i will never say these words to you but here they are. |
you seem to think. you seem to think that my body is yours for the taking. to be used and taken and violated however you see fit whenever it's convenient for you. and I let you. you made me think that my body was not my own that what i wanted didn't matter that i was yours and you could do what you wanted with this body that isn't yours. and I believed you. i let you hurt me. break me. use me. stain me. because i thought there was no other choice. i trusted you. put my life in your hands told you everything all of my secrets anything i thought you wanted to hear. i was putty in your hands. you scared me. i was afraid. afraid of what would happen if i let you have your way. afraid of what would happen if i spoke up, said no, told someone. i'm still afraid. if you tried again, it'd end the same way. with me bowing down obeying your every word. letting the fear win. letting you have your way. i'm going to get hurt but the difference is if I let it happen it'll be mental. if I try and stop it, say no, speak up, it will be physical. and i'd rather be hurting on the inside than have physical reminders of what i did. that i disobeyed you. someone who has no right to control me. that i used my voice. that i realized my body is not a toy to be played with. to be thrown around and discarded at your convenience. but i let you take it. and if i had to choose to let it happen again or to let someone else be taken, i would do it again. -i am still afraid of you. i want to run when you fall into my vision. but i will never give you the satisfaction of knowing how scared i really am. |