Secret Admirer

To Whom it May Concern,

It's been going on for so long I can't even remember the first day it started happening. At first I was excited by this unexpected gift anonymously placed on my desk. A perfect chocolate chip cookie, wrapped in a neat little cling wrap package with a bow. It reminded me of something my grandmother would've packed in my lunch as an extra "I love you, now don't call me to come get you again because I know you're not really sick..." treat. I had almost as much fear and anxiety when I started this job as I did back then. Almost, but not quite. So at first I was excited, wondering if this little gift was from a secret admirer? maybe someone who appreciated something kind that I had done for them and wanted to thank me? I stood up to look around above my dreary cubicle, to no avail. At the time, I didn't know I would be carrying out this ritual every day.

It didn't take long to dawn on me that the intentions behind this cookie may not be altogether good. Maybe I had some sort of stalker trying to send me a message. I began to become paranoid, but K said not to worry. He's got it all under control. Of course this is easy for him to say because I only see him on the weekends when we do our projects, but I trust him because he's never lied to me before. Even when mom wasn't there anymore and Grandma told me we couldn't be together anymore, K was there for me. Still, there are no cookies on the weekends, only in the outside time of work.

So on it went, Monday through Friday, every day there was a workday. The cookies became less interesting but no less delicious. Sometimes there'd be peanut butter, other times snicker doodle, sometimes really fancy ones like toffee. It eventually got to the point that I was taking the cookies for granted. Until today. today was different. When I got to work today there was no cookie, just a small box with a letter neatly attached with a ribbon. At first I didn't know why but the letter attached with the box explained everything, and I think it will for You as well...


Dear Leonard,

It's about time we were together for good. I am tired of only seeing you on the weekends and I'm tired of having to share your time with the outside. The cookies are to help put a little bit of ourselves back together. You may or may not have tasted all the people we sent away in them, the ashes can be pretty strong sometimes (I thought the snicker doodles seemed a little strange??), but their essence now lives within you to remind you of all we have done together. I hope you enjoyed them, and I hope the gift with this note reminds you of how much I love you. I'll be seeing you very soon, and we won't have to be apart again.

Love always,
K

When I opened the box I wasn't surprised to find the pictures we had taken. There was the girl from the truck stop, with her mouth wide open and her eyes sewn shut. We did that because we didn't want her to see but we wanted to use her mouth. There was the man who lived in the alley behind the dumpster next to my apartment. K told me to bring this one because he spoke to me during outside days about wanting to do things to my privates for heroin. K didn't like that, he said it was inappropriate. There were dozens of others over the years, so many I had almost forgotten about some of them. There was the boy we met at the nightclub with the pretty rainbow flags out front of it. That's what made K and I curious enough to go inside, it was so beautiful! We got a lot of attention from men there, which made me feel really good but K said that was the Devil working on me so we had to show him that we didn't want his sin interfering in our lives. K said all of the people we met were the Devil working on me. I didn't want this one from the dance club to go because he made my privates tingle when he kissed me and I liked how he touched me with his hands. He had really soft hands. That made K really angry, so we had to work on this project longer than the other ones. When I told K I felt a little sad he told me he didn't want to see me again for a long time, and I cried and cried. That was the last one we worked on.

It's been a long time since our last project, I guess that's why K left me the letter and the cookies. We'll never really be apart and that's why I know what we have to do. When you find this letter, I will (fingers crossed!) be splattered on the sidewalk outside my office building. I hope K and I can see what that looks like because eight stories is a long way up and seeing our body explode would be really cool. I'm sorry about all the vomit on my desk, I don't know what came over me but suddenly I felt like I needed to throw up after I read the letter, and I didn't really know where to go. Everything you need to know about our projects will be in the box- the pictures, some of the teeth, some id's, credit cards, jewelry, stuff like that. Don't worry about notifying my family, the only one left who might remember me is K and he's obviously going with me.

Regards,
Leonard.