Just A Day at the Dentist's.

Cramp prompt: Use the following words in a story or poem: goose; artichoke; television; pencil; dentist

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"Hmmmm," said the dentist, thoughtfully. "Could you hold on a moment? I need to get a pencil. Must write all this down. Yes, yes, I'm back now. So ... you were saying ... yes, yes, um ... watching Masterchef on television ... yes, yes, the show was called what? Ah. Cook the artichoke or have your goose cooked ... very nice title for a Masterchef episode ... sorry, sorry, not being flippant, go on, please go on, I'm writing it all down ..."

Half an hour later, he hung up the receiver. He had never had an odder call. The caller, Mrs. Frinzpani, was, at age 86, his oldest patient. She had known him since he was this high, as she was fond of reminding him, and had often changed his diapers, when he had worn diapers, that is. It had been a while now.

Anyway, Mrs. Frinzpani had claimed to have been watching an artichoke episode on TV when ... she had felt something stirring in her upper dentures ... had pulled them out ... to find ...

Here, the dentist consulted his notes again. Mrs. Frinzpani had found an artichoke plant growing in her dentures. A real, live one. She was coming right over to show them to him, as soon as she could get that good-for-nothing grandson of hers, Geoffrey, to drive her over.

The dentist was just wondering whether to brew himself a strong cup of coffee, when the doorbell rang. He opened the door.

"Ah, there you are. That good-for-nothing grandson of mine is parking the car, don't close the door yet. That boy takes five minutes to park the car and walk from the drive-way to the front door, he does. You young people nowadays. Changed all your diapers, I have."

"Yes, Grandma," said Geoffrey, stepping up behind the little old lady and steering her gently over the threshold. "Now, show Dr. Nandavar your dentures."

"Ventures? What ventures?"

"Your false teeth, Grandma, the ones that have plants growing in them."

"Ah yes, show them to him, Geoffrey."

"Me? I don't have them."

"You don't? Where's my umbrella?"

"Grandma, there's no umbrella."

"Well, then, this will do." The little old lady took a file from the dentist's table, gripped it firmly sideways and started whacking her grandson's bottom with it.

"OW GRANDMA!"

"Didn't - oof - bring -- oof -- my - oof - false - oof - teeth!" the old lady said, punctuating the words with whacks. "Should've left you with your dirty diapers on, that's what. Spoilt you, I did."

The dentist rescued his file.

"So ... um ... the teeth aren't here?" he asked.

"No, they aren't, thanks to this - this - excuse for a -"

"Grandma! You didn't tell me I was supposed to bring them!"

"Well, what else are you here for, you - you -"

"Grandma, I'm your chauffeur. I didn't know I was the tooth fairy as well."

"Anyway, you drive right back and get those teeth, now! I'll wait for you here, or this dentist will close up for the day."

She perched herself on the side of the sofa. Geoffrey and the dentist exchanged looks, raised an eyebrow each, shrugged a shoulder each and then Geoffrey left.

"Would you like some coffee?" Dr. Nandavar asked his patient.

"No. Never drunk that junk in my life. Give me some good, strong brandy if you will. That Geoffrey, he's got me all riled up."

"I don't keep brandy in the clinic."

"Not even for medicinal purposes?"

"No, Mrs. Frinzpani, not even for medicinal purposes. Hallo, what are you doing back?"

"They were in the car," Geoffrey declared, grinning. "The false teeth.were in the car Grandma, you brought them after all."

"Of course I did. What did you expect, boy?"

"Let me see ..."

Dr. Nandavar took the box, unscrewed the lid and took the teeth out with his gloved hand. He examined them closely. Sure enough, there was an artichoke plant growing there.

"Um. Most extraordinary. Now, Mrs. Frinzpani -- when did you last eat artichoke?"

"Well, that would be ... ten days ago, I think."

"Well, then, this artichoke plant has nothing to do with the Masterchef episode. The seed was lodged in your teeth, and the plant grew. Haven't you been cleaning your teeth lately?"

The two men looked sternly at the little old woman on the sofa.

"Grandma?" they chorused. "Haven't you been cleaning your teeth lately?"

Mrs. Frinzpani had the grace to blush.

"Well, I won't tell anyone about both your diapers if you won't tell them about my teeth," she finally said.

The deal was struck, and everyone in the story lived happily ever after.