Heartache

He's gone ... I loved him. He was my everything. The one time I feel like I'm doing something right and I lose him. My heart has taken its last lash. I can not take anymore. The shirts he gave me are locked away in a box under my bed along with every note he ever wrote me.

I can not close my eyes without seeing him. His blonde curly hair and blue eyes. His seductive smile and strong steady arms. I can feel his hands on my back as he kisses me. His kiss is like fire. When his lips touch mine its like I'm on a roller coaster. Spinning and turning, never slowing down. It's a ride I never wanted to end. But it did .... and it hurts.

Maybe someday I will be able to look back and not feel pain. Maybe someday I will forget him. Aw who am I kidding, I will NEVER forget him. He will forever be a picture in my mind and a scar on my heart. I will always remember him. He will be in my dreams at night and in my thoughts during the day. No one could ever replace him.

I've never loved someone the way I love him. He brought out a side of me even I did not know existed. He was my Vampire Prince. He always will be. He held me at night while I slept and kissed me awake in the morning. He would always make me something to eat when I was hungry. And when I was sick he took care of me.

When I was little I would dream of a handsome prince sweeping me off my feet and carrying me off into the sunset. He was that prince. The one I had been dreaming of since I was 5. He made me feel like a princess. He was everything I ever dreamed of and more. When I was with him I felt like Superman. He was my only weakness. He was my Kryptonite. With him I could be me. I did not have to pretend to be anything. Being me was enough for him.

I do not know what I'm going to do. He was my everything. Without him I feel empty. Without him in my life I am nothing. There is no light, all I see is darkness. There is no happiness, all I feel is pain. I can not smile or laugh or sing, all I can do is cry.

His song plays in my head over and over and over. His name is the only one I want to remember or say. Not that I feel much like talking. He is the only one I want to talk to. But I know he does not want to talk to me. He does not want anything to do with me. He haunts my dreams and every dream without him is a nightmare.

I can not breath without him. It feels like I'm drowning. No matter how hard I fight, with every breathe I take I am pulled deeper into the black waters of loneliness. It does not matter if I'm alone in my room or in a crowd of people, he is always on my mind.

I always told myself that whenever a guy breaks up with me that I would never let it get to me. But this time I'm falling apart. He is all I can ever think about. I can not concentrate on anything no matter what I do or how hard I try.

Even music does not work. I find myself listening to his favorite songs everyday. I can not seem to listen to anything else. Every chance I get to listen to music, it's always his.

There's no way for me to forget him. It does not matter how hard I try. His memory keeps coming back. Every time I tell someone I'm fine, I'm lying. Everyday I put on my make up and a fake smile. Its getting harder and harder everyday to even fake smile. I do not have the energy or ambition to do anything. I do not want to eat. Just the thought of food makes me sick. I can not sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see him. His dark blonde hair and blue eyes. I can feel his lips on mine and his hands moving on my back.

I want to forget and move on. Believe me when I say its easier said then done. I've tried and tried but I can not seem to make the memories go away.

Where is all the strength I had before?

I let all my walls down and let him in.

So when he left, my heart went with him.

If there was anything I could do to fix this, I would do it. No second thoughts or hesitations. Even if it meant I had to die. There is nothing I would not do to kiss him and tell him I love him one last time. Just once. I never thought I would fall apart because I fell in love with a boy that I knew I could not keep.