Tired

Tired

By: Ashanti Marshall

So tired of being used

Being thrown away

That's not a happy state to be in

So tired of being told I'll never be good enough

So tired of hearing "you can do better"

Even then better is never good enough

Help me realize the good in the world

Tired of being pushed away

The feeling of being alone

So tired of never having the feeling of comfort

Of never having love

Tired of no compassion

So tired of being the one who took the blame

Tired of having to keep a secret

So tired of living

I'm done not being appreciated for what I do

Being told not to speak to them

Tired of not being enough

Am I good enough to be in this world?

Am I good enough to be in this family?

I'm so tired of living a lie

So tired of having to change when I don't want to

I am done being the new me

I am going back to the old

Tired of being called lazy, fat, stupid

So tired of being called to skinny then I'm too fat

Please help me realize who I'm meant to be

So tired of hearing "get out of my face"

Was I ever even there?

Tired of being put in situations that I was never part of

So tired of helping relationships if I can't find my own

Tired of being invisible to those I care about

Tired of being trapped here

I wish I could leave

Tired of being treated like the weaker link to this family

So tired of being afraid to say how I feel

No wonder why I can never express to the boys I like

So tired of what people think of me

Tired of what I want this family to think of me

So tired of hearing "you don't know what love is"

Even though I have seen the relationships, my family has been through

So tired of being shy towards someone

Tired of not telling him how I feel

To tell him that I feel protected when he is around

Tell him I only want him in my future

That I never felt this way before

I try so hard not to show emotion

I will never know what might happen

So tired of being afraid to love you

Just so, I won't get hurt

So tired of crying over promises that were broken

Tired of the feeling that I'm being abandoned

Tired of friends leaving me for their boyfriends

I am so tired of feeling broken inside

Tired of not having the pieces put back together

I'm broken but no one ever notices

So tired of being ignored

Tired of feeling like nothing

So tired of being quiet

Tired of the voices in my head

Make it stop, Make it stop

Tired of wishing my dreams to become reality

So tired of feeling useless

Tired of the emptiness inside

Tired of the hole in my heart beside the murmur

So tired of the sadness I feel inside

The feeling of being put last in everything

Tired of the secrets and lies I have been told

So tired of constant arguing

Tired of the restless nights

Tired of the meaningless conversations

So tired of trying to be the perfect little girl they want me to be

Tired of being a shadow to those around

So tired of depending on my father

Tired of having to hide how I really feel

Cause I know that I'm going to be cut off

Tired of them not listening

Tired of hearing " go away"

So tired of having to hide the truth

Tired of feeling this way

So tired of the voices saying " go for it"

Thenⁱ being pulled back

Please make them stop

Tired of being closed in

So tired of not feeling free

Tired of MOM not understanding

So tired of no closure

Tired of feeling saddness

So tired of feeling unwanted in the life

Tired of the confusion

Tired of meaningless things

Of having to shut the noises out

So tired of the voices coming back

Tired of hearing " you need to be more girly"

Please just let me be me

So tired of feeling hidden

Tired of living in the city can't wait to leave

Can't wait to be with the person I love

Tired of waiting for a prince

When I have one in sight

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