Afterlife (Chapters 5-8)

Five.

The soft glow a morning light started to warm my face, reminding me of the new room my...uh, former body was moved to. There was an orange glow behind my eyelids, probably caused by the warm and bright sun shining through the open, cut-out window. The rustling of the leaves was still there from last night, but there was also a musical sound, along with the rustling; faint yet almost like it was begging for attention.

I opened my eyes and was faced with a small face, one that didn’t look like anything I’ve seen before. The face belonged to a small creature, with miniature, thin legs, and with a plump, almost round body. It didn’t have a mouth but rather...an outward triangular opening that served as a mouth. The small creature was perched on the edge of the window where the inside and outside meet.

Was it passive? It didn’t seem to be aggressive in any way but...who knows what the little creature could do. With caution in mind, I slowly sat up, as to not disturb or agitate it. The thing did jump back a bit on the edge but otherwise didn’t move.

“What are you?” It just kept staring.

The same musical sound from before sounded again, but it came from somewhere among the leaves of the surrounding branches. The creature responded to the sound by looking at the direction where it might’ve came from, and...just flew there! A pair of...wings came from its plump body and it just...whoosh!

The sound that called the creature started up again, but it was more...of a multitude of sounds; like there were more of whatever made the sound...well making it. It sounded like a chatter, almost a conversation among the little creatures, if they were the ones making the noise. It sounded...comforting; I laid my head against the headboard of the bed, closed my eyes, and just listened to the chatter from the little creatures.

They didn’t go back and forth like we do, but rather overlapping each other...is there some creature like this back on Earth? I’m sure there is…

“WAKEY WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY!”

“GAH! Wha-what in tarnation!?”

Evan stood at the doorway, the knob of the door in one hand as he held the door open, the other against the doorframe. And he obviously had that big, stupid grin on his face, his quiet self from last night all gone. While he was all energetic, I was slower to get myself together, after the calming moment I had with the musical, winged creatures; I made a mental note to ask Leo what they were if I couldn’t find the name for them.

“Come on, time to get up sleepy head!” He might as well start banging pots together for the noise he gave.

“Hey, not all of us sleep like a child and wake as one too!”

“Well look at you! You know what a child is!”

“Yeah, and I’m looking at one,” I retorted.

With my calm demeanor gone due to a certain child, I jumped out of the comfort from the land of covers, pillows, and soft musical sounds and onto the floor...I stumbled at the landing, but otherwise didn’t fall. What an accomplishment!

“And she sticks the landing! Raaa raa!” What can I say; the energetic energy is contagious. Evan rolled his eyes, but the stupid smile stayed on.

“Not so clueless now?” he asked as he made room for me to walk past him at the door.

“Not really; just...a while to remember some ‘new’ things.”

“Like what?” We were in the room with the small hatch on the floor, but there was a doorway leading to another room that had a nice smell coming from it. I guess...that’s food.

“Um...flying little ball of...well not fur but...feather? And they make a sweet musical sound to talk.”

“Birds!” Leo proclaimed, as he turned back from whatever he was doing with the stove in this new room. It had a lighter, more pleasant mood to it, it’s wooden walls a bright, painted beige and a large cut-out window that let large amounts of sunlight in. The used stove wasn’t the only thing in the room; there was a small, secluded elevated counter with four thin, raised chairs surrounding it, as well as a thin blue box where food is held that was beside light beige wooden cabinets that separates it from the stove.

“One of the joys of living among them in a tree; you get to wake to their conversations. Plus, there aren’t any little chicks waking you up, squeaking for food.” There was a soft sizzle as he moved the food around in the pan.

“Yeah,” Evan replied back, sitting on one of the thin chairs, and proceeded to set his arms on the...island.

“The crying is one thing I don’t miss; little suckers kept me up for days at a time.” Evan made an annoyed expression as he took a minute to remember.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Quiet dear, the grownups are talking.”

Leo chuckled, while I was contemplating on giving a witty remark; after much thought, I decided to spare him.

“Well,” I ended up saying,”it doesn't seem...like the correct name for the creature. Bird. Too short and...abrupt.” It reminded me of the faulty naming of the ‘moon’; such beauties shouldn't be cut short from simple naming.

“Naming makes it easier to point out stuff. Like, you don't expect to go on a long tangent of describing every single item, say, like a house. You can still appreciate the beauty, but just...shorter and more efficient.”

As he was speaking, Leo got three white, circular plates and put the food from the stove onto the plate; it was a fluffy, yellow that was a weird and irregular shape. Scrambled...eggs.

“Where did you get those?”

He set the plates and some silvers on the island and looked down at them, then back to me.

“Not from outside, if that's what your thinking.”

“No, but...they're part of a chicken and...doesn't that mean you killed it?” My eyes widened in horror at the thought that maybe...there was a way that death could get us if it could for the poor little eggs.

“Child,” Evan stepped in, starting to gulf down the eggs with a triple pointed silver,” first off, eggs aren't dead animals. Second, the food here isn't grown or killed; it comes and goes.

“Unlike back when we were alive, we don't have to grow our foods or slaughter the living ones. No,” he continued after another swallow,” it's still produced just...differently. It's too complicated for your still reeling mind,” he waved off as he finished the last helpings on his plate. The redhead looked at his friend then gave an apologetic look to me before he started to eat. I looked at my plate and slowly ate my first bite; the next was more hurried as I didn't want the flavor out of my mouth.

“Finish up your plate; I’m going to take you on a tour around a portion of the area,” Evan declared after putting his cleared off plate in a small sink. “If you’re going to stay, which is always a consideration, you might want to know where everything is and...well what it is. So, questions are always welcome!”

“Yeah, okay, just...let me finish...this up,” I replied, scoffing down my last helping of eggs.

“Nope!” he cheerfully stated as he scooped me up from the stool. “We’re starting this tour now!”

“Question; can I have Leo along to make sure you-hey stop walking, I’m talking to you!” Evan still continued to half carry me to the hatch in the main room; Leo watched in amazement at the whole situation but followed behind regardless.

Six.

After being carried by my arms down the from the...tree, the three of us stood around the motor machine when Evan finally let me down and addressed to the both of us. Well, mostly me.

“See, my ignorant child, this motorbike here, yes you see? It can only safely hold two people. BUT!” he stopped dramatically, looking between me and his slim friend,”If we all squish together, then we’ll all be able to fit!”

“This is what I get for not wanting to be alone,” I muttered mostly to myself.

“Exactly! Now, get behind me.”

I was awkwardly squished between Evan, who was obviously at the front, and Leo who was trying not to be to far in the back. We all held onto one another (well, Evan was the only one that wasn’t holding onto a person) as the motor was starting up. Pretty soon, we were moving; not as fast as before, probably due to the extra person on board.

The first place I was taken to was around the nearby city. This was where, supposedly, most of the ‘life essentials’ would be found. I was showed a different variety of buildings, one for clothing, another for food, and there was a lot more. When we went to each place, the main questions I would ask were ‘what is this?’ or ‘this is that object, right?’

Once we went through each place that sold a good (it was a long process, but I wasn’t allowed to focus too much on one object or place), Evan took us to what he called, ‘the countryside’ or ‘farms’. Unlike the city, this place was filled with more space, and by observations, it was mostly due to the ‘plants’. Although, each line was either completely filled by the ‘crops’, as they were called, or they were empty. It seemed...like it was different than how it should be, although I wasn’t sure why or the “correct” way on how it should be.

This part of the trip was more prolonged, as I not only had Leo and Evan as my guide but also this polite gentleman who presented himself as Farmer Stan. The farmer showed where some of the animals would appear, mostly in a certain area of the red, large house called a ‘barn’. They would appear sleeping, during the night or late evening on the large patch of hay they put in the area.

“What happens to them once they’re here? I mean...I was told they weren’t killed precisely.”

“No my dear, they aren’t,” Stan answered. “They’re used mostly for what they...produce. Come here, look.” He walked towards a large animal that was white black splotches on it; a cow. It was laying by a large wooden box that seemed to be filled with oddly shaped objects with a pink color stacked on top of one another.

“Just like how the animals, and even ourselves, get here so suddenly, these products do as well. There is...really not much of an explanation for it. Not everything here can be explained or is as simple as it was back when we’re living.”

“And...what happens to them when they’re no longer in use? I mean...this place doesn’t look too crowded.”

“They just...disappear as they appeared.”

We were showed medium-sized...birds called ‘chickens’ who produced eggs, while there was a different type of chicken that would produce a light pink fleshy object that looks...similar to themselves. There was also little long, bright pink creatures which were ‘pigs’, a medium-sized short furred animal called a ‘goat’, fluffier animals with cloud fur called ‘sheep’ as well as a small watered filled area that held oval shaped, scaled creatures that moved within the water.

The two guys followed me throughout the entire area, always one of them shadowing beside me and kept silent as I would ask the farmer each question. They were a bit…too quiet that I had to sometimes look over my shoulder or beside me in order to remind myself that they were there.

This whole place, this barn as it’s called, somehow seems...different than how it should...normally be. Like...there’s was a nagging feeling that something was just...either not right or different overall.

After we waved goodbye to the farmer, once all the ‘animals’ were shown, it was already after sundown and going towards nighttime. While I felt worn out from all the new information given, I couldn’t help but not want to sleep; what if...I go back? Go back to the real world? I wasn’t prepared for what will happen or what I will face? I wasn’t prepared for the pain, the extra confusion, the bright blinding lights…But the pain was the worst of it all.

I wanted to tell the two of my…roommates, but I was unsure on how to. Would I just tell them upfront about the little ‘situation’ and (most likely) have Evan laugh and tell me to just suck it up, or something stupid and inconsiderate like that, or just...stay in the small room by myself and try to not fail in keeping myself awake? Both options sounded good, while obviously having their own flaws to them. I tried to decide on one while sandwiched between the two guys on the way back to the elevated house. But, once we were there, I still haven’t decided and was feeling too tired to think anymore about it.

“Hey, can I just...okay bye!” I quickly slipped out from between the two without a warning and got an early start towards the tree house. I felt Evan’s judgmental view on me as well as Leo’s confused gaze in my hurry to the opening hatch at the end of the built-in ladder.

Once inside, alone I may add, I closed the door after I entered my own room and leaned my back against the closed, wooden door. I slid down to the floor and hugged my folded up knees.

Oh, what am I going to do? What to do, what to do, what to do? Until I figure out...what exactly I what to do...I don’t want this to be the norm for me.

Knock, knock.

“Carol?”

Evan.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Well, not that I want to intrude on...whatever the heck you were doing or what you were thinking, but...are you okay?”

“Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m dead.” He chuckled a bit from behind the door.

“Yeah? Well, I am too. And so is Leo. And everyone else you’ve met so far.” My goodness, he can’t see it?

“But...I’m also alive. I still have a chance to...to live my life! To do the things I’ve planned...whatever they may be…What if I still have people there who are just-just waiting for me? Waiting for me to wake up or something? Would I remember them if I somehow see them here later on? Or would I just...forget them entirely? Evan, do you still remember...the people who loved you? I think...I think that and the two different ‘worlds’ is what’s getting to me.”

I didn’t expect to say so much but once I started, I couldn’t stop the overflow of words. It was a while before he spoke again, this time much more seriously.

“Time.

“Time, along with other things or references, as I heard some people call them, will remind you. It may take...a long time but...you don’t forget completely.” After a moment of quick silence, he started again.

“What are you afraid at this moment? Light or dark?”

Oh, this little game again.

“Light.”

“Noise or silence?”

“Both.”

“Bleach or metal?”

“...Bleach.”

He gave out a hmm before declaring:

“You’re afraid of...operation. You just had an operation? When?”

“Um...when I first when ‘poof!’ or ‘blank’ when we were at the golden, extravagant palace. But it was more painful when I first went to sleep; I couldn’t get out of it or get back here. I was stuck and had to endure the pain of…” I shuddered. Even though he couldn’t see me with the door between us, I’m sure he could sense it.

“But I’m sure by now it’s over, or else you would’ve had gone ‘poof!’” -I heard a smile in his voice as he said it-”throughout the day. Plus...if sleeping somehow takes you back to the ‘living’, wouldn’t you want to at least hear what some of the people with you say about your life? Maybe it will help your...decision.”

I wasn’t used to this serious Evan. It was a complete 180 from the guy I knew for two days.

“Besides,” he added, sounding a bit more lighthearted than before,” you can take all the time you want to decide; you're not the only one that’s been in this situation. I’ve known some people in your situation that haven’t made their decision yet and it’s been more than five weeks!”

That slightly eased my worries but still. Five weeks. What was the normal span for the average person in...this limbo? Five weeks? Less?Is...that my unspoken time limit? I already spent two days…

“So...are you going to open the door yet or...just leave it closed.”

And there is the Evan I know.

“Yeah, I’ll leave it closed, jerk.” I tried to lighten my voice from the heavy mood from before, but it was a failed attempt.

“Mhm, okay. Just know; I’m here so you can talk to me.”

“Sure.”

I heard his footsteps leave the door and slowly go farther. I still heard them, obviously, but they were more distant than before. I slumped down and collapsed onto my sunken self. I did feel less worried and...stressed after I talked with Evan. Of course, I did get another thing to worry about, more specifically the deadline for my decision, but...hopefully...I can make that decision with more ‘outside’ information that I’ll gain from…

Sweet…

Sweet…

Sleep.

Seven.

“-ou think she can hear us?”

“It’s always a possibility any unconscious patient can hear; hearing is usually the last sense to deteriorate when…” The person talking faded out, but you can still understand what they were about to say. ‘When the person is dying.’

There was a silence that followed afterward. The silent background noises were the same as before; a steady and consistent beeping, a silent drip from somewhere nearby, the quiet footfalls from the people outside of my new room, and now, the soft breathing of...three people.

I still couldn’t feel any part of my body anymore...nor could I move it. It just felt...heavy; an unknown anchor that’s holding me down. Unlike before though, I could barely feel anything around me; I couldn’t feel the soft, rough texture of the new bed, the warmth of the sun that was somewhere on the lower part of my body, the small punctures on my arms, and, probably the bright side of this, the sharp and painful feeling in my mid-section.

“I’ll let you guys be then..” With that, one of the three people left, the closing the door behind them with a loud thud.

There was another sound as if someone sat down in a chair, then it was followed by the other person doing the same.

Silence still followed, but then it was broken with a quiet sound. It...it had the tone of being in despair; it had me feeling sorrowful for the person. They...were crying.

“It’s okay, mom. She’ll come to soon.” This was from the other person...the one that was silently beside the sad, crying...women.

“My little girl!” An anguished sound came from her, but it was as silent as her weeping, which was barely louder than the constant beeping. ‘My little girl’? ‘Mom’? Was...this woman my mother? What makes the other person? A sibling...sounded like a male...so my brother? Do they know why I’m here? Do…

Do they know why I was in that certain state of mind?

When I knew who they were, I couldn’t help but think of all the questions I wanted to ask them; questions like ‘what is my name’ or ‘where are we’, but also the inconvenient, like ‘do I have a dog’ or ‘can we build a small treehouse’.

But, this was just knowledge and erupting questions; not something new I can do. This new knowledge doesn’t excuse the fact that I can’t move or feel any part of my body.

“Hey, mom?”

She sniffled before trying to speak in a clearer voice. “Yes, Noah?” Guess Noah’s my brother, then.

“Remember-” he paused silently before continuing,”-when you gave her the camera?”

A breathless laugh echoed through the small room.

“Of course I do. She kept taking pictures of the yard in different angles the first day she got it.” My mother sounded like she was smiling. “Then she moved on to living subjects like Norway and the many bugs or birds.” She let out a soft, quiet chuckle.

“Yeah, she loved taking pictures,” Noah commented. “What do you think her subjects are now?”

“Well, I always figure they are still living things...like maybe nearby birds or people in a scenic view, like behind a sunrise or something.” There was a moment of silence before she said,”I wonder if she can actually hear us.”

The two were in silence again and it gave me some time to go through what they just said. I liked to take pictures? What are ‘pictures’? Was ‘taking pictures’ considered a job? Or was it more of a pass time? Pictures can be take...an image of an object? That some what makes sense. And...Norway...the name seemed familiar…I wonder who or what this particular Norway is. Well, it was something living so that narrows it down a bit...slightly.

I tried to find a comfort in the silence, along with my mother’s and brother’s soft breathing, the soothing beeping, and the slightest gust of the conditioned air. But, after a while of this, it made me feel uneasy; like it shouldn’t have been so quiet, and the silence was just due to this heavy and unsettling feeling hovering over the room. This feeling...there wasn’t any words to describe it other than...unsettling, depressing, unpleasant, with a bit of tension.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door; someone went to go answer it and was greeted by a feminine voice.

“Was the surgery okay? What did they say were her injuries? Sorry, I came here as fast I could but traffic and, and-”

“Hey, calm down! Come on in; there’s an extra chair over there. Okay? There, now breathe in, and out. Hooo…” There was now the panicked breaths of this new person, but with the help of my brother Noah, their breathing slowed and easied down. The uncomfortable that once surrounded the room was now, gladly, gone due to her intrusion, but it was replaced with a more panicked and attentive tone in the area.

“H-how’s she doing?”

“Well...the surgery was successful, although she gained conscious while..they were still operating. But!” he added, due to a gasp, which I assume was from this new girl,”they were able to sedate her before it got worse or she hurt herself. However,” he continued with a grim voice,”due to a serious head trauma from the crash.”

There was a harsh blow of air that came from my left-side of the room; the same person followed it up with an exhausted hum. I heard my brother leave the person and joined my mother to my right. I’m curious on how this new person relates to me and how I know them; guess I’ll have to wait and continue listening.

“So, how’s school going, Maeve?” my mother asked.

“Well,” the girl to my left started,” classes are the same as usual; so very draining.” She gave an exhausted sigh. “They’re giving out more work since the semester is almost ending so the pile is just growing taller, and taller and TALLER.” Maeve let out a sound mimicking an explosion, which was followed by the sound of something hitting the seat of a chair.

My mother chuckled and Noah gave a snort. This girl is...something.

They kept talking about ‘classes’, whatever that was, Maeve mostly complaining about them, but would occasionally go into detail on what these ‘classes’ would give. After a while though, they shifted the conversation to other topics that seemed more obscure than the one before. It was more comforting, however, than the silence from before; just listening to each of their voices overpowering the much more silent sound of the machinery surrounding me, was enough to feel like I was being enveloped by a warm blanket. The feeling of safety; if I was able to move my mouth into a smile, I was absolutely sure I would’ve.

But, this safe feeling was sadly interrupted by a loud crash which seemed to have come from the far left; where the door was.

“Maeve? Noah? Ma’am? How is-”

“Get. Out. Now.” Maeve’s voice quickly turned from entertaining to displeasure. The person who barged into my room was clearly unwelcomed; if Maeve’s displeasing tone didn’t imply so, the sudden tension in the room should.

“No, I need to see her!” So, this person also seems to know me and wasn’t just some crazy person...although, I couldn’t completely rule it out. They also had a deep masculine voice, so most likely a male.

There was a hard grunt as it sounded like someone pushed an object away; this unwelcome guest was being escorted out of the room. Um, please?

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t hit her! I didn’t tell her to go out! YOU CAN’T BLAME ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” He was getting louder and it sounded like whoever were shoving him out was having a much harder time, due to how frequently a shoe sounded like it was scraped on the floor.

“I’m going to make sure you won’t be able to enter this room again!” my mother declared, sounding a little farther from me, but not to where the barger supposably was; I didn’t like not being able to see and was restricted only to listen.

It was after more declarations that ‘it wasn’t his fault’, or ‘he didn’t do anything’, before, what I assume was Maeve and Noah, shoved the man out of the room; after the door was closed, I head my mom talk to someone about limiting the guest to what I could only assume was the room I was in.

There was a second of silence afterward, but then my mom said,”I had no idea what she saw in that boy…”

“Mhm, well, a little too late,” Noah replied.

Too many things just happened in just a short amount of time...I needed time to process this...
Suddenly, in a moment everything was quiet, but...not the quiet where nobody was talking, but the quiet where you couldn’t even hear anything in the place you were in. All was still dark and I still couldn’t feel anything around me..

Guess I got my place to think...in this limbo? Well, it was a place between my living self and...possibly the dead me.

Okay...review time. I have a mother and brother; his name is apparently Noah. My mother and brother know this girl named Maeve; I most likely had know her as well...I liked photography and continued it until...um I was brought here. Maeve, and possibly myself, were part of this thing called...school? Classes? Might need to ask Evan or Leo what they are. Then...the barger; what did he mean ‘it wasn’t his fault’? Was there reason to believe that he was responsible? The guilty are the ones that mostly deny their accusations to the extreme; and if the extreme isn’t screaming your lungs out, then I’m not sure what is. Also...how exactly do I know this person? ‘What she saw in that boy’? What does that mean? Well, another thing to ask the two boys.

Speaking of which, I think...I’m going to see them again soon; I can already feel the blanket around me...wait how did it get there?! Okay, there are some words I’m going to have to have with a certain person.

Eight.

So, apparently when Evan checked on me later in the night, I was still slumped onto myself, but I was apparently twitching from whatever was happening in the ‘mortal realm’ (I still couldn’t get used to the term). So, not wanting to disturb me, he put me on the bed and tried to make my unconscious body as comfortable as he could be able to.

The next couple of days were filled with different information on this ‘afterlife’ with Evan and Leo usually answering my consent questions; even as strange as it may be, I could never repay their patience of my annoyance. A majority of the new knowledge of this place were considerably small, but information nonetheless. I was told of small ‘events’ that each person applied for called a job, which consists of a scheduled beginning and ending that depends on the job you applied for; there were also these animals which are considered…pets, but they’re used for comfort and pleasure (however, the fact that all of the pets are dead and probably belonged to someone else made me a bit gloomy); each of our names were given to us based on the way we went (like how Evan was executed, so his name starts with an E), and these names can be repeated, but followed by a single second letter; and, probably the most interesting new fact, was about these people called Guardian Angels.

Guardian Angels, according to Evan and approved by Leo, are people who have done terrible deeds when they were still alive, but instead of by mistake or by force, for their own pleasure. These people, once they meet the three rulers, are judged and sentenced to a ‘community service’ for however long they are given. The service, from what I’ve been told, mostly consist of helping out the ‘new arrivals’ (people who have recently come to this afterlife like me). The other part of their required service is to regularly check in with one of the three people that are in charge of them.

After the concept of the Guardian Angels was explained, I asked Evan if he was one of these people; he answered with a light-hearted yes. I asked the same to Leo, but was a bit relieved when he replied with a no. My mind would now wander every now and again what kind of...things Evan might have done. I didn’t exactly grew colder to him or distant, but I was more wary than I usually was towards the goof. Sure, he may play around at almost all hours of the day and when it was appropriate, would turn into the more serious version of him; but the fact was always on the back of my head and sometimes kept me awake at night.

Speaking of nights, they weren’t as restful as they were before; if you could even call it ‘restful’. If I wasn’t lying awake, staring at a empty, dark sky and having morbid thoughts of what my Guardian Angel might’ve done, I was twisting and violently moving while I was in my barley stable body. It wasn’t due to any pain or discomfort since I still wasn’t able to even feel my own condition, but it was most likely because of the passing of days.

My mother was always there whenever I was in that state; my brother and Maeve were there every now and again due to outside circumstances. I always knew it was her due to her quiet breathing, like she’s been crying and her gentle voice whenever she would clear her voice or talk to me softly. Her small talks would mostly have the traditional, ‘how are you, dear?’ and she would take off from there, going on about the different places she would wish I visit, something new about some shows and reassures me whenever my brother or Maeve isn’t there, saying they would’ve if they weren’t so busy. Each one of her talks broke my heart every day that passed; I’m her child, and she’s hoping for me to live...but I’m still clueless on how to do that. To actually open my eyes and look at her with my own two eyes and wipe away any of her tears.

When brother and Maeve were there however, she was more silent than anything, the others having their own conversation and occasionally bring up old memories about me.

So far what I gained was that I was- I mean am-named Abigail; I am currently taking class for photography and had a few small jobs concerning that field before; that Norway from before was apparently the small white dog from before and has been with us (my family) for a long time now; and then there was...talk about how a certain person ruined my life. They never spoke the person’s name, but rather call them by him or he. Their sour words and memories towards this person reminded me of their similar rude sayings to the barger; it led me to believe they are the same person. So this person that supposedly ruined my life had also supposedly…’murdered’ me?

This realization made me sick the moment I was back in the afterlife; why would I have someone like that in my life? After I was left feeling sick for the greater part of the morning in the bathroom (which was outside in a small ‘house’), I told my two...friends by now, about what had made me feel so sick. Evan suggested to have a notebook, so I won’t forget the ‘progress’ I’ve made so far; he and Leo promised they won’t read it and would gladly listen if I wanted to tell them anything from there.

So far I’ve written:

-Name: Abigail

-Have mom and brother (Noah). Father??

-Maeve; possibly friend

-Car crash. Intentional?

-Him (Barger). Responsible? Reason for intention?

-Study: photography

It barely filled the first page, but it felt calming, in a way, to write down and just look at all of the gathered information about myself. I only told the two about my name, my mother and Noah, Maeve, and the photography (Evan jokingly said that was why I was so interested in the most random of objects and corners of space). I couldn’t bring myself to tell the two about Him. It felt...like it was something too personal, something I might’ve not even told my family and great friend in the living, and whenever I would want to somehow bring him up, I found myself speechless and unable to say anything.

If there was one thing I learned as a whole from what I’ve gathered from my vegetative state, it was that the living land...had a lot of turmoil.