moment, I thought I had everything under control, the next… I heard all those screams, the explosion, the cries…”

„You must not be used to this.”

„I sure as hell am not!” I let out a bitter laugh. „I’m called Cavalry for a reason! I’m the guy they call when worst comes to worst, because they know that I always get things done. But this time… For all my power… I didn’t… I couldn’t…”

My voice slipped. I felt overwhelmed, I did not know, what to say. She seemed to sense my weakness.

„Do you feel guilty?”

I resented the question. „Why should I? I did, what could be done.”

„Yet I feel as if you’re holding yourself accountable.”

„What makes you say that?”

Her face turned serious. „Because you’re here…”

Her words hit me harder than they should have. „I’m here because of the government, nothing more.”

„If you say so.”

Therapists. Always saying one thing and meaning another.

„You don’t believe me?” I asked.

„Why?”

„Because you sound like you don’t believe me.”

She leaned forward towards me. „I just think, that what you went through, would leave anyone shaken, superhero or not. You might be the strongest man on the planet, Cavalry, but even you have a heart. And sometimes, hearts do bleed.”

„Do you need to call me that?”

„What?”

„Cavalry.”

„What else should I call you?”

I paused for a moment. After all, secret identities existed for a reason, but somehow, if only for that moment, I felt that I could trust her. Technically, everything I told her was confidential, but with the government involved, you can never know…

„Alex.” I said. „My name is Alex.”

„Alex”. She whispered. „Why don’t you want me to call you by your superhero name, Alex?”

„I just don’t. Must there always be a reason?”

She smiled again. „I find that there’s a reason for everything. Sometimes more complex than it first appears.”

„What are you trying to say?”

„I think, that maybe the reason why you reject your superhero name is because of its meaning…”

„Okay, you’ve got to be more specific…”

„Cavalry. It means you’re the one who comes in our darkest hour to save us, when others couldn’t. But in Chicago, you couldn’t be that person. And now the name rings bitter in your ears.”

„Okay, doc, that’s really stretching it”.

„Is it?” She asked. „Why else would you rather use your real name?”

„I have my reasons.”

„You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

„There’s nothing to tell.” I insisted.

She gave me a serious, long, silent look. „Do you find it hard to trust people?” „I’m a superhero, doc. Half the planet wants to kill me, and the other half is currently thinking that I probably want to kill them… Trust is a rare currency in my business…”

She looked at me with a worried expression on her face.

„Do you at least trust me?”

I snorted.

„All I know of you is that your name is Alexandra Green, and that you have past experience with treating other supers.” I looked at her with a grim smile on my face. „Trust at this point is a bit much to ask for, don’t you agree?”

She appeared to be disappointed by my words. Her eyes gazed downwards, as she started to write some notes down.

„So am I nuts or not?”

She smiled again. „I’m not dealing in absolutes.”

„Okay, so what now?”

She placed her pen inside her notepad, and put them both in her lap, then she leaned towards me. „What would you like to do?”

„Must you answer every question with a question?”

„Only if you never give me any answers of your own.” She smiled.

„Hah.” I gasped. „So this isn’t going to be a one-time deal, huh?”

„I think not.”

„Not sure, what you’re looking for, doc.”

„I’m not the one who needs answers.” She said, then took up her pen and calendar. „So, is next Monday good for you? 4PM?”

I leaned back into the couch and ran my hands through my hair. „Sure. Whatever you say. I’ll be here, unless I’ve got to save the world. Again.”
I got up, shook hands with her, and walked out of her office. With me came a feeling of unease. She’s not the one needing answers. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

„We’re sure off to a rough start…” I whispered to myself, then took to the skies.