Red Sakura

Red Sakura

I (ichi)

Majestic sun envelops the overlapping mountains with its vibrant color providing warm red shelter to these mountains for the time being. The sun, half-dipped at the horizon, pours red color all over the sky and on the land, so strong that no artist could ever imitate. Outspread range of mountains makes us, the locals, feel safe similar to that when we experience while getting back home safely. Meanwhile, the aroma of tea leaves add flavor to the moisture, contributing to add more beauty to the scenery. Our survival is dependent on those wide spread tea plants. Adobe houses with roof built of yellow straws are changing shades of red as time passed by. Such sceneries give an assurance to heal us from the fatigue that we receive after working hard the entire day. Only thing that was more captivating than this consolation was the Red Sakura tree. Long ago on our fortunate days, she was present among us. Her cardinal blossoms dominated the color that the sun provided. Those blossoms had the similar depth as that you would find in blood. She once stood shyly in the proximity of the person who was the oddest (Jaaku).

Two religions surround us, but we have had agreed on one belief and that still makes our bond strong. Although Meiji leaders tried to established public education system to help Japan catch up with the West and form a modern nation; our village is still untouched by God Omoikane*. To be dependent on the nature for everything is the only education we have been receiving from our elders. Hence, respect for the nature came to us naturally. However, balancing our needs with nature is difficult at times.

We like the idea of owning our own garden to keep the beauty of nature within our reach. Most of the villagers have their own garden surrounding the house but hardly have any time to maintain them. My garden has an average space but due to lack of care, the ones that still survive are Shiragiku (White Chrysanthemum) and Higanbana (red spider lily). Since sowed, once, I have had the opportunity to pluck and use them. It is rather tough to admit it but honestly the only person who was capable of maintaining it clean and weed-free is the oddest one out. However, the only flower that we both shared was Suitopi (Sweet pea).

The trait that most of us have in common is the idea of feeding ourselves on foods and fruits that plant and trees provides. The only exception was our strangest neighbor who lived all by himself, just like me, a long time back. He provided us with necessary ration, which made him hypocritically respectful. Hence, we named him name "Hitsuy?" (Necessity). He was entirely different from us because he consumed meat, unlike us. He gave me the vibe of a person in his thirties, a lot younger than me. For his queer preference in food, we again nicknamed him "Jaaku" (Evil). For vegetarians like us, we loathe such people but still he was useful, so we had a mutual understanding. His was the area that had the enthralling cherry blossom with extra warmth and structure. Queer nature of Jaaku and our curiosity towards his nature were always in proportion. His interactions with me were the least among all residents. Rumors were the only source of information that we had about him. He was surely an immigrant. Must have been from china and had a name so difficult to pronounce that we ourselves gave him a different identity, Hitsuyo Jaaku.

Personally, I am still against ingesting meat as a source of food. To butcher emotional living beings just for our taste buds or stomach makes me consider it as a grave sin. Jaaku consumed animal meat but moreover his taste buds had a different preference (that made him even worse) in animals that he would like to cut and cook. His chosen ones were man's best friend, cats and dogs. Usually in special occasions, he used to buy breeds of dogs that were expensive. In addition, the cruelest part was that, he alone could devour the entire meat the animal could possibly provide. In experience, I can assure that he possessed an evil art of slaughtering because luckily never have I ever been able to hear those animals squeak or holler, not even do they whimper while being slaughtered. Since I was his neighbor, unintentionally and unfortunately I had seen him dumping the skins and scrap of the butchered animals. Moreover, he defiled the beautiful cherry blossom tree, as he would dump those unwanted parts beneath her shed. His habit of dumping made me dislike him even more.

Nevertheless, the cherry blossom tree for me was one of the most enticing things in entire universe. The tree acted like a wife to Jaaku. She helped him even when what he did is unethical. Instead of revolting, she gave Jaaku the right to refer to her as a property that belonged to him. We locals envied him for having such a Beauty in his possession, even when he did not pay her much attention. Nevertheless, he was loyal to her and respects her for her beauty, therefore had never harmed her in any way.

In total, he stayed with us for almost three years, supplying us with necessary items that we required in our daily routine. He was a trader and his only source of income was trading. I live alone so I did not need much from his supplies. Once in a month for some necessary household items, I had to visit his shop. I had had very less encounter with him in personal. Usually the ones when I visited his shop and sometimes when we meet by accident. I wanted to avoid meeting him at all cost but talking is inevitable when I had to visit his shop. I was bound to purchase his supplies because our village was rural; his was the only shop we could depend upon.

One day unfortunately, I recall that day; I ran out of soap and had to visit his store. Initially I wanted to send someone else to do that task but found no one. Therefore, I had to visit the shop by myself. The day was fine with sun overhead and flowers were glowing. It was spring season and so the sakura tree could not be more beautiful. I expected to see the tree on my way to his shop. As expected, I got a glimpse of her on my way.

He was just sitting idle when I reached. "Rinjin-san**/#," I asked out of formality "How have you been?" "Just bored as regular", he replied with fake excitement. I could see that he had new products in his shop that he had brought. Ironically, there were religious books. Filled with old and new products his shop seemed stuffed. The most vividly displayed ones were Hammock, Yasai (knife), Peculiar Ornaments, Candles, Rice, and Impressively Stacked Yeasts for fermenting. "I ran out of soap this morning", I requested and hoped to keep the conversation as short as possible "so I'd prefer a dozen of them, arigato." We exchanged our wants and was about to return. Then I saw a fluffy beautiful dog was sitting behind him. His beautiful eyes filled with excitement and happiness. Little did the creature know what was about to come. His eyes and expression made him more pitiable. Fully grown and stuffed, those were the signs enough to guess that his death was sure within a week.

The purpose of visiting his shop was to get myself soap but instead of that one item, I brought with myself guilt and remorse.

II (ni)

Warm red. The color surrounds me like the entire universe. Outspread in patterns of dots, like the stars and in form of stream, like the Milky Way. Same color envelops my body, providing warmth in order to compensate for the wrong deed that I have done. The sight of red ironically feels like some reward that I certainly deserve. This red scenery also brings relief with its presence; the relief we experience after completing a tiring task. The next thing I have to do is to take a proper bath because getting rid of the color is important so that I do not have to feel guilty for something that my society wants to indoctrinate me.

Now all that I have left to do is to cook the raw meat and enjoy the food. Satisfactory it was, as I had reserved a big sized dog. So logically, it would have yielded a good quantity of meat. It will certainly last for 3-4 days, if I will store it in a box with ice cubes. Before washing the red out of my body, I have to dump the unwanted parts that are unnecessary. The dumping part carries a certain amount of guilt. I find it disrespectful to dump some parts of the animal because it seems as if his life was not precious enough. The regular spot that I had picked for dumping was below the Red Sakura that is in my backyard. The blossoms that lay scattered portrayed the similar image of the spilled blood droplets but with magnification. The tree has a strange vibe attached to it, which usually makes me feel paranoid. It is definitely beautiful; therefore, disdain towards the tree came naturally to me.

The village where I reside is still rural, and will stay similar even after four decades. It is the perfect place for me to set my trading business. Here villagers are illiterate and to make a profit out of them is rather easy. However, the only thing that I forgot to calculate was how different places have their own faith and culture. One belief that makes my exchange difficult is the one where it is a taboo to consume meat. The village is small so they are more rigid to believe it to be dreadful. There was an instance when my neighbor approached me and requested me to stop having tasty food that is the meat. No one wants to hear my point of view. I do not have much to say. The only thing that I will say in my defense is that I find it delicious.

My life has never been much exciting. The reason behind is that half of the memories are lost somewhere deep below my mind and so it is hard to recall. My parents were average and so was my childhood. Never had I ever experienced any attachment with anyone of them. Always felt better when I was alone. That is the reason why I had to leave my parents and settle down here to earn for myself. I was able to establish my own shop in this rural area, so I expect myself to be intelligent enough to survive alone. My parents and friends never felt the same and so maybe that is why I would never have been able to live with them. No one here owned a shop to compete with me and so my life was again mundane and dull.

For no special occasion but only, because I felt an urge to taste I had bought a dog a month ago. I got it in cheap so definitely had to feed him a month so that the amount of meat it would yield would be enough for me. This particular reason made my neighbors disdainful towards me. Although I believe, my nature was not a flamboyant one but it did build a wall between us. The particular one that disliked this activity of mine was the one that I nicknamed him myself. He was nicknamed Seijin-san***. However, I never had a nerve to call him by this name but could always refer to him by it. Seijin-san was completely different from me. All his beliefs and ideas opposed that of mine. The major belief that we opposed was that of killing animals to fill one's stomach. It does seem unethical to kill a living being but in my defense, I have nothing. I can only conclude my doings by saying that, it is what I like and that which feels good on my taste buds. Except this, I have no reason to kill an innocent being.

I have always felt things in a certain way and it is tough to fit that feeling into words. The feeling is so independent that holding them and trying to put them in words is futile. Some sceneries or just moments are so powerful that it would make one feel kind and noble. Just like how people turn themselves into devil when they get addicted to "evil" emotions. Similarly, people turn to an angel and feel like a free spirit when they encounter such situation. All such thoughts were rushing in my head and then I hear someone calling out for me, and there stood Seijin-san. He was my neighbor who I felt kept in touch with me just because I was the only one who supplied various needy products. I respected him, as he was older than I was and had a personality that would suggest that he was more knowledgeable than most of the residents including me. "Rinjin-san," he asked with a polite tone "how have you been?" "Just dull as regular", I replied as I was recollecting myself from the recent reverie. With great interest, he was going through all the products that I sold. I felt honored to have him in my shop. He hardly visited me or talked to me. Maybe he was saint type who certainly would have believed in co-existence. "I ran out of soap this morning", he requested with a polite tone and "so I'd prefer a dozen of them, arigato." After we exchanged, he was about to head towards his home. As he was about to leave he noticed to dog behind me and had a grim look on his face. I felt guilty watching him feel pity for the dog but maybe the idea of co-existence that he might hold would save me from looking as a bad individual.

The day was almost over and I felt more excited and energetic for the occasion. I also felt bad for the dog but that is how I am. I have no excuse to make. I guess that is how I choose to live.

III (san)

Mornings usually begin with brightness, and hence, I look forward to see the sunrise, to feel its warmth, but as winter approached closer, there was hardly any warmth that I could feel. Such days are the idlest. I feel useless during winters nevertheless try my best to keep myself busy.

For past few months, I have been ill. I have been regular with my medicines but I guess I have not much time left here.

With this winter approaching, I particularly remember one such event that took place in similar setting.

That morning, dense fog had covered up the mountain and the village as well. There was a hint of indecisiveness I could feel because of the fog.

I had had been feeling uneasy and uncomfortable for past 3 days. Frequent premonitions had been haunting me. The vibes were vivid and it was difficult to sort out what precisely would go wrong. It was more than enough to handle such things altogether. First, I got the cold winter then on top of it those apprehensions. Even the Red Sakura tree was dull without its beautiful blossoms during winters. Its entirety was the only source of comfort that could have calmed me.

On remembering the Red Sakura, the next thing, was obvious to think about its owner or the one who resided on her land. It had almost been a long time since I met him. Hence, it was difficult to keep up with his evil deeds, not that I was interested in it. He might have had gone underground or had been off station for his business. There were many possibilities where he was at that moment. As I was thinking of where he was possibly at that moment, then I heard footsteps approaching and seconds there was a knock at the door. I welcomed the person. By judging the expression on his face and his body movements, he was not good news. On the contrary, his body was rather hasty. After few seconds of bewilderment he finally spoke, "Fush? is no longer with us, his life ended too early, last night". I did not have the mental space to accept the news at that time. I soon realized and explained to messenger how I felt that something evil was about to happen. Further discussing I was surprised to know that we both shared a same name (Fush? ****).

For a while, we discussed the kind of person he was and antithetically, I felt pity for him at that moment. Maybe he was punished for butchering emotional living beings or maybe not. We hardly shared any thing in common but death and birth, as it was common to all of us.

After visiting his residence, I saw him. His face was sunken and pale. The disease had caused the paleness. No one knew him well enough to mourn deeply for his death. Therefore, the ritual did not take much time and soon the ritual started. The ritual was finished and his soul was free to leave the realm of mortals.

The next thing that we started discussing was the fate of Red Sakura tree. Like Jaaku, she had taken part willingly or unwillingly in his evil deeds. Maybe by devouring the unwanted parts of dead animals she had obtained to color red. I felt bad to cut down the tree, as I knew what a beauty she was but my morals comes first and hence we have to cut it down.

As I watched the tree cut down, many thoughts ran haywire in my mind. Among them were, some moments that I had shared with Red Sakura while I was enjoying the scenery or the time when I had visited Jaaku's shop and had spotted the soon-to-be-cut-down dog. Finally, I had to distract myself by stating the fact that, this is the way life ends. It is not upon us to decide. Eventually, the tree was cut down and the day was as gloomy as it had ever been.

Thinking about the moment makes me sad. How cruel was I to blame the innocent tree for something that was forced upon her by us. I think now that I have realized my greatest mistake. Soon I guess, I will be with her. If luckily, my goods outweigh my bad deeds. There are people outside waiting just to hear my pre-decided fate. I feel that my time has come. Now I shall rest in peace.

how familiar does it feel to encounter death for the first time.

IV (shi)

Winter has always been the season that I eagerly waited for. Those still and clear paths covered with snow sooths me. Mountains covered with snow and the sight of it enough to make me feel at ease. Neither do I expect nor do I ask for rain but the nature is considerate. Therefore, it starts drizzling, that too during daytime. I can never imagine encountering such a pure beauty. The feel of it is beyond reality. While I am watching the rain pour down, I am well aware that my hands are frozen as well as my feet but nothing matters as the entire scenery makes me feel comfortably warm. The sound of droplets on the roof accompanied by those that it makes with the leaves and ground produces marvelous music that no one can ever compose. Such music is accessible to most of us. I do not have any intention not to feel such a holy scene and hence, decide to stay unmoved. I am too focused at this moment and hence do not want to disturb myself. As the spread of fog expands, the only senses that bring me solace are ears and nose.

This will definitely be the last time I will enjoy winter to such an extent.

For past a month I have had been severely ill and hence I am bedridden since then. Due to lack of advancement, the cure is not available. I see how my plan of having a settled life in this petty village backfired. There certainly would not be any way to extend my life any further. Therefore, my death is inevitable.

It seems so different and strange when death moves towards you slowly. It is so unnatural yet expected when it arrives. Only seconds later does it make you realize that it is the only true friend you have. Meanwhile, you are clueless about the fact that what lies beyond death. The arrival of death does not seem satisfactory because we humans are accustomed to keep ourselves busy until death finally arrives. Hence, the concept of afterlife or the thirst to wonder what really happens after an individual is no longer alive.

The most common thing that one thinks of while in deathbed is about his life. I hardly have anything to recall. So I think of expressing my gratitude to everyone who made my life worthy (do not have any idea how worthy my life was, just wanted to keep myself busy until death arrives) to live until this time.

Somehow, surprisingly I think of the Red Sakura tree in my proximity. The tree never seemed interesting to me but now suddenly I feel as if the tree is the least appreciated thing in my life. At this moment, it is clear how protective and beautiful it is. How similar we are. Just like this diseases made me pale, the winter had brought down her red blossoms. I wish I could have realized it when I had time to appreciate its beauty.

Thinking of gratitude brought me down to those animals that became a meal for me. Suddenly without any awareness, tears rolled down my eyes. I cannot find a reason why would start sobbing so suddenly. It maybe because I feel guilty for what I had done. Grief might also be present because death almost a knock away.

The strangest thing that I feel is that how casually I am treating this situation. Guess that I have been strange and different from others all along or could be that, others would feel the same way when they encounter this particular situation.

The reason could also be that I have no attachments, so worrying about others after my death saved me a lot of thinking.....

Now that I feel, I am almost at the end. I think I have done a good job until now. All that remains, are the expectations that I have. I hope the ritual goes smoothly.

I feel my thoughts narrowed down and soon there will be a full stop. Just like each water droplet, that contributes in making rainfall sound so good. I hope I have left an impact equal to that of single droplet.

GLOSSARY

* God of wisdom and intelligence.

** Neighbor

*** Saint, sage, holy man

**** Buddhist term for the true nature of reality, in which there is no beginning or end, birth or becoming, passing away or death. There is only what there 'is', which is manifestation, arising from, and bearing the nature of, ??nyat? It is usually translated as 'Unborn'.

#San is the most common honorific title. San is similar to "Mr", "Ms.", "Mrs", and so on.